How to respond to dd's negative feelings about coming baby?

[francesrivis]

Hi, my dd is 2 and a half and I am expectING dc2 in February. When we first told her about the baby a couple of months ago she was quite excited, but has since seemed to become a bit insecure about it, culminating in her saying yesterday "I don't want the baby". I'm sure it's probably quite normal, but just wondering if anyone else has any experieence of this and the best way to respond? tia

Bumping for you.

Don't know if i have anything constructive to say, but my ds was 2 when I was expecting dd. We always made sure that we said that the baby was Mummys, Daddy's, and DS's. Told him lots that the baby would probably love him best - just played up the positives really - didn't mention any of the "when the baby comes you will have to do this, and won't be able to do that etc etc"

Good Luck

Just a few ideas that I've seen my sisters use with their LOs when number two arrives; Perhaps leave her alone about it for a little while (a couple of weeks) and then 're-launch' the idea in a really positive way?

I think it helps to talk about 'our' new baby, so that your dd feels like the new arrival is hers as well as yours. I also think that encouraging some baby-doll play can help, as you can prepare her for what babies need to have done for them before it all happens. Also talk up the role of Big Sister and how important and special that is, so that she feels like she is getting a new responsibility and treat by becoming a big sister. Making it 'all about her' rather than something that is happening to mummy is helpful.

The old stand-by of buying a couple of special presents for her 'from the baby' to hand over in the first few days/weeks is a good one. Then she'll associate the new LO with bringing good things into her life.

We also found that it helped my niece (then just coming up to two years old) be more positive about the forthcoming arrival when she spent a bit of extra time with me and my then quite small DS. We turned baby-care into a kind of game together where she helped me change his nappy and get his bed ready and all that. We talked a lot about how much more she can do than my little baby too - so that puffed her up a bit - and also how she had to protect a little baby as they are helpless. The next few times I saw her, she picked up one of her dolls and followed me around copying whatever I was doing with DS at the time. My sister still talks about how helpful that all was in getting her to be more positive about DD2.

HTH.

Get her involved once the baby arrives 9nappies, bathtime etc)

Try and have some 1:1 time with her each day

Try and keep some of her routines going, if you can (playgroup, park etc)

Expect some of her behaviour to slip, and make allowances for it. It will get better (Been there )

If in doubt, stick C-Beebies on

Keep telling her what a lovely and clever big sister she will be, how much more than the baby she can do because she is such a big girl etc etc

Congrats by the way

the best advice ive heard was here, and that was to in a way work it as you and you DD are almost against the baby (not in a mean way, im not putting this accross well lol) ie when new dc cries etc say oh DD dont you think X is a silly baby,or when dc poops say oh DD isnt DC a stinker? almost make her feel one of the grown ups, as long as this is kept playful she will see thta she is still loved etc, and may even jump to defence of new sibling! congrats!

Thanks for advice, will try leaving it for a couple of weeks and then put into practice some of the ideas here.