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Anyone else's DS (4) want Mum to play with them ALL the time? Argh!

8 replies

LeavesLeavesEverywhere · 18/11/2008 11:05

I love DS (4) to bits. He is bright, funny and feisty. But my God, I have just about had enough of his demands that I play with him what seems like constantly. OK, it isn't constantly - there are windows in the day, usually later in the day, when he will occupy himself for half-an-hour or more and that's my chance to tear around and get loads done. But by that point, I feel like putting my feet up and doing nothing!

This morning, DS woke up a bit early and I asked him to play by himself for a bit, next to the bed so he could be close by, just while I had a bit more sleep. Cue an hour-long heated "discussion" (basically a slanging match) between the two of us. He said he will not ever, ever play on his own; that he feels alone when he plays by himself. He said he felt disappointed because I had wasted play time before school by staying in bed and not getting up to play with him. He said I was mean and horrid, attempted to kick me (I'm not having that!) and slammed doors a few times. He also did a tiny wee on the floor and said it happened because, "When you were mean, Mummy, I wet myself." My God, what a bloody miserable start to the day!

We have both apologised, turned things around a bit, talked about compromise and he has called me a "perfect" mummy (don't know how he came to that conclusion!), but I really don't want this dynamic to be regularly rearing its head for a while to come. AIBU to want an occasional, mini lie-in and to do my own thing with him beside me doing his own thing? I have lots of interests and prize time on my own, so this is more than a bit suffocating for me. The resentment is building.

I have a friend who doesn't play with her son ever and another who bans playing on a school morning. I'm not saying I want to go this far, and these are families with two parents and two or three kids - but how do they do that?!

Is DS's behaviour par for the course for an average four-year-old, or at least a young only child with only one resident parent?

Grateful for any reassurance/advice.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
asdmumandteacher · 18/11/2008 11:18

My DS1 (9) has always been like that and only recently able to occupy himself

LeavesLeavesEverywhere · 18/11/2008 12:17

Crikey, asdmum. Why, for some reason, did I think DS would play on his own a bit more now?

I know DS can occupy himself, as he does, spontaneously, at various times. But when asked to play by himself for a bit, all hell breaks loose.

How have you handled it with your DS? Have you simply been there and played with him as much as you possibly can? I do wonder how I'll get anything else done if I do this, and can see me becoming resentful.

Thanks for posting, BTW. Glad to hear your DS is occupying himself a bit more now and thereby freeing you up a little.

OP posts:
Smee · 18/11/2008 12:36

Sounds horribly familiar . We're loads better now. Basically I set the agenda and don't give him space or chance to argue. Within that though I give him choices, so he feels involved. So I say, right we have to clean bathroom/ do the washing/ gardening, or whatever and say you can either help or you can play by yourself while I do it. I tell him once it's done and only once it's done we can play together, or go out to somewhere like the park. If he kicks off, I ignore him and get on and do it regardless. He rarely complains these days, as he's got used to it.

  • if it's something for me - eg having a shower or something then I do the same, so say you can come and talk to me, or play by yourself or sometimes I let him watch the tv. Since I've been clearer about what we're doing and stuck with it, he's got noticably better at playing by himself. He's also got lots better at being useful and helping me with the housework, etc. Definitely worth a go, though if he's like my DS you'll have a few battles before you get anywhere...
Bramshott · 18/11/2008 12:43

My DD1 was very full-on at 4, but now at nearly 6 she vanishes into her bedroom for hours at a time!

scattyspice · 18/11/2008 12:44

Leaves, it can drive you mad can't it, and I think it is important that they learn to occupy themselves.

I find with DS it helps if I suggest something to play with, or get it out for him then leave the room.

My two will play (independently or together) if I am obviously busy (or pretending to be) or out of sight, but don't allow me to simply sit down and have a cup of tea. Last year I took up knitting (still on the same wonky scarf) so that I could sit down and still be busy ('I'm busy knitting at the moment, I'll help you when I've finished' My Mum used to do this).

scattyspice · 18/11/2008 12:45

Also, I put the TV on before school.

needmorecoffee · 18/11/2008 12:46

my older 3 occupied themselves but dd 4 is quadraplegic so needs playing with all the time. It can be very boring as I have to build duplo towers and make teddy bears talk to each other. dull.
Unless she learns to watch TV it will always be like this

asdmumandteacher · 18/11/2008 19:29

the irony with my house is that my severely autistic son will keep himself (generally) amused for longer than my NT son

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