tantrums in shops

[Boblina]

Hi all, I think my dd is just finding him independence and that is lovely but when we go to the shops he is a nightmare. He wants to walk but won't hold my hand or have his rains. He loves to run through the iles and discover. He does not get the fact that he has to stay by me. If he is not allowed to do what he wants he basically screams, cries, lies on the floor, ckicks, you name it. He is 17 months. I always take the buggy so it is difficult to watch that and hold his hand. What do people do? How do people deal with this behaviour, how do you teach them to walk with you? Thanks

Sounds normal to me!
At that age I used bribery, plus routine. As in "we always do it this way" and doing it the same every time so he knows the deal.
For instance I used to lift him up into the trolley seat with a distraction and say "when we've finished we'll do X ".
For shops without trolleys he stayed in the buggy "but you can get out when we've finished" and then made sure to let him out afterwards.
Teaching them to walk with you is all very well but at 17 months it's hard when there are so many exciting things to explore so it's usually not possible so you need to either insist on the buggy, or avoid altogether until he's through this phase! Running amok in shops is a nightmare for you and for other shoppers.

Tantrums - I used to either scoop him up and take us all somewhere quieter and let it blow over, or try and talk him through it. ds was late with his words, so I used to try and ask him why he was upset "are you cross because you want to run over there and I won't let you?" Doesn't work with all toddlers but used to work with ds. He'd calm down when he realised I understood, and then we'd make a deal "you come with me for 5 mins to do this thing then we'll go outside and you can run around that tree" or whatever. Took some time but it worked for ds!

good luck

Thanks Kikbit. It's nice to hear that it's normal. The looks I get sometimes makes me feel that I am doing something wrong.

I try not to take mine shopping...
They are boys aged 3 and 2.
If we go to a supermarket one is sitting in the trolley the other standing in it. They pretend its a pirate ship at the moment and I have them on 'lookout' for easily spottable goods.
In a smaller supermarket like Lidl I let them walk but get them to help me find things, so they think its them doing the shopping and don't get bored.
If we go to the market they have to ask the stall holders for the goods, choose the sausages, hand over the money etc. Or its tantrum time.
Takes a lot longer to do it this way but its much less stress!
But moochy shopping, clothes, shoes, xmas shopping etc I just don't take them with me. They hate it, they get bored and thats when they misbehave.
A 17 month old isn't really going to 'get' that he has to walk by your side. he sees you having the fun of picking the things up and he just wants to do the same.

Thank you. Very good ideas. I think I shall use them when food shopping. I suppose I was expecting too much out of my boy. I have had some people telling me he should not be doing it and be able to walk with me that I thought... Anyway. Thanks for the advice both of you.

Ha!!! A 17 month old walking and behaving nicely in a huge shop FULL of brightly coloured packages all at toddler height?_? No way Jose.. I have 2, one 3, one 1, and they all run around teh shop. So if they dont go in the trolley they like to help me pick stuff (usually 17 bags of flour and suchlike). Bring treats or small things they can eat to distract him, or direct his energy into 'helping' or just leave him at home with daddy while you shop?? For tantrums, i just walked away a few meters and left DS1 to get on with it. He only did it when he was utterly bored and tired. I make a rule of NEVER clothes shopping with them, only emergency grocery shopping.

dd was always in her buggy in shops at this age...generally with a snack...far far too much hassle otherwise!

and as for supermarkets...well we rarely go as we get our groceries delivered but if we did go she'd go in the trolley. And still would now tbh (at 2.5)

Another thought - will he sleep in the buggy? ds always used to drop off easily especially if it was near nap time. I'd pooter around for a bit settling him then when he was well and truly crashed out nip into the supermarket and do a shop. Lately I have to use more direct bribery - he's 4 usually involves sitting in trolley seat with a toy I magically produce out of my handbag (one of his I mean, not a new one! sheesh, bankrupt in no time at all otherwise!) or a magazine if he has one. My phone also has space on it for little movies so dh has put a couple of cartoons on it. For emergencies he can sit in the trolley and watch an episode of Charlie and Lola while I leg it around the shop.

Oh don't worry about other people. My friend with one perfect dd aged just 3 thinks my boys are unruly.

I know they are perfectly normal.

I do things like walking up the bread aisle and saying 'now can anyone see any bread' they are soooo excited when they 'find' the thing we are looking for! Then at the checkout they hand the things to me out of the trolley.
I think it helps them build their confidence to help you shop instead of being told to keep still/stay with mummy/stop whingeing.

I do get judgey looks from mums with teeny pfbs as I heave my child laden trolley up the aisles though... And it saves me a lot of money as there's not room for a full trolley load of shopping

Blimey I wouldn't even take my DS (18 months) out of the buggy when out shopping, except supermarket! He does not get holding hands and would be off at the first opportunity. I think you're pretty brave for attempting it.

Btw, who has told you he should be walking nicely with you by now? Have these people had toddlers of their own?!