Can DH and I mess up our child's personality???

[KittyCat8]

Hi all!

DH has just asked a question regarding DC-to-be's personality. Is it purely a genetic thing, their temperament and so on, or does "nurture" have a say as well?

His specific example - if you read a child "happy" books and sing happy songs and laugh a lot, will that produce a smiley child? And vice versa - scary stories and sad songs equals a serious child? We're expecting in April and would hate to get it wrong...

Looking forward to your replies!

Kittycat8
XXX

it's the million dollar question innit

personally I believe your personality and the way you view life is partly nature and partly nuture.

And while you and your dh will have a huge effect on your dc life, there are other things that will influence them that are out of your control (other people, events that happen to them, the unforseen stuff as well).

2 children can be raised in the same way by their parents and have completely different personalities.

It's very interesting watching their personalities develop.

Best wishes for april

Don't worry, whatever you do will be wrong!
DOn't worry about it. That is the main thing. Don't 'try'. Just do what feels right for you all as a family. You find your own way.

their temperaments are definitely innate, but there is a lot you can do to help them hone their strengths and manage their weaknesses. i have one child with an intrisically negative outlook on life who is coming out of her shell and brightening up as she grows older and gains in confidence. the other is - just by nature - more sunny and extrovert and has had an easier run so far bcs of that. nurture definitely plays a part in the shaping of the raw material but an awful lot of their personality is predetermined!

my sil has twin boys who couldn't have more different personalities. it really helped me to stop beating myself up over ds's poor sleep habits when i realised that one of her boys is the perfect, all night sleeper while the other is hard to settle and wakes frequently.

their personalities are like mirror images of each other which is fascinating when you think that they have been brought up in exactly the same way.

Bit of both. The genes from my side of the family are bloody awful (don't get me started) and my ds1 definitely shows signs of being a (insert maiden name).

I am trying my damndest to nurture those genes out of him.

'They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.'
Philip Larkin.

You can't 'fix yourself' before they're born, you can only love them with all your heart and do your honest best.

Congratulations!

I always believed in nurture over nature.... until DD was born. SHe had 'her' personality from birth! I was so surprised.
Obviously we will influence her morals, ethics, beliefs, etc... but her personality was utterly inate. So much so that paediatrician and consultants remarked on it when she was still very small. (she REALLY knows her own mind)