1.5 year old hitting other children - help!

[LuLuBai]

Over the last few weeks my DD (19 mo) has become increasingly difficult around other children. It usually starts with a dispute over a toy (so far not good on sharing). She hits hard, always aiming for the head. Every time it happens I quickly take her away look her in the eyes and tell her very sternly she mustn't hit other children because it hurts them. Then after a pause I find something new for her to do, some distance away from the other child and let her start playing again.

What I'm doing doesn't seem to be working and I am wondering what else I can do. Today I took her out of playgroup early after the 3rd 'offence' and I will keep removing her from situations altogether if she continues, but I do think she needs to spend time around her peer group too. What else can I do? Any ideas?

have you tried spending time with her and other children showing her how to play and act.

sometimes we are quick to deal with the behaviour but not good at modelling appropriate skills prior to the behaviour.

although time intensive, maybe you need to glue yourself to her and talk her through every action for a while.

children sometimes find it hard to understand other kid's behaviours and need it constantly explained.

Thanks nightshade - I did wonder if I needed to spend a bit more time actually playing with her at playgroups. I'll try it and see how it works.

it takes a littel while for them to get the message and I think its a very common phase (DS certianly went trhoguh something simiarl though his was biting).

Key to stopping DS was taking away what he wanted and giving to other child and saying very firmly "you don;t get toys by hitting/biting/screaming etc) and removing him as well. Frankly he didn;t much care about the hurting others at that stage I don;t think 18 month olds have much empathy!

I did take a month or so of very persistant interferance and I had to watch him like a hawk with other children.

Thanks Kewcumber. I'm finding playgroups quite an ordeal at the moment. It's been going on for a couple of weeks and I actually dread taking her to some of them. Particularly as she has a black eye at the moment. She actually only tripped over a rug but it makes her look like a right little bruiser!

Yesterday I actually found myself wishing that a bigger kid would hit her back so that she would understand what it felt like.

I found 18 - 24 months very tough for this kind of thing but I do think you need to persevere. You need to sit quite close to her and intervene when you can see her getting frustrated "I think you're getting a bit cross now shall we play with something else until that little girl has finished with that"... kind of thing.

DS did this for at least a couple of months and gradually improved over time.

Sympathies, it is tough but is worth persevering.

Thank you!

Think I will skip this afternoon's playgroup (she's better company and more reasonable earlier on in the day anyway) and go to a lovely local one tomorrow with lots of sympathetic mothers and childminders.

It is normal to behave like that at that age. She will get hit / bitten soon enough too.

You are doing everything right.
It might not be too early to introduce the idea of saying sorry - not that it'll stop her doing it yet.

DS's special trick was to scream in the face of the "offending" child at the top of his lungs (man, you had to hear it to understand how embarassing it was!) then if that didn't work to lunge for the nearest bare flesh and bite

yes good idea to stick to morning ones when they're less tired. Also I found mothers of more than one much more understanding.

Can I just say that I have seen Kew in action when her ds bit - she handled it brilliantly and very calmly.

Children just do go through these stages. With the biting thing, yes, it's important to be really clear with the child and say "no". However, I think it's also just as important for the other parents to see that you are doing something about it.

Kew was fantastic about apologising to me (even though she really didn't need to!).

Just be vigilant.

is your DD still traumatised littlefish? thankfully DS is a joy now and plays very nicely (on the whole!)

You've just made me chuckle Kewcumber. DD has a fair old pair of lungs on her too.

Thanks ohIdo. I have tried to work on saying 'sorry' and even tried to persuade her to kiss the injured child better but often she just clobbers them again . Her vocab isn't great yet (hasn't mastered other niceties like 'please' yet either).

Ah well, each day is a new one and eventually she should become civilised [hopeful emoticon].

No please Kew. You are amongst friends here .

I thought you handled the whole thing brilliantly - which is what I was trying to say. I hope I haven't embarressed (sp) you.

Dd is as gorgeous as ever and not traumatised! We were so sorry not to manage to meet up with you at JackieNo's.

hmmmm - want to tske DD on loan for a couple of weeks Kewcumber and see if you can work the same magic on her?

was actually at you being comlimetary about my very average parenting skills!

LuluBai - I htink you are lcoal to me... maybe DS can be a good inlfuence on DD , we're going to new playgroup in Chiswick on Friday morning....

Yes, same sort of area I think.

I have a lovely playgroup in Ham on Fridays but they are starting to restrict numbers so if I can't get in, or DD gets booted out for scrapping I could make it over to Chiswick.

Today I think I might take her to the Lollipop for a bounce around instead of the late afternoon playgroup I normally go to in St Margarets. Have to do chores in Richmond anyway.

me and another MN'er often do Lollipop on a friday but our CM has just set up a new group near Chiswick bridge so we're going to give that a try on Friday - its at Chsiwick tennis club weds - Fri 10-2 I think.

Brilliant. Well if I don't get into my local one this Friday (everybody is racing each other to get in at the mo and the queues outside are forming earlier and earlier!) I'll head over there.

Had a better time at the Lollipop today. The children were on average quite a bit older and DD bundled around with them on the bouncy castle (which obviously you can't fight over). She did hit one smaller child but then after a ticking off she repented and cuddled her and smothered her in kisses.