(Not) eating battles with 2.2 year old. Help!

[skydancer1]

My 2.2 year old has always been a quite fussy, conservative eater and recently this has got worse, with him refusing a lot of food automatically. I make a meal, give it to him and he just shouts "NO!" and pushes plate away - end of story! I think maybe I have now got into negative patterns around pressurising him to eat or maybe this is just the main arena for his asserting the famous 2 year old Will, as it feels like it has become a battlefield on the quiet. It's just so hard-wired into me as a mum to want him to eat nutritious food - or at least reasonably good food (I'm not faddy or trying to force broccoli and vegan nut meals on him BTW!) that I find it so painful to watch him only eat half a digestive biscuit and a tiny pot of yoghurt for dinner - basically very little and that's after having tried all sorts of other stuff. Otherwise he is drinking well (milk - both formula and normal, juices and water) and seems to be getting enough good stuff one way or the other as he seems very healthy and energetic, growing fast and a good weight.

It can make me cry trying to feed him though! I have tried being (pretending to be) cool about whether he eats anything or not, tried making it fun in different ways (car and aeroplane pasta, chase the peas which make a bee sound etc.) Tried eating together as a family v him eating alone, tried putting him in front of favourite programmes while he eats so he gets a pleasure/distraction factor, tried shamelessly manipulating him with YOutube short films of various toddlers eating (!). My DP thinks I should just let him either eat or not eat and make minimal fuss, and not make more than one meal for him if he doesn't seem to like the first one (that he would eat it if he was hungry). I think he's probably right, but he does not have it as his 'job' to feed my DS three or more times per day and so doesn't actually engage in this dynamic/problem/whatever it is as I do. I veer between thinking all is probably normal (and DS is getting enough good food in him one way or the other) and the battle of wills is bound to come out somewhere to thinking Ds is going to miss out on essential nutrients and/or will end up with an eating disorder from my stressing around him eating???? Help!

I know it's really really hard, but I think your dp is right. If he's healthy and energetic and peeing and pooing (your ds, I mean, not your dp!) then he's getting enough food from somewhere! I would back right off if you posibly can. Eat as a family whenever you can so he can see people eating and enjoying food, and serve him tiny portions if simple things that he's liked before. Trhy to make meal times light hearted and relaxed (easier said than done!) and it will get better, I promise

Something my mother said when I was stressing about my dd seemingly existing on fresh air was this "It's your job to provide nutritious, delicious meals - it's not your job to make anyone eat them" Hard - but true! Dd is now 12, by the way, and will eat - or at least try - absolutely anything that's put in front of her except tomatoes.

My dd1 is 4 and a very fussy eater who seems to exist on air as well.

Having been very stressed and asking for advice on here I have found that the best way is to do as seeker and others have suggested. I cook us as a family a healthy balanced meal and if she doesnt eat it then there is nothing else. We make no comment on her eating habits (in front of her that is) as it is partly an attention seeking problem. So there is no stress if she eats it or not and slowly this is working.

She will not starve herself and some days eats loads and others barely anything but over the course of a week she eats a fairly well balanced diet. So try not to worry, this is a very common problem and by stepping back a bit the problem can solve itself.

Thanks for your advice and sharing experience seeker and lavenderbongo! Ok I will really try this back right off thing/providing food but not expecting eating! I'll let you know how it goes.

Agree with the others, but would also add I would consider cutting out juice for a while and seeing if this makes a difference. Liquids can be very filling and so can stop them eating as well. Give it a go of just offering water/milk for a while and see if that helps.

I have a 2 year old that has never been keen on food since weaning. I only give juice with meals (better for teeth as well I understand). How much milk are you giving each day as that can fill them up at 2 they don't need formula. They don't need to drink milk at all at this stage, my DD doesn't as she has always refused to they just need two portions of dairy a day.

You sound very stressed I got to this stage too when DD was around 1 and was still only eating 6 peas at lunch time and would only eat pasta and pesto for tea.

I basically gave DD the food I knew she would eat and slowly introduced a new food alongside it.

Stop doing all the entertaining, TV, toys etc... it will just wear you out.

It is frustrating and demoralising to throw all the lovingly cooked meals away. Make the meals as easy to prepare as possible, makes it easier to throw out emotionally!

Give up milk and/or Juice? Well I don't think I'd cut juice out as DS doesn't drink much of it, but I will try cutting down on milk. I know 2 year olds don't need formula or even much milk, but my DS seems very keen on it last thing at night and first thing in the morning (could well be a comfort thing) but also has milk often in the middle of the day too. So maybe for now I'll experiment with first cutting out the middle one and see if that helps with appetite. If it obviously makes a difference I'll try cutting out the morning one or at least offering less.

my 2.5 DS is the same. I dont know what he lives on some days. I try not to stress about it as he is gaining weight and seems happy enough. I have noticed that one week he has an appetite and others such as this week is eating enough to keep a nat alive. Today hes had 2 squares of toast 1 bottle of milk, 1mouthful of mashed potato, 1 packet of crisps and then before bed 5 mouthfuls of pasta and a bottle of milk. Hardly anything.

If he says hes not hungry I take him down from the table and me and DD continue to eat. He doesnt get a yougurt after dinner then like DD does.
Im hoping he will soon decide he wants to eat instead of play sometime soon.

kbaby - good to get a breakdown of your DS's intake! Sounds much like my DS - yes. I have also noticed the fluctuations of appetite..