ds1 hit twice in 2 wks by child with aspergers ....

[louise66]

DS1 is nearly 6 and in year 1 at a 'v good'
C of E primary school. He is generally well behaved and doing well accademically. Over the last 2 weeks a fellow pupil in same class has hit my son in the face on 2 separate occasions, leaving him with a burst lip and a scratch just under his eye.The teacher explained that these incidents occurred during football. This boy got 'overexcited' and landed out at my son. Said child had been disciplined and the matter was now dealt with. This child is gifted accademically but because of aspergers (apparently) cannot control his emotions like a 'normal' child of his age. It is an ongoing problem and he has already hit several other children, one during the same week my son was hit. School is trying lots of different strategies to help this child, reward charts etc but the teacher admitted that she didn't really know what to do. Chance is it might not happen again to my son, but if it does what do we do ? Tell ds to hit him back, request interview with the head ? I'm not wanting to start a witchhunt but don't want my son to fear going to school.... Hope someone could maybe give advice, thanks Louise

Do not tell your ds to hit back.

Request an interview with the Head. The teacher sounds like she needs support with the situation.

do not tell your DS to hit back. Whilst it's not nice, the other child can't help it.

the school should be supporting the other child and appear to be failing. I took my aspie child out of school cos they couldn't support him. That was 10 years ago. that schools are still not getting it right.

Does the child with Asperger's have a SNA?
Request meeting with head,I wouldn't wait for another incident necessarily but that depends on how your son is and if this affected him. Does he understand that X is a little different and that a little more patience is needed etc?
Talk to your ds first,hth

Do you know what type of support this little boy has in place? Does he have a 1-1? Sounds like he's already at a loss if the teacher doesn't really know what to do with him.

My ds was (and still can be when stressed) very aggressive. He would lash out when stressed. And P.E was an incredibly stressful part of the school day. The school acknowledged this and decided that it was best all round that he didn't have to partake in any school activities.

Why do you say 'apparently' he has aspergers?

Should say PE/sport school activities!!

Don't encourage your son to hit back. Ask for a meeting with the head. Ask to see your school's policy on supporting children with special needs and ask what risk assessment they have done of the risk that this child may pose to his fellow pupils and how they are managing that risk.

You are right not to start a witch hunt and this child is entitled to an education like any other child. He is also entitled to confidentiality like any other child. But your son is entitled to be safe at school and you are entitled to ask how the school intends to keep him safe.

Sorry. That sounds very bossy.

If that child is statemented, or even if he isn't, he should have a TA. I work with a child with Aspergers in Year 6. He has hit out in the past but now usually swears. Trouble is that he has no real understanding that what he is doing is wrong. They lack empathy and are often bullied themselves so they repeat that behaviour. See it as a toddler who cannot control his emotions and so has a tantrum, bites and pulls his mother's hair. This is what they are doing, they have not yet learnt to control their emotions. But this boy can learn.

Ask if your school has a social skills group - it's important that this boy learns the social skills that other children take for granted. The earlier he is taught social skills, the more receptive he will be.

I don't use a reward chart for my pupil anymore, once he had his reward he would then behave badly, we now use a Golden Time chart. He starts off with 30mins golden time but if he does something wrong, some of that time can be taken away. So if he doesn't listen in lessons or apply himself, one minute is taken away. If he swears or name calls, 3 minutes are taken away. If he hits or pushes or makes racist comments, 5 minutes are taken away. So far this approach is working. It makes them take responsibility for their actions.

For your part, you can talk to your child about Aspergers - the library will have books on the subject. Explain why this boy may hit out and suggest that your son avoids him at times such as break and lunch - when their social skills are tested beyond their capabilities. But by understanding this boy, will help your son to deal with the problem.

HTH

I think its unacceptable for the school to say they are at a loss what to do. It isnt rocket science ffs. They should do their research and deal with the problem. Fair enough that the boy has additional needs but they need to make sure his behaviour is being managed properly as its not fair that your son and others are getting hurt by him because they are failing to do this

I tell my ds to hit back btw but he says he cant as he would get in trouble with the teacher

As the parent of a son with AS and ADHD who regularly hits out I would advise that you have a meeting with the HT to discuss your concerns. Its horrible when other parents complain but sometimes its whats needed to get the right support in place.

DS has a statement and fulltime 1:1 but when he started at middle school this sept there were quite a few problems. I had told them that he finds football very exciting and often hits out but the school hadn't taken my concerns seriously enough and had let him play every day. His new TAs hadn't got to know him and so didn't spot the warning signs in time and there were several incidents. I suggested that he not be allowed to play football until he had settled down a bit more and that then he only be allowed to play it once a week as a treat with close supervision and the school have now agreed to this.

Tell you ds not to hit back as that definitely won't help and also explain that this other boy doesn't mean to hit out. The children in ds old school got used to his outbursts and tended to just stay out of his way until he was calm again.

It sounds like the school aren't putting proper provision in place, either for the boy with asperger's, or the other members of the class. Does the rest of class understand why this boy behaves as he does? Perhaps the class teacher/head should explain to them.

If you speak to the head, perhaps this will help the school understand they are not giving adequate support to anyone - your son should not be at risk from being hit, and the boy with asperger's should be given proper support, which will help everyone.