Cutlery and table manners re 4 year old

[solidgoldbrass]

DS is 4.2 and can use cutlery but still prefers to eat with his fingers (and wriggle, and mess about with his food etc). While I don;t want to turn mealtimes into a warzone, should I be getting a bit sterner with regard to his table manners or will he just adapt in time?

I would try to be firm.. it is soething we have always been quite hot on..

He will adapt in time to using cutlery instead of fingers; have the cutlery there and encourage him to use his fork on the easier things to spear; baby corn, pieces of meat etc etc and his spoon for rice and beans etc

However, he is plenty old enough to know to sit still at the table and not mess with his food; so I would be getting stern on the manners side of things.

I would start to be firmer now. I had the attitude that my DDs would gradually get better. They are now nearly 8 and really have quite atrocious table manners that case a lot of angst at meal times. Better to sort it whilst they are younger.

I'd encourage him to use a fork for forkable food but I wouldn't bother about fingers unless he was making a real mess.

Everyone will have their own view on this one. I've always been very lax with the dds at the table but I would tell them exactly how I would expect them to behave in a cafe/restuarant and sometimes we'd have a practice. And of course, we hardly ever have a problem now they're 12 and 10. Always seems a bigger deal when you're going through it.

Sorry, but I would be firm now. I have three boys ages 7, 4 and 4 months. We have always been very firm about table manners and it is never a battle. We eat together as a family and if they do something we don't consider polite, we just explain why. My 4 year old sits well mostly and uses cutlery. He would never dream of using his fingers as we just wouldn't allow it.

On the otherhand. I have a friend whose son is now 6 and has terrible table manners when it comes to cutlery. When we first met them, he was 4 and ate only with his hands - and I mean everything - even pasta with sauce. My kids kept asking why he did it - even infront of him. My friend's attitude was that he would do it when he was ready and when peer pressure was enough. But he didn;t care if kids asked him why he ate that way. Now, at 6 and a half he uses cutlery about 60% of the time.

So, to sum up, if it is important to you that he has table manners, then you need to enforce it now as kids don't just do it when ready.

I'd be firm with him. DS is 2.8 and i always encourage him to use a fork or a spoon and not his fingers. He does use his fingers to put things on his fork but he's 2 so in my mind that is fine. He also has to sit until other have finished eating, say thank you and ask to get down from the table.

I think good manners are important and am bothered enough to be strict about it. Other people however are so bothered so if it doesn't bother them fine.

my dds have impeccable manners when we eat out and have been complimented on it a few times.

Being easy-going does not mean having terribly bad-mannered children so don't let anyone make you feel that it does.

My niece was never told about table manners and now eats virtually every meal with her fingers (aged 11!!!!) She even has to take packed lunch to school because of it.

Start now, gently but firmly. Try going together and buying some really nice kids cutlery. If he chooses it, maybe that will help him use it.

Also, my ds's loved using chop sticks. Can be a bit messy, but encourages utensil usage. Good luck!

pointyDog - manners when eating out is great but I want to be able to sit at a table and have good manners at home as well.

we have manners at home as well. Mealtimes are not the least stressful.

My point is that ensuring pre-schoolers only eat with cutlery is not a prerequisite to enjoyable stress-free meal times at home and in public.