Sensitive boy....any suggestions please.

[robin3]

DS1, nearly 5, is quite a touchy/sensitive boy. As he's our first child we've never really been able to compare him to others but over the years we have noticed little things but not paid much attention. Now he's at school and that was the feedback...so

• bursts in to tears if he thinks he's getting things wrong
• one of the worst swimmers despite having lessons twice a week
• has to be coaxed in to trying at activities that he thinks he will not be able to do
• seems to hold a grudge it other boys upset him and responds to them in a grumpy way

Lots of other great things about him but this grumpy/touchy attitude thing is a real problem. So what do you think...is it lack of confidence, too much confidence i.e. doesnt respond to peer pressure?
How can we help him?
Is it nature or nurture?

He sounds alot like mine - but mine responds by getting angry and lashing out. i just think keep praising him to the skies, my mum always told me as a child, you can only do your best, don;t worry if you cant do EVERYTHING perfectly- its something i repeat to mine too.

re swimming - what about him and daddy going on a boys outing to the swimming pool on a saturday morning together just to splash and have fun? it will build up his confidence and maybe sometimes they can go for a milkshake or something nice together on the way home as a treat - that way he will look forward to it more. Mine was terrified of water till he was 4 and then it suddenly got better - we really didn't push it. they all develop at different speeds.

we bought quite a few cd roms to do at home for learning numbers and letters and so on, and it has definitely given him more confidence....he thinks its fun which is half the battle.

i dont think the coaxing into new activities is a problem at all. We do alot of "lets do it together". once he's realised he can do it, he is so proud of hiself. I think the important thing is to emphasise all the little victories and tell them how proud you are of them.

We have a sensitive 6 ds too.

He takes things to heart and often burst into tears if he doesn't get things perfect (perfect to him anyway).He gets very upset if he has fall outs at school (and of course they do-its part of growing up).We really don't dwell on his 'upset',we talk about whats on his mind and look at the positive things he achieved etc.

Maybe your son isn't a 'natural' swimmer? Maybe you should withdraw him from his lessons and let him decide when he's a little older.I wouldn't dream of sending our ds to football training as he shows no interest in the sport,it would only upset him more if he was forced to do it.

Interesting info on 'sensitive' children.

It maybe just part of you son's personality or just a stage of his childhood,but I would say nurture what he's got but at the same time, a gentle push towards confidence building.

Thanks for these posts...really interesting. Will look at that website in detail.

On swimming...he's been to lessons with his Dad since 6 months old. Stopped going after a stupid underwater photographic session when he was emersed and a man in a black snorkel was there to greet him with a camera!!! Again, most children none the wiser but DS1 terrified.
At 2 in Portugal he couldn't go to the pool enough and since then he goes to our local pool with friends and his Dad a fair bit but hates the noisy environment. Thing is his school includes swimming twice a week so not a optional activity really. His teacher was using his poor swimming as a way of comparing his level of confidence vs other boys.

Thinking of getting him a one-to-one teacher to take it at his pace and without a noisy pool.

my ds1 is quite sensitive too at 4.5. he is similar to your son apart from holding a grudge against other children. i think the swimming thing seems to expect a lot from a nearly 5 year old. i was an excellent swimmer at primary/secondary but i couldn't get to grips with it until i was about 7.5 and then was physically more developed. i'm sure the lessons are fun but its really nice to muck about with your parents at that age too. my son positively glows with happiness after we have taken hbim swimming.

i think also their sensitivity should be recognised and not ignored but its difficult for a 4year old to understand teasing and having a joke (he regularly bursts into tears if we tease him..in a nice way, we are very loving parents!) but thats family life isn't it to be jokey with each other

my son is in reception and i think school just absolutely exhausts them and by the end of wed. he has really had it...even though he has 11-12hrs sleep!

robin3 my DD is just the same - things getting easier as she gets older but still scored 18 on that sensitive child questionnaire (thanks for the link poshwellies!) and it's been really, really challenging raising her - esp the 3-5 years. she is 7 now and things will gradually get better for your son too as he gets more able to handle his strong emotions and to discuss them. my DD is incredibly touchy and grumpy too esp when tired eg after long day at school. family outings can easily descend into all-out battlefields over tiny things. for the last year she has refused to go swimming with us as a family bcs 'the water is too cold'! we have to choose our battles carefully and actually she recently agreed to go back to it and it's going well (with wetsuit top on at all times!). i think, to answer your question, that it's nature not nurture (my DS is totally different, very mellow and laid-back) and that you can help him massively. you already are just by trying to understand and support him. read 'the highly sensitive child' and 'raising your spirited child' (which has lots on sensitivity too).good luck - you are certainly not alone! x