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disciplining a friends child while in your care..help me please!! I am going mad!!

7 replies

otherpeopleskids · 18/11/2008 11:25

i am looking after a friends little boy this morning. He is 3 (only just though). He is naughty. Parents don't care, think that if they just give him a slap thats it done with. He asked for something to eat. I openend the pack for him and offered them to him. He tried to snatch them off me grinning. I said 'what do you say?' to him and he just grinned at me. I came down to his level and said 'here, we say thank you' and he spat in my face. I sat him on a kitchen chair on his own and told him that he mustn't spit. I have gone back to him loads of times since and asked him if he is going to sot nicely and eat and say thank you. A few more times he has spat in my face again, and other times he has just screamed at me. Now ok, other peoples kids and all that, but I think that while he is here, a few manners wouldn't go astray surely? I don't know if i am doing the right thing of fighting a losing battle. I will be glad when he has gone home. I have ended up agreeing to have him a total of 4 times in 10 days, and he has broken so many things and hurt my dd, that she doesnt want him here!!

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MmeLindt · 18/11/2008 11:28

I don't think that I would be looking after him, tbh. Spitting in your face? That is shocking.

Can you speak with his parents about his behaviour? They need to be doing the disciplining, not you.

kitbit · 18/11/2008 11:30

My God.
Yes, I think it's very reasonable that you treat him as you would your own when he's with you. Or don't have him there and put your foot down.
Is he old enough to reason with? Can you tell him you won't be smacking him, but he has to listen? ds used to respond to bargaining at that age, but maybe he's gone too far for that and some time out/thinking spot/whatever is needed.
Good luck! Am so NOT !

mabanana · 18/11/2008 11:31

This all sounds quite disturbing to be honest. How well do you know his parents? Why are you looking after him? Is it for money? Do they hit him a lot? Is this for real? What would happen if you called his mother about this?

YeahBut · 18/11/2008 11:31

Don't agree to have him anymore. If your friend asks why, tell her the truth.

otherpeopleskids · 18/11/2008 11:34

i know the mother very well. their form of discipline is smacking. not my choice of discipline i have to say and i have never laid a finger on any of mine. I have looked after him as favour as shes had to go to various hospital appointments with her other dc. i will be telling her about his behaviour when she gets back but not sure about the response i will get.

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kitbit · 18/11/2008 13:32

hmm, I think I'd be inclined to mention it carefully in case she decides to give him another smack there and then

katiek123 · 18/11/2008 14:06

i had a similar situation last month. i often look after a good friend's son to helop her out- recently he bit a friend on the arm and hit DH on the arm with a tennis ball. completely unresponsive to any form of discipline (obviously i didn't lay a finger on him - in this case, neither do his parents). no answers really - just got through the rest of the time until he was due to go with him very sullen and moody as a result of the talking-to i gave him. it's SO tricky when they're not your own...

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