11yr old DS1s violent out bursts. mainly towards DS2 9 . What do i do? :-(

[tortoise]

Tonight DS1 threw a toy at DS2's head on purpose. He had already throw it before that and hit him with it but said he didn't mean and DS2 ducked and it hit him.
DS2 now has a big lump on his head.

They can both be rough with each other but the DS1 takes it too far and hits/kicks harder in anger.

How do i stop this behaviour?
Have banned PC for tomorrow and said he is not to go to a friends after school.
He is constantly in a bad mood. Partly his age i guess.

Is there anything bothering him?

Perseved injustices?

Bullying at school?

I don't know.
Maybe it is because of the abuse he suffered from my xp. Been 3 years now since he was removed from the house by the courts.
DS2 got on ok with Xp.

They do sometimes play well together but often just say they hate each other .

I need to have a chat with him i guess. Finding it all a bit hard to cope with on my own.

tortoise
If you think it's linked to abuse from xp is there no help available for him?

Tortoise, I work with boys affected by domestic abuse and would be more than happy to send you the resources I use with the boys to help them try to deal with their anger & other emotions.

Or just chat. I've never registered for the CAT thing because I haven't looked in to it properly but if you would like to talk more then I will sprt the CAT thing out.

Cornsilk I have no idea. I don't even know if it is linked but i guess i have been expecting problems at some point.

Anotherfinemess That would be great, thank you. My email is [email protected]

They are quite close in age perhaps the older one is needing a bit of "me time", or getting a bit of privilages as he the older one. Helped when I felt my eldest was getting a bit out of hand and getting angry all the time. Sorry not much advice.

I've e-mailed you Tortoise so that you have my details. I'll send you my groupwork programme when I get back into work on Wed.

None of them really get any me time . I wouldn't know what to do with him tbh. Well, he would probably want to play Lego!

Thank you. I will go look at emails.

Sometimes with DS all I can manage is 5 mins chatting about school or stuff or seeing how his latest comic is coming on, but I basicly tell DD to bugger off as I am talking to DS, works better if I get her busy with something first. Or I might make an effort to video something a programme he likes and try to watch it with him rather than faffing about like I normaly do, also taken him out for "posh" dinner (local indian) on his own.
I try to take 5 to appreciate his lastest achievements on his computer game or what ever even though I am not remotely interested .