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Toilet issues - 4 yr old ds

6 replies

MollieO · 21/11/2008 22:38

Hope this is the right place to post this and after meal times so please don't read if you are sensitive.

Ds had stomach bug recently that effectively let his bowel blocked up and fecal incontinence. Lactulose helped but another issue seems to have arisen. He won't sit on the toilet, either at home or school. He says he is worried about germs. Instead he is having almost daily accidents in his pants. He now knows when he needs to go (which he didn't when he had fc) but won't go to the toilet.

His teacher is lovely and has offered to check the toilet at school before he uses it (it is cleaned four times a day as well) but doesn't seem to make a difference. We talk about it every evening and he promises to sit on the toilet every day but doesn't. When I try to persuade him he ends up virtually hysterical. Tonight I made him sit on the toilet. He got upset and then had his bath and ended up doing it in the bath.

Any advice on how to deal with this would be welcome. He was late toilet training (a year ago - prem baby so gross motor skills very delayed). I would hate for the other children at school to start calling him names - one has already. So I really need to sort this out now.

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FairLadyRantALot · 22/11/2008 13:01

Oh dear Mollie, that sounds like a difficult situation for all involved.
Tbh, I don't really know what to say....your ds's sitiation is very diffierent to my ms....who is 6 and has toilet issues....

is your son generally worried about germs and things like that, or do you think he is maybe using it as an excuse?
Do you think he would be willing to use a Potty? Whilst I realise that it would be a step back, but sometimes you have to do that in order to be able to move on, iykwim.

MollieO · 22/11/2008 20:43

FairLady thanks for the potty suggestion. I tried that this evening. He thought it was funny to sit on the potty whilst watching tv before going to bed. Took 45 mins and lots of crying but at least success. Hopefully if he gets back into a daily routine then I can try the toilet again in a couple of weeks. Also by going in the evening I hope he won't have more accidents at school.

I also threatened to keep him home from school (which he loves) so he seemed to make a real effort. He does seem to have a thing about germs since they learnt about them at school.

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FairLadyRantALot · 23/11/2008 17:09

Glad that the potty suggestion has the potential to work for you!
YOu know, and i know it's easier said than done, believe me...but it is best not to get to stressed out about it.
In case of any accidents, just change him with no fuss made in a matter of fact way. Only make a fuss when he has successes on the potty and hopefully eventually the toilet.

MollieO · 23/11/2008 20:58

Easier tonight and no crying. Think it won't be solved overnight but I am really keen for him to stop having accidents at school as he is at an all boys school and I worry about him being labelled by the others.

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FairLadyRantALot · 23/11/2008 22:12

Mollie...I wouldn't worry about it to much at this age....like I mentioned before, my now 6 year old has been having problems, ever since toilet training....and so far it has gone unnoticed by the other children....

BoysAreLikeDogs · 23/11/2008 22:22

Mollie have you thought that he might be constipated ?

This might seem a bit odd at first - the accidents in his pants might not look like he is constipated. BUT A big lump of poo can block up his lower bowel, and liquid poo flows around it, like a boulder in a stream, and he can't feel it leaking out of his bottom.

DS2 had this recently, made much worse by the fact that it hurt to poo.

Eventually we got Glycerine suppositories from the pharmacist, they soften the poo to make it easy to pass.

Warning TMI - it took just one supossitory and he went but not before we had poo running down his leg. Urrr !!

Carry on with the lactulose until you are sure that the problem is sorted.

Don't delay getting medical help if you are still concerned.

Good luck

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