2.4 yr old whinges from sunup to sundown & it's like japanese water torture HELP HELP HELP plleeease!

[eviz]

(whatever japanese water torture is ) Sorry, this is going to be long..

DD1 wakes us every morning with whining and floods of tears. Has breakfast with daddy & whining subsides (I stay in bed BF DD2, 5months). When he comes upstairs to get ready she follows him around clinging to his legs, whinging and literally clamouring for his attention (not interested in me). Any little thing sets her off into yet more sobbing.

It's particularly bad on the one day a week she comes home from nursery. Tonight she cried and screamed from the moment she got through the door. Would not be distracted/jollied/fed. The slightest thing prompts a massive overreaction (I asked if she'd let me share the toast daddy had made her (she'd refused it) and she hit my hand away, screamed noooo and burst into the most heartfelt sobs I'd ever heard.

I try and do all the involving DD1 with DD2, try for quality time with DD1 etc. but she continues to be miserable and teary for most of the day (particularly awful when tired)

I shamefully admit that I am starting to resent her for it because poor DD2 never gets a look in (very smiley, placid and content baby). It really upsets me when DD1's screaming scares DD2 so much she bursts into tears, I feel it's so unfair she just gets sidelined!

The way I handle it when I'm on my own is generally to ignore then try distraction after a short time. Frequently this doesn't work though and it makes the situation escalate - and then I don't know what to do.

Any suggestions at all.. please..?

What is she like at nursery?

It is very hard having 2 with a small age gap.I have a 2 yr one and my second has sn.I can truly say the first 6 months or so were hellish.

It sounds like she is maybe
1)Quite tired(On nursery days)
2)Its the sib rivalry thing.

I found that I spent a lot of time bf whilst reading books to ds.
Cbeebies was good (NOT IDEAL BUT NECCESSARY FOR SANITY)
Having toys in a bag upstairs for if I was REALLY knackered and dd was bf,crayons,paper,toy cars etc etc.
Getting out to park etc even on rainy days,a walk,even if just to local shops
On weekends,leaving dd with dp and spending a few hours just with me and ds
If all else failed I would dunk him in the bath and let the oldest one do lots of water play which kept him amused,whist bf sat on bathroom floor,sounds mad but he loved his water play!

It WILL get better.Does she still go down for a nap?DS used to nap in my bed with dd and I....

ds2 is 3mths and it still is like walking on egg shells with dd1. Don't know what the solution is but i try to give dd lots of reassurance and try to do things pre baby, i actually feel less stressed and happy as does dd.

Oh thats sounds hard, so difficult to stay calm and cheerful, and I expect with 5 month old breast feeding you are also tired. My only qualification for advice is having a 4 year old who was 2 and a half when I had her sister, but for what its worth:

It sounds like you are dealing with a mixture of things. Firstly she is 2 and a half, I think whining comes as standard, they are not great at dealing with emotion and they are also testing what works. Not rising to it is definately the way ahead, perhaps coupled with constant reinforcement of 'I am not going to listen until you find your normal voice' and of course distraction. It does get better as they get older.

Secondly she sounds like some of it might be tiredness, especially when home from nursery, they find it all quite exhausting at that age. Also is she under the weather? my DD1 suffered from chronic ear ache at that age and it did nothing for her personality, often it rumbled on for a while before she told us her ear was hurting.

Is she sleeping OK at night? Can you work some 'dowm time' into the day, may not be popular advice but DD1 has 30 to 45 minutes flopped on sofa with a dvd after lunch after preschool and before we do something in the afternoon. I sit with her , DD2 pootles around us, its nice quiet time.

Finally, new baby syndrome, it is really hard for them going from one to two and no matter how much you try she will get less attention that she used to and it takes time to adjust (and for her sister to become a playmate rather than a rival). Can you set up a routine so she knows when she will get her time with you or her dad, at 2.5 expectations being met helps lots. HOw is her language, the old sticker chart thing might work? Pick on a few things, eg getting dressed without a fuss and sticker chart the hell out it. Sometimes they go through phases of being hard work and I tend to have a horrible week or so and then remmeber the sticker chart thing and dig it out and it does work well, it gives you a focus for praise.

It will get better! It is also really hard work and you have my sympathy,good luck.

Thanks for all your advice

millimat she is fine at nursery.

bigboy 'eggshells' - exactly the word which sprang to my mind this evening.

She doesn't appear resentful of DD2. Luckily DD2 is v. laid back and appears to be thriving on minimal attention.

I'm starting to wonder whether she actually might be getting too much attention from us?

Also could be because there are other changes - cot to bed (for 5 wks, then back to cot, now back to bed, but in a new room); a half-hearted attempt at potty training (4 days not leaving the house last week - nearly drove me insane) plus she had D&V bug last week, so arguably could still be recovering.

Just feel like I'm constantly making excuses for her.

I'm good at staying calm, collected & enforced cheeriness is my speciality. But by the end of the day I'm fcked.

Lunchtime nap is also totally hit and miss now she's in a big girl bed. Unfortunately I don't have half an hour to cuddle her to sleep (as i think they do at nursery).

Does this make me a bad parent?

Eviz it sounds like your DD1 is going through a similar phase to mine.

Like you, I've got a 5mth, BF DD2 and my DD1 is just 2yrs. Suddenly it's wild fits of screaming, sobbing almost despair at times. We don't do nursery and for me it's 24/7

No advice - just wanted to say I'm in a similar position and am taking the calm, collected route like you....and am also F*cked!!

I do Cbeebies and then occasionally buy the magazine so we can talk about it. I've bought some CDs that we can sing and dance to and they've been a bit of a hit! My DD2 is a very needy baby and demands loads of my time - so now I find myself standing up like a teacher, reading books, dancing and singing in a bid to entertain the both of them...I look like a loon but it seems to be working

I'd try not to worry about the potty training schedule, especially if she's been under the weather. She'll get there in the end!

Good luck - I'm sure it's to do with them being so close in age & the old sibling rivally thing. Well, that's what I'm telling myself!!