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Worried dd not able to find friends!

4 replies

colie · 14/11/2008 11:16

Not sure if this is appropriate section to post this in.

DD is in yr2 (nearly 6 and a half).
She has always played with a group of about 7-10 girls. The leader I will cal X and a newly developed right hand man B. B has been on the scene for past 6 months or so.

Anyhow she invited her friends including X and B to her birthday party last June. X then had her party in Sept and didn't invite DD (second year in a row).

End of Sept I had B back for tea, stupidly thinking it might help their friendship. B's mum stayed and we chatted. All seemed fine. Then in October dd started complaining to me about B saying she was always telling on her etc. Thought typical girl stuff. One day whilst they were playing after school all the telling started and my dd ended up in tears. The next day B's mum and I had a talk to the girls and told them to be nice to each other. I was surprised when B's mums said "you's don't have to be frineds but be nice" . The way my dd acted and spoke about B I thought they were friends.

Eg. If they see each other on way to school they hold hands and chat excitedly going in. Apart, from that day, they seem to play nicely together after school. ACtively looking for each other to play with.

When X is on the scene then dd is dumped a bit and I see her having to sort of stand a bit more outside the game.

Anyhow, now B has handed out her party invites to all the girls that play together apart from my dd. Dd says they are the "girly gang" yet all in the "gang are invited apart from her.

I am just upset for her because both of the people, whom I know she classes as her best friends haven't invited her.

Has anyone any advice, do I presume that these two girls just don't like my ddd and let her play with the "gang" because they would get into trouble otherwise.

I have began to think, maybe she is a nuisance to them and they are just tolerating her. If this is the case then I would actively encourage her to make friends outwith the gang. I am also thinking maybe she hasn't learned the same etiquette's as the rest of the gang. The rest of the gang invite my dd to their parties. Just not these two.

I was thinking of acting daft to B's mum and saying to her "dd has lost her invite to B's party, what time is it on at?"
Not to see her squrim as such, thoug. would be good . But just to hopefully get a feeling on the situation.

Sorry to go on, and wel done for reading all this.

OP posts:
colie · 14/11/2008 11:28

Just wanted to add, that X and B's mums are quite friendly now. Taking their dd's to haloween parties and pictures together.

OP posts:
TinySocks · 14/11/2008 13:27

Oh goodness,it so horrible when as you child you feel left out of the gang! I feel for your DD. The best thing is to help her keep her chin up high and realise that it's not her fault.

If rest of the girls do involve DD in parties, then maybe you could persuade her to just ignore these two girls? I think I would explain to her that if they don't want to be friends with her then just let them go and that she'll find new friends. It's hard but, you just cannot force a friendship.

You've done what you could, invited her over to play, had a chat with her mum. It doesn't reflect badly on your DD, children are simply like this, one day they are your friend the next they aren't. Your DD will make other friends I'm sure.

colie · 14/11/2008 14:14

Thanks for reply.

I think I am just so hurt for her as these two were top of her party invite list and everyone who knows dd has passed comment about how much she talks about X.

I will have to try and encourage her to make friends with the ones outside the "gang". Have tried this but she isn't interested in anyone else.

OP posts:
katiek123 · 14/11/2008 19:56

ooh colie i am getting all upset on your and your DD's behalf - how can she not be getting invites to these two's parties? and what the f**k are the MUMS up to? i could never let my child exclude someone she played with regularly (and with apparent enjoyment) like that - what's their game?! girl politics are hell. my DD goes to a small school with not many kids in each class so everyone pretty much feels compelled to invite everyone to parties, thankfully as i am sure otherwise DD would be suffering like this too .it's a cruel world eh?! no answers sorry but sympathy in bucketloads and a definite aggrieved shake of the head at those parents i'm afraid.

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