Six-year-old terrified by children's films that her friends watch happily...what should I do?

[shrinkingassets]

My dd (6.6) is really scared by many of the films that her friends of the same age watch without any problem at all. This weekend it was Matilda, which she watched at a birthday sleepover. She was terrified by the headmistress character and ended up sobbing at 4am during the sleepover. She had to be taken into her friend's mum's bed for the rest of the night! (The mum is also a good friend of mine). Last night we had more tears at bedtime because she couldn't stop thinking about the scary woman in the film. In the last year I've been called to collect her half way through friends' birthday trips to Ratatouille and The Wind in the Willows (at the theatre) because she was so scared and crying. She had nightmares for days after watching Nanny MacPhee at school (I could start a whole new thread on that!) and was very frightened by the film of James and the Giant Peach (although she loved the audio tape, which we had from the library). Any character who is even vaguely threatening seems to leave her traumatised. I should stress we're talking about films with a U certificate - I wouldn't dream of letting her watch anything else, for obvious reasons! So...does anyone have any advice/experience of this? I assume she'll grow out of it at some point but in the meantime do I keep her away from situations in which she's likely to see a film that will scare her? And what's the best way to reassure her when she's been scared by something? I usually try telling her over and over again that it's 'just pretend' but it doesn't seem to work that well. By the way she's generally a very sunny, sociable, bright little girl.

I really sympathise, my ds (6.3) caught a little bit of the Sarah Jane Adventures and had a nightmare about alien puppets abducting his little sister, and was too scared to make a guy at school. I don't have exactly the same problem as you, but we avoid violent cartoons such as Ben 10 (he takes things literally and I'm fearful that he imitates the behaviour) and stick to wildlife, dinosaur,funny programmes and films. Because your dd is bright and sensitive, she is likely to be stimulated and thoughtful about all the issues and characters in the films. Would it help to find out about the films beforehand and discuss the issues to prepare her emotionally? Also, I heard Tanya Byron say once that children do not separate fantasy from reality until age 7, so maybe she will learn to cope a little better with scary things later on, I certainly hope my ds will!

I would just keep her away from anything remotely scary. My ds is like this - he's nearly 8 now, but still very easily scared. (only by films and television programmes and other performances - he's a terrifying daredevil on a bike!)I just assume he'll grow out of it, and secretly quite like that he's got this gentle sensitive side.

Dd was terrified of Matilda too, by the way!

Thanks. Dingbatgirl - that's really interesting about the age at which children separate fantasy from reality. My dd is relatively young for her school year and her two or three closest friends are all seven or very nearly seven so maybe even that six-month difference is significant. Also I think it's a great idea to discuss the issues beforehand - the problem is that occasionally (as with Nanny MacPhee at school and Matilda at her friend's birthday).
I had no idea she was going to be watching them. I do try to let most of her friends' parents know that she is easily scared but I certainly don't want to stop her from going to friends' houses on the offchance that she may see something that frightens her. (Obviously it would be different if they were allowing her to watch horror movies but as I said these are U-certificate films that most children seem to find entertaining and enjoyable). Seeker - like your ds my dd is also physically bold (when riding her bike etc) so it's not as if she's a generally timid child.

sorry there was a rogue full stop in there - should have read 'the problem is that occasionally (as with Nanny MacPhee at school and Matilda at her friend's birthday) I had no idea she was going to be watching them. You probably got the gist anyway!

I can see this is really difficult, as you don't want her to be excluded. I suppose the only thing you can do is prepare as much as possible. Maybe she could take a DVD to a friend's house that she's happy with, and they could discuss what to watch a bit more beforehand. Good luck.

Ah, she sounds normal, just a bit more sensitive than some. Just do NOT take her to see Igor - even I found that a bit scary!

We had to leave the cinema during Space Chimps as my dd was under the seat, terrified by the aliens

I was secretly relieved though

same problem here - ds is only five but he was howling at Wall E. And I haven't even tried him on Disney films since dh made the mistake of putting on the Lion King when he was four.

I'm just sticking with avoiding anything with emotional depth (it was the friends being parted in Wall E that got him) but that's obviously much harder with a nearly-7 yo girl.

On the 'it's only pretend' side of things, watching the 'how we made Dr Who' programmes on BBC 3 really helped. (Dh and I love Dr Who so hard for ds to avoid it completely although we do vet episodes). It's one thing saying 'it's only pretend' but seeing the actors being real people speaking in their own voices, and all the crew standing around with cameras and stuff, people discussing the script, really reinforced it.

Can you take her to the National Media Museum in Bradford, or the NFT in London, or on a tour of the BBC (they do them in Broadcasting House), or find a book about how they make TV/films? Might help her understand that this is just grown-ups playing 'let's pretend' only a bit more elaborately than she and her friends do. Or just look through your DVDs and find a suitable one that has 'extras'.

I remember having a Blue Peter annual that went into great depth about how they made TV - was fascinating. Try ebay (although it will be VERY out of date by now, of course).

Thanks so much - great idea about showing her how films/TV progs are made. Edam - my dd also finds sad/emotional stuff really distressing. In Ratatouille it was the bit where he loses his dad that really scared and upset her. Oh well, at least we're safe with High School Musical...

This sounds very much like my dd who is now 8.

She has always hated any books/films with even mild threat or naughtiness (she didn't even like things like Angelina Ballerina and Rosie and Jim because they were quite mischievous).

It's only recently that she has started to watch films like Matilda and Nanny McPhee, and still asks that I watch them with her for the first few times.
We don't have television so she only gets to watch videos or dvds and she always fast forwards through any bits she doesn't like.

It was quite a shock when she watched a film on television for the first time at my parents one Christmas and realised with horror that she couldn't fast forward but had to watch it all .

snap oggsfrog. Sounds very much like DD1 who is now 8. She is also the youngest in the school year and very physically brave and bold. She is just moving on from disney princesses to watch the next stage of movie that her peers seem to have been watching for years. Recently watched goodnight Mr Tom though and that really disturbed her but she couldn't help herself to keep watching. But DD2 (3.6), who is not so physical has been watching all these 'new movies' with DD1 and completley undisturbed. She seems to see a difference between fact and fiction that dd1 only just mastered.
Think is age and character thing. It will pass. In the meantime all the parents of DD1 know she is a big softie and always check a movie with me, or play an old favourite instead.