How much more can I take?????

[kid]

My DS is really getting to me. He is 2.11 and is going through his worst stage yet I think. He hits me, shouts at me, runs away from me. I am having a really bad day with him today, its made worse by the fact he is tired so extra grumpy but is refusing to have a nap. I am also looking after my nephew today who is also refusing to have a nap. So I am at the moment, tearing my hair out!!!
I have so far taken DS to his bedroom 5 times since 1pm.
This morning in the car, because I wouldn't let him get out and run around, he took his shoes off and threw them at me. I took them away and he didn't get them back until we got home.
We were out shopping today and the amount of times I had to call him because he kept disappearing. I was sick of hearing his name, God knows how other people felt!

I have an appointment with a Child Psychologist for him, but that isn't until the beginning of April and I am wondering if I can cope until then. DH was off work yesterday and DS behaved himself all day. In a way I was annoyed he had behaved as I wanted DH to see what I mean when I tell him what sort of a day I have had.

Okay, rant over, must get back to my cup of tea!

Now that I have my cup of tea that I just had to make when I read your post, here are my thougts.... It's hard to put into action when you are emotionally involved, but ignoring the bad and going ott with the praise really helps with both the childs behaviour and by allowing the parent to focus on the good. Even if they smack and throw, (It's soo hard when you are seething) but calmly say "we don't do that" then try to change the subject. It takes a while and sometimes behavior becomes worse initially as they try to crack this new, strangley acting mummy, but it works if you can stick with it. As a mum of 5 and someone who works in childcare I can say without question it is so much harder to deal with your own child because of the emotion envolved. Enjoy your tea and try not to pull the last few strands out!!

I also work with children and don't feel this worked up when I am with them. Admittedly, they are older.
My DS got worse as the day went on. While at Tesco, he threw a tantrum because he didn't want to get in the trolley. His nan put him in her one and a worker came over to him and tried to calm him down. He told DS 'Whats all that noise, I'll have to call security!'
I explained to DS that he was going to call the man that worked there if he didn't quieten down. I was rewarded with a slap right round the face!!! I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was fuming. I gave him a sneaky pinch on his arm and then just left him with his nan while I got on with my shopping. When I met them at the end, he said sorry, I won't do it again. He has been really good since, but I put that down to DH being home from work. Oh well, one day closer to meeting with the psychologist!

kid
may I ask whether your dh is strikt with ds?
dd had a phase like that too when she was about 2.5... anything I said fell onto deaf ears and she was a nightmare... all it took from dh though was one look and she'd behave! Can't put my thought about that here... it'd be censored! ;)

Saying that I was quite leniant with her at that stage as I was working full time and didn't want to be ogre mama when seeing her for a couple of hours in the evening. Didn't help that she did get spoiled rotten at cm as she was 'so cute' and 'so small'... since I've been home though (maternity for ds) I decided to get a bit more strict, a la... 3 warnings and that's it... she suddenly behaved a bit better. Took a couple of weeks though for her to realise there's a new mama and quite a few time outs FOR ME! (to stop fuming and not to want to strangle her there and then)

Good luck!

Hi Kid

Have you tried positive reinforcement? Eg "I need you to do X now, and if you do then your reward will be Y?" (I know it sounds obvious, but it isn't always). It's a far stronger message than the negative version of "If you don't do X then you won't get Y", iyswim. The first sounds like (and indeed is) a reward for good behaviour whereas the second sounds like punishment before he's even started. And of course, at his age he's testing you out to see if you really mean it, so you HAVE to mean it! Be consistent, follow through with your promises and explain the consequences afterwards.

Remember too that 'saying sorry' is just words for a child of his age, and he'll be unlikely to realise that it means he's effectively promising never to do it again.

Above all, try to stay calm when he starts hotting up to a tantrum. It could be that he's learned how to get a reaction from you and if you keep feeding that he'll continue to wind you up. Take some Bach Recover Remedy with you wherever you go to bring your stress levels down!

Hi, just wanted to add we had an ok day today. DS did throw a tantrum when it was time to leave a playgroup we went to, but thats because he wanted to stay longer!

I have never thought about positive reinforcement, I have to admit I always do the 'If you don't do X, then you can't have Y'

I made a point of not doing that today and it seems to have had a good effect. I will definatley continue with it and make sure anyone else looking after him does the same.

MrsBigD - Its not that DH is strict with DS, its more like DS wears me down and I give in too easily for an easier / quieter life. I am feeling a lot calmer today .

Wow, I have just found this post when doing a search for something else. I can honestly say I don't remember any of this happening!
DS is now almost 9 and still a bit of a monster lol

Reading this my jaw dropped to the floor - I could have written this myself. My ds is also 2.11 and displays lots of aggressive, confrontational behaviour (hitting/pinching/biting/spitting/kicking/scratching - mostly aimed at me), does not do what I ask him to, coupled with plenty of tantrums and meltdowns because he 'wants to do xyz/doesn't want to do xyz' and oscillates endlessly between the two. Plus he wakes up at 5 - 5.30 am most mornings (he sleeps at 9.30-10 pm. I am worn out. I am ready to have a tantrum, too.

Occasionally, he jumps on my lap and hugs me tight and says 'Mummy I love you'. And he is cute. I am trying to believe this makes it all worthwhile.

I can honestly say ds is so much more manageable now and those days that I posted about are a long forgotten memory. At the time I really was at my wits end, but hang in there, you will cone out the other side smiling, eventually anyway!