Never had any reports of unpleasantness from nursery she attended from 2.5 years until 5 weeks ago. They said she often lead the children in games but this seemed to be a happy thing that other children wanted to join in with.
There is a girl at the childminders who is apparently very nice and seems sweet to me. DD is apparently routinely saying not very nice things to her (her dad doesn't live with her) like 'MY dad lives with me. I see him all the time' in a way that is not remotely anodyne. This girl wanted to show everyone a picture and DD told her that no-one was interested. She tries to control where this girl can and can't sit. When I tried to talk to her about it this weekend ('do you think it's nice to talk to xxx how you do? How would you feel if...' etc) she burst into anguished tears and got on the floor and lay there. I didn't really know what to make of that.
Today I'm told that dd wet herself. She never used to wet at nursery but is wet every day at home. Like every day. I have tried various things but it still happens, now I just tell her to go and get changed and don't make a big deal of it. At the childminders she pretended it was water and wouldn't say any more about it.
DD is a very strong and able character, who needs to know lots of information about her surroundings. She has a sister of 7 and a lot of the time they play really well together. I'm sure she is fed up sometimes that she is not top dog at home (who isn't?) I feel pretty low about this. The wetting never happened at nursery. Why at the childminders? And come to that, why everyday (once sometimes more) at home? But far worse is the behaviour towards this girl. I've no reason to doubt the childminder.... don't know what to do.