Any suggestions on how to help four-year-old DS who hates drawing/writing?

[BFQi]

Have been to the doctor today for a routine check-up with my DS who's almost four, and she confirmed what I already knew - that his drawing/writing skills are very poor for his age.

He has never shown any enthusiasm for drawing or writing. He scribbles for short amounts of time but shows no inclination to want to draw objects or letters/numbers, and I have always tried not to put pressure on him to do so.

He is bright and focused and his fine motor skills are good in lots of other ways. It seems to be more of a psychological block that he has about "not being able to do it". What he produces doesn't please him, and rather than stick at it, he feels frustrated/humiliated and gives up.

Up until now I've been trying to take the attitude that it will sort itself out in due course, and that trying to "help" is likely to compound the problem. Does anyone have any suggestions to share? (Confidence is a bit knocked and would be happy to hear other people's experiences )

I have no concerns about his development otherwise, and the school system where we live means that he won't be starting school for at least another two years. Oh, and he is left-handed if that is in any way relevant.

Thanks very much in advance.

You DS is still really young to be worrying about writing. He isn't even four and lots of boys do not have pen control until nearer six. He will not be starting school for two years and if he has good fine motor skills then I am sure he will be able to control a pencil by school age.

Seriously my son did not get refered to an occupational theraphist until he had completed reception at the age of five years and seven months. We used "Write from the start" to improve his fine motor control. However I think your son is way to young for such intensive tactics.

We were recommended games like getting my son to pick up ping pong balls with salad servers. Or getting him to do painting while standing at an easel or playing Operation or Kerplunk.

Hmmm, that's very odd. DS1 never drew ANYTHING before he started school, I'm not kidding, not an orange, not a flower, nothing. He sometimes scribbled a little when under pressure when his preschool was making Mother's Day cards or similar, that was about all.

He was equally uninterested in learning to write before school.

Anyway, we never did anything to push him, fast forward to Yr3 and he's the only boy good enough (at writing) to sit with the top girls in literacy in his class. His drawings are amazingly detailed.

I know this tale is only anecdotal, but I'm surprised that not-yet-4yos are supposed to have writing or drawing skills. Somehow DS1 got away without them fine.

Oh, and I would second the suggestion to focus on fine motor skills. DS2 (4yo) loves Hama beads, for instance, you can get loads of boy patterns for them.

My ds1 is a similar age and similarly uninterested in drawing and writing. His little brother only 20 mths will sit and scribble for a lot longer than ds1.
The only writing I can get him to do is to trace over his name once I've written it in pencil on birthday cards, and even that takes a bit of persuasion. Can sometimes get him to do some drawing by eg drawing a race track on a big piece of paper that we then drive cars around. I also don't think his general fine motor skills are too bad.

I was hoping that this was normal in boys his age and will be interested to read the thread. lljkk has already cheered me up enormously.

I agree - almost four is not really old enough to be drawing/writing. Obviously some children do show an interest at this age but if not then that's absolutely fine IMO. I think you are so right not to put pressure on him. Scribbling is fine at this age - he most likely won't have the fine motor skills or the inclination to start doing meaninngful drawings yet and letters and writing letters and numbers shouldn't feature at all for a while. Boys do sometimes enjoy painting/drawing more if it's not done sitting down at a desk, at my preschool we take paper outside and fasten it up on the fence, they can get nice and messy and they usually enjoy it. Sometimes we have even had them drawing whilst sitting on their trikes instead of a chair. Or maybe finger painting, or using your fingers to "draw" in sand or shaving foam. I think your GP's ideas of what is appropriate at this age are a bit off the mark, to be honest. Does he go to nursery or playgroup at all, by the way? Not that he necessarily should, but if he did the staff there might have some other ideas for how to engage his interest. But in all honesty I think the more he is pushed to do it the less he will want to. When he's ready, he will.

He is too young if he isn't interested. He will do it when he is ready.

4 is very early to have"writing skills". Some children of course do, but I don't htink it's the majority of children.
How about encouraging him with some colouring in? It helps with fine motor skills (holding the crayon/pencil etc). Or just let him mess around with paint, finger painting etc.

Where are you? Are you anywhere in Europe with free nursery schools for under 6?

Def don't push it if not interested yet, but could try markmaking in foam/sand or maybe bath crayons?

(hang on, what mrsmalumbas said!)

Does he see you write/draw things? (just an idea )

Thanks a lot, all of you. Am much reassured and grateful for all the ideas.

Had also come to the conclusion while putting him to bed just now that it's best to leave him to get on with it at his own pace. Now I just have get over the heart-breaking sight of him (PBF, in case that's not obvious) sitting there in the surgery all weepy and defeated, trying to produce a person, house, flower and tree

mrsmalumbas, he's been at nursery five mornings a week for almost a year now, and loves it. I was thinking of speaking to the staff about this after the check-up. I'm interested in their take on it, and can't help wondering at the same time whether they've been unintentionally pressuring him about it in some way.

Blimey, I'd complain I really would. That's horrendous to expect him to do that. What on earth are they thinking?!

Our daughter would not draw a thing for a long while after she came home with us (she was adopted) and i had moments of despair while reading about how children love to express themselves through drawing and scribbling (I myself am an art school graduate). What i started to do was printing children's drawings from the net then place a tracing paper on top of them so she could just follow the lines. She started to get confident. Then i would draw flowers and butterflies and ask her just to fill in the spaces with many colors (not coloring papaers printed from the net, but my own drawings which she coud see me working on in front of her, so she would feel involved in the process from the very beginning). I would split a flower petal into ten spaces and ask her to put different colors in each. The flower ended up like a small wander with a million colors and she was really impressed of what she could do! ... but then, i was sitting next to her every minute. as soon as i would leave, she would stop doing anything. and now, after months she is finally drawing by herself! we also ask for presents from her, on special occasions, and those are of course, drawings, then we praise her for whatever she is doing and that gives her confidence. she feels like she can make us happy with her own work! it makes a whole world difference to her.

my ds hates doing any sort of drawing.....apart from spider web (round and round scribble) and flower (straight line round scribble at the top)

it is outrageous to force or push a child into doing this...they will become really upset and next time it will be even harder to persuade him to try

what about doing some stencils, get him used to holding a pencil?

don't compare him to other children though...some of my sons friends can produce beautifully detailed drawings covering both sides of a piece of A4 paper, butterflies, hearts, castles, dragons, trains, princesses, their family...it will come i'm sure (dh is an architect so there has to be some artistic ability in there somewhere!)

i mean its outrageous of your dr to get your child to draw, not any judgement of others parenting

my son didn't like drawing until i gave him chalk crayons and let him draw on the terrace outside the house. After that it progressed to him telling me what to draw for him and we coloured it in together...he now likes drawing cars and loves colouring in. although his drawing is still not great. If he draws people at school i have noticed they always have poos coming out of their bottoms !

My ds wouldn't even scribble for a long time. He is one of those people who won't try something if he thinks he will be no good at it. I got him an usbourne how to draw book here and left him to it. He loves drawing now.

Like hoarsewhisperer really,but with a big paintbrush, a pot of water and the flags outside.

Works better on a dryish day admittedly,but if he takes the brush along the path ,he can do a moving story which can take in the widest of areas("i went for a walk,to a house,saw a rabit in a areoplane and we had a picnic....)maybe hes more kinetic in his expression at the moment.

you can get him to write his name everywhere in any different style.
The first word dds learnt was their name ,then "love" so they could sign cards.

Ds2 is 5.5 - an August birthday. His reception teacher complained that he never chose to do art or drawing, only construction games/building things when he was 4/ He's a happy little soul and bright in other ways, so I decided not to panic.

Sure enough this year he's started drawing - we have chalks around, then he's progressed onto wax crayons too. And last week at 5.5 he started showing an interest in writing too.

It will happen in its own time. It is why the Germans don't expect any children to go to school before 6. As long as he is happy and busy, don't panic.

PS he not only didn't draw, but he really hated it too, right up until his year 1 teacher got him doing more interesting things.

DS turned 4 in August and so started school in September.
He had absolutely no interest in drawing or writing. He couldn't work out how to hold a pencil and the couple of occasions I tried to show him led to sulks, so I didn't push it. He is also left-handed which made it harder as I'm not. Whenever he did draw it would only be a person, never an object and I was a bit concerned.
BUT since starting school he has been taught how to hold a pencil (he repeated to me something like "between your thumb and your froggy fingers" and slid the other 2 fingers up and down the pencil!), he's learning his letters and LOVES writing them, and his drawing has come on leaps and bounds.
The last week or so he likes to be shown 'how' to draw something, eg a spider or a crab, and then he'll practise it.
It's happened soooo quickly, I'm really surprised.
I think school helps alot as everyone is taught together so the pressure is off the individual; knowing how to hold a pencil; and also being inspired (ds also prefers his grandad or dad showing him how to draw, rather than me. Both are fun people for him to be around.)
Also, at his nursery, girls tended to do alot more drawing and painting than boys, who preferred to play with cars & trains & more physically boisterous things. Quite quite normal.

What I mean is, things change around very very quickly, which is why I think it's a bit mad of your doctor to suggest there's a norm for such a young age. Something will spark it, but there's ages yet for it to happen.

Has you seen the CBeebies prog Get Scribbling? Your yourmight be able to interest DS in watching this. My Ds likes to watch with a piece of paper and crayons. Sometimes he will have a go but he also likes to watch me having a go at copying what they are drawing.