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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 year old wept at being left at nursery - should I stop taking her?

11 replies

kerala · 18/11/2008 15:37

I have only left dd (two and a quarter) with family. I have arranged for her to attend a local nursery 2 mornings a week both so she gets a chance to interact with other children and so that I can get some sleep as her newborn sister is on a 2 hourly feeding schedule.

She seemed to be enjoying it and has been about 3 times with no tears and talks enthusiastically about it. But today she wept and clung to my leg so I just took her home with me. Should I abandon the whole idea? I know received wisdom is nurseries are marvellous and they get to socialise/prepare for school etc but Im not convinced. Other mums seemed to just peel weeping children off their legs and scarper but cant bring myself to do it. But then wonder if Im being a drip.

OP posts:

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CaptainKarvol · 18/11/2008 15:41

I'd give it a bit more of a chance. Find out when you collect her, how she was once you'd gone. If she has developed a loathing of the nursery, then make your decisions. If she'd just decided that today she'd rather be with mummy, well agreeing to that or choosing to send her anyway knowing that she'll enjoy herself when you've gone is your choice too.

milkysallgone · 18/11/2008 16:13

I've found that the first couple of weeks can be easy, it's only after this that they realise what's going on and can anticipate you leaving for x amount of time - hopefully she'll soon settle again.

IMO this is a totally normal stage of the settling in process. Perhaps the other Mums know that their dcs settle quite quickly after they've left, hence the reason they are able to 'peel' them off .

ElenorRigby · 18/11/2008 16:16

Its normal they take time to settle.

needmorecoffee · 18/11/2008 16:18

2 seems very little to me.

meemar · 18/11/2008 16:18

My DS2 was like this when he started preschool at 2.5, which was a real shock as DS1 had no problems settling.

If it's a good nursery they should be able to comfort and settle your DD quite soon after you leave. Mine said that if he didn't settle they would call me - they never needed to .

It is totally normal for little ones to be upset at separation. You are not a drip - I cried when I left DS2 shouting "mummy don't go....."

But after 3 sessions he was absolutely fine

DaisyMooSteiner · 18/11/2008 16:21

I think most children go through something similar and IME they often seem very settled initially, then panic a bit after the first week or two. You know your dd best, but personally I'd stick with it for now and see how she goes. If she start seeming unhappy outside of preschool, that's when I'd start to worry.

VinegarTits · 18/11/2008 16:23

She was probably just having an off day, so i wouldnt give up on the idea if i were you. maybe you could cut it down to one morning a week?

Fwiw i have off days were i dont want to go to work and just want to cling to my mums legs and say 'take me home with you, feed me, look after me' i am sure we all do.

doggiesayswoof · 18/11/2008 16:30

I'm in a different position - dd has been at nursery since she was 6 months old when I went back to work.

But FWIW I would stick with it. I see no harm in letting her come home with you if she doesn't want to be left - but try again, I think it will turn out to be a phase in her settling. I've seen loads of children looking a bit lost at dd's nursery when they are new, then you see them 2 weeks later and they are enjoyng themselves fine.

If it carries on OTOH, then maybe that particular nursery isn't for her.

I don't think that nursery is necessary for preparing for school etc - but I think it's important for you to get a break.

subtlemouse · 18/11/2008 16:37

Only you know your child, but mine would howl pitifully while I was in the room and the minute I left would turn round and join in perfectly happily with the rest of the day. (I know because you could look in through the windows...) Don't underestimate the manipulative power of the very tiny people!!!

Cosette · 18/11/2008 16:39

My DS was like this when starting at his childminder, fine for the first couple of weeks, then tears and clingy for a few weeks (only a couple of days a week), not helped by the fact that we went on holiday in the middle, so just as he was getting better we started again really. Although he was clingy when we were there, he did settle pretty much as soon as we'd gone, although a bit quiet. He'd always talk happily about his day which reassured me a lot.

He now happily goes in, and is very chatty and talkative whilst there - so happy we persevered. Had no choice really as I work. Stick with it for a while - and try and get a view to what he's like once you've gone. Can the staff take some photos of him playing happily to help reassure you?

Piccalilli2 · 18/11/2008 16:42

I think it depends how long she cries for after you leave. My dd1 (3) has been at nursery since she was 11 months and will still, very occasionally, cry when I leave her even though she loves it there. However, she's usually stopped before I've even reached the front door. If yours is the same, it's worth sticking with it as you know she's not really distressed at being left.

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