Biting, nipping, slapping - how to be loving but firm?!

[mavornia]

ds is 20 months and the most adorable, feisty, funny little rascal

but for the past few months he has been nipping, biting and slapping - he's a big boy and he does this with some force and it's a habit i want to break (he hasn't done it on other children so far but it does worry me)

when he gets frustrated over something he will often run over and sink his teeth into my knee. the other main time it happens is when i am holding him in my arms before he drifts off to sleep (he just will not go down on his own). he reaches over to pinch my arm (to the point that he has drawn blood) and gives me mighty slaps on the face

so far I've tried looking him in the eye and saying "no" very firmly and I've tried looking the other way and completely ignoring it. have also put him in his cot and left the room so he knows if he does it I will withdraw my attention

sigh - nothing has worked

i am finding it hard to put up with - especially as he is getting bigger. And there is a really childish part of me that feels like giving him a nip back (don't believe in hitting and wouldn't do this but there are times when i'm so frustrated from a stinging cheek that i'm tempted to slap his hand)

any ideas?

WOuld you like to put him in a room with my son? We can lock them in too bite each other until they learn while we sit and have a cup of tea? Or maybe something stronger??

Seriously, it drives me crazy too. My son is now 2 1/2 and has just about stopped. Like everything else its a phase. I used to pretend to burst into tears as my son hates seeing me upset. I would tell him that I am crying because he hurt me. Whether it worked or whether he grows out of it by himself I dont know.

But you are not alone.

ah, thank jayne - let's go and lie down in a cool, darkened room with a damp cloth to our heads and a gin in our hands

Can I come too? DS is nearly 2 now and I get regular reports home from his nursery that he has been biting. Its all whispered so that no other mums can overhear which makes it seem all sinister, though I know its just so that no one takes 'revenge' on me if its their child he's bitten.

Its all very difficult and a bit , though I do keep reciting "its just a phase" ad infinitum. I certainly didn't teach him to do it, so I guess it must be a very natural phase at that?

By way of dealing with it, I keep consistently telling him no, Mummy does not like it (in a suitably stern voice) and he gets picked up and removed from wherever we are for a bit of 'time out'.

I have quite a bad habit of plonking him in his cot at the moment for 'time out' which I'm worried might bring about a bad association, but so far no problems.

I'd say he's not a prolific biter, but I wish he didn't do it at all.

And I absolutely refuse to bite him to 'show' him what its like, and wish people would stop telling me this 'cured' their child. I dread to think what it was replaced with - fear? Understanding that I'm bigger and stronger (at the moment ) therefore I can treat him like that?

So for now, its just nice to know I'm not the only mum with a DS of this age, doing this, and feeling this way about it. Thanks guys

Now, where's that gin?

It's a normal stage and you are dealing it with it well, imo. Saying a firm 'No hitting/smacking/biting etc' - and removing him from any situation where he hits another child if (when? ) it gets to that stage - is the best way forward.

Honestly, it is so normal for them to lash out at this age. You are not alone!

Mavornia - re the hitting, DS used to do this to me and I raised it with one of my HV team. I've got one in my team who's actually quite good with behaviour...

p.s. I remember the whispered '...he has bitten another child, today...' stage all too well @LaTourEiffel.
DS was a terrible biter and pusher. It went on until he was 3 yrs old (sorry - brutal truth!), but stopped almost overnight. It was such a fraught stage. I was permanently embarrassed and anxious about it, and blamed myself...but looking back, it was a completely normal developmental phase (easy to say that from the other side!). Hang on in there.

O, everyone has been telling me to bite mine back too, LaTourEiffel - couldn't do it and wouldn't want too (though when I'm sporting black and blue arms I'm tempted to have a nibble! i have diabtes and my bruises seem to take forever to heal - it looks disgusting)

chuckling away at "prolific biter"

ah well, at least we're not alone

Oh I'm so pleased to find this thread. DD is almost 20 months. She is BF and at night when she is supposed to be settling down she'll reach up for my chin and pinch really hard, or slap my face, or rake her nails through my cheek. Or she'll come bouncing over and bite my stomach.

I've tried elaborate pantomime showing her what her teeth have done to my hand. I've tried turning my back on her (she hates that). I usually dump her in her cot and let her scream until she's ready to snuggle in.

It's so wearing

She also bites at nursery, and hardly a day goes by without I'm being told she's bitten again..

I have a big strong DS who's 2 and I've been pinched quite regularly for a while. I used to get REALLY angry about it as it makes me see red in seconds (I'm very ashamed to say I have shouted and slapped his hand after particularly hard pinches to my face and eyes...I hate myself) I was convinced when pregnant that I would NEVER hit my child I have been trying of late to control my anger and to leave him in his cot for a few minutes for us both to calm down. I have also started to say 'That hurts' as calmly as I can muster. The latest development has been throwing toys at my head so....deep sigh...I am doing the same. He does show remorse and knows he's hurt me, I get lovely hugs and kisses afterwards but it's hard to enjoy them when your face is stinging! I think the techniques are working and as he's still not talking I think half the problem is his frustration. Just wanted to say keep going with the ignoring, its been the most effective thing so far and at least it's winter and we can wear big jumpers!

o i know how you feel, tyniclogs - i've shouted and been this close to slapping him back and that's not how i envisaged myself parenting either - it's just so frustrating, especially when you have a little bruiser who really hurt