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shy?awkward?sensitive?no social skills?ADVICE PLEASE!

2 replies

hag · 09/03/2003 17:58

My 4 year old, who's clever, imaginative, and very lovely, sometimes seems to lack any social common sense/boundaries. She will go up to people she has only met once or twice with huge enthusiasm and is often rebuffed by "Cooler" children, even if they are younger than her. She will also talk in a baby voice to strangers, or seemingly deliberately behave like a much younger child.
She can come across as rather silly and annoying and I sometimes feel like she is selling herself short.

I find myself getting embarrassed by her behaviour and wanting to explain to other people that she is really not like that. Sometimes I get angry, partly on her behalf, and partly because I don't understand! We have always socialised a lot so its not like she hasn't had opportunities to observe. We live in an inner city where "cool" social behaviour is pretty much a prerequisite for school survival, and I am slightly worried on her behalf.

Can I TEACH her social survival skills without it taking away her spontaneity? She is already over-conscientious and I am aware that some of this behaviour - the second part - probably comes from anxiety/shyness, and the first part is just because she is very loving.

Can anyone help please - with my responses (wchih I think are making this worse) and with her behaviour? Cheers.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
KMG · 09/03/2003 18:42

Can sociability be taught? My gut response is no, but there are some things that can help.

DS1 has the social skills of a cabbage - ds2 is the life and soul of the party - and always has been. Things that ds2 has done naturally, we have to teach ds1 to do ... like asking people's names, being interested in other people, smiling more, being gentle, kind and considerate ...

Having said that, 4 is very young and many children struggle socially at this age. Does she go to nursery? Have you asked the nursery teacher how she does there?

IDismyname · 10/03/2003 12:17

I can sympathise on the "silly voices"! My ds, aged 4.5 insists on using his most of the time. It seems to be a symptom of their age, I guess, as several other mums of children the same age have a similar problem. It really gets up the nose of dh, but I'm more inclined to let it pass.

The youngest son of a good friend took ages to talk, and communicated by grunts for months, but ds seems to have picked this up too, despite being 2.5 yrs younger than the boy in question.

Can't help on the other social skills - I think that every child is different, as KMG said. As long as your dd has plenty of interaction with others her age, it will come with age.

Whatever you do, don't make too much of an issue about it, as I think this'll create more of a problem

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