can anyone reassure me that my ds' behaviour is normal please?

[lisalisa]

I have 5 kids. I say this so that my anxiety shoudln't be taken for inexperience or the natural worry of the mother of a first born. All 4 of my kids started nursery and in the normal course started making friends and interacting with other kids. All 4 had nannies and i worked equally with all 4.

My ds2 is 3 exactly ( it was his brithday a few days ago). He has been at a pre-school linked to my other kids' primary school since early Sept. It was a bit hard for him to settle initially and sometimes is a bit hard for him to separate in teh mornings but nothing unusual. What is worrying me though is that he has no interest whatsoever in the other kids . He seems to have no need for their company and does not know any of their names or show any desire to interact or paly with them. In contrast, he is settled in the pre-school, happily joins in all activities offered and sits for circle time and helps tidy when asked and enjoys painting , play doh etc.

he has formed an atachment to the primary carer there and talks about her. When I ask him about the other kids - who he has played with etc he always says just this carer. No matter how I try to coax out of him the names of other kids there's a blank.

he is verbal, articulate and seems fairly advanced for his age. He has no problem playing with the friends of his older siblings generally or relating to other kids. The problems seems to be with kids his own age. when it was his birthday on monday the class held a small party ( as they always do for birthday s) and ds was asked to choose 2 children to dance with. He stared literally blankly into the sea of faces and would not choose or name. I asked him to point to a child he would like to dance with but he said he didn't want to dance with any of them just mummy and Aunti M ( the name the children call the pre-school leader - i haven't repeated her full nam,ehere ). When pushed by Aunti M to choose he just blindly pointed towards 2 kids but when the dancing started he seemed completely unaware of them.

Anyone had experience of this? Will it settle or is this first inddication of him being a loner or something more serious? Autism even crossed my mind as he is very fixated on his cars which must always be out and in a set pattern etc although he is also spontaneous and relates very well to dh and i and siblings........

Please do help if you can........

Fallen off active convos so bumpity bump..........

I think - of it's own, I would keep an eye on it but not worry unduly as he's fitting in well with the rest of the pre-school routine - it's only once kids are 3 that you would even start to expect playing together rather than parallel play.

Thanks totalchaos _i know abotu the parallel play rule and the over 3 yrear old mark.. However - all my other kids knew the names of a afew others in their class well before this and some were having playdates etc by 2.5yrs. My dd3 found her best friend by 2.5yrs. Someting just doesn't feel 100% here but what it could be I don't know...........

Well ds is 3.11 yrs old and has been at his nursery for a year. It took me about 8 months to get him to name anyone as a friend. Even now he only names one boy consistently. The staff say he plays with other children but this did take several months to happen.

I do think some children are ready for peer socialising much earlier than others.

Totalchaos knows a lot about these things and I'd listen to her.
He's one of 5 kids. He gets to play with older children at home. Let's face it, they have more to offer at this stage. He's got a good deal and he knows it!
hard when they are "different" though isn't it? but I'm sure we weren't expected to have "friends" at 3 when I was little...

Sounds exactly like my DD2 (she is 2.6) and apparently perfectly normal!

I have been worried for a while. When I asked who does she play with at nursery, who her friends are etc she always names the staff (one member on particular). When I leave her there she seems to play next to the other children than with them etc. She only knows the names of the older children because they are DD1s friends.

I asked her Key Worker last week how she was getting on (as I was worried about this - DD1 had loads of friends by that age) and she said that it was prefectly normal for a child of that age (up to 3 - sometimes 3.5+) to be like this. She also has similar fixations to your DS, lines up her toy cars exactly - no-one must move them or all hell breaks loose, spends hours sorting things, likes things done in a particular order.

tbh I wouldn;t worry yet, he is still only young and he sounds happy and settled to me.

Lisa-you are obviously aware that it could be something...or nothing. I have 5 myself by the way (all boys!)

Just remain aware and be watchful and you will know if there is a problem. Two of mine have Asperger's- perhaps you could do a bit of reading about this and see if anything else fits. (The cars thing and the reluctance to play with others would fit, as would the advanced abilities).

lisa my 7 yr old was very late to develop much interest in other children, and remains quite an introvert but does now have several friends (though not a best one as such). however she definitely didn't have any named friends at 3, and was very determined, fixated on certain rituals and routines,sensitive and tricky generally to parent i have to say (your DS sounds more mellow than she was/is!). i was pretty worried at that stage and did let asperger's cross my mind on a number of occasions (bcs of a couple of other behavioural traits as well) but she is FINE. just late to develop much of a 'feel' for people. they do vary hugely in this respect and if you have 4 others who were very different then of course you're bound to feel a bit anxious. but it sounds a little early to be worrying excessively to me

thanks everyone - tiggiwinkle - am off to read about aspergers now. Just want to reassure myself really.