Am getting a bit worried about this behaviour in dd.

[milkysallgone]

She is almost 4, very bright, chatty,and energetic, but I'm getting increasingly concerned over the way she interacts socially.

It's a bit tricky to explain but I'll try. I would say she is quite a boisterous character and has no problems playing with friends at nursery etc, but we seem to have issues when in situations where she feels under any sort of pressure to 'perform'.

For instance if we meet friends for play: The first half an hour or so is spent with dd acting up/ being really silly and sometimes embarassingly rude, and after a bit she settles. Doctors appointments are becoming really stressful; dd refuses to let them near her, starts displaying regressive and aggressive verbal behaviour.

Any sort of organised activity is pretty much out of the question. Where as others seem to just get on with it, dd just won't join in or do a simple task such as if asked to sit down. It's starting to get me down lately and I am finding myself avoiding some social situations for fear of dd's behaviour.

I've made her sound awful but she is a lovely, articulate little girl; but I just feel that this is limiting the fun we could be having. What could be construed as bad behaviour seems to me to be about her being self-conscious to me. This week I have declined lunch with another Mum and re-arranged seeing a friend so she is at nursery .

I would really appreciate any thoughts on why she could be acting this way and anything I could to to help her.

Yes I am aware that a lot of this only goes on when I'm there.

My DS was somewhat like this for a long time - he would cling to me at parties, then finally go and play 10 minutes before tea and be upset that he had 'missed out' - or we would queue up for a fairground ride that he really really wanted to go on and he would bottle out just as (or just after ) we got on. He would also clam up when spoken to by strangers to the extent that a couple of people asked me if there was something 'wrong' with him because I would answer for him rather than leave him suffering for too long.

Two things I would say - I did finally manage to stop pushing him to go and play, and also we discovered that anything to do with animals was fine - for example, a donkey ride on the beach when he was almost 3 - I thought for sure he would bottle out as per the fairground rides, but he went without a backward glance.

Then one day (at about the age of the OP's DD) he just stopped - we went to yet another soft play party and he just took off with his friends as soon as we got in the door and I hardly saw him for the rest of the party - then he started his new school and clearly made a conscious decision to be 'brave' - he was so nervous, but he walked in with head held high and without a single tear.

People often comment now on what a confident little boy he is (he is just 6). DH and I know that he isn't, in fact, and he does still have huge self-confidence issues but he has learned to put a brave face on it and has worked out that life is a lot more fun if you join in instead of watching and the regretting that you missed out. I can't take any credit for that - personally I believe that he worked it out for himself, and I am incredibly proud of him for doing so.

Sorry - v. long and rambly post but the point is that DC can and do grow out of this...

this is all NORMAL

honestly

but it does help if you don't compare them to other children tbh

That is good to hear steahth

Actually softplay is the one placed where dd does tend to dive in and isn't worried. At this party I was referring to it was the expectation that she would have to sit around the table with the other children with us 'watching' that freaked them both out. Took me 10 mins to persuade her to sit on her chair to eat.