27mth old dd started hitting again, snatching & generally being horrible to play with. Please help.... (long, sorry)

[caspercat]

I know they all go through this phase, and i thought she already had, but recently got quite bad again. She is generally (though always headstrong), well behaved, has the odd tantrum & usual 2 yr old things, but i had a terrible afternoon with her today .
We were at her friends house (little boy, a few months older than her) - they go to nursery together, his mum & i are friends and often spend time at the w/ends together. DD had a good lunchtime sleep, so i know she wasn't tired. We were doing facepainting, play-doh, jigsaws, all going v well. But we were going to make finger puppets, and dd point blank refused to share, started snatching & screaming "MINE', so i took them away. Played nicely with jigsaws again for a bit, then friend got her ds' shopping till & plastic food thingy out, we were going to do 'shopping', but dd snatched something out of boys' hand. When i told her she must share & give it back, she threw it at him, shouted 'NAUGHTY' and hit him! I put her in time out, explained you mustn't hit, she said sorry. I didn't want to leave on an unhappy note, so we gave it another 5 mins. But then dd threw a toy at my friend when she tried to play with her again. So i took her home .
I was so angry, never been that angry with her before. She sobbed in the car all the way home, asking for 'cuggle'. I had to leave her with Dh, he calmed her down before she came to say sorry. The rest of the evening wasn't much better, she ended up going to bed early.
Also, this week, she has hit 2 other toddlers, randomly, in a shop, while i was paying for stuff.
She has good speech, so i don't think it's got much to do with that (tho obv could be wrong)
Am super worried as expecting no2 in Feb, and can't help thinking she's going to be a spiteful nightmare who can't learn to share anything. But also worried for her, she was so unhappy today - what happened to my funny, happy little girl??
Is there anything i could've done differently, anyone gone thru this & can look back & laugh now??
Sorry for mega long rant, just beside myself at the mo....

bump for day folk

could be diet related,remove all sugar additives, could be unhappy about something sit down at her level and ask her how she is feeling? might have been tired? we all have off days but slepp and diet affect these things most...

She's only two.

IMO there are no "reasons".

Remember your teenage years? Raging fury one moment; stormimg tears the next? Then happy as anything.

That is what she is dealing with. These issues don't go away as she grows - they just change.

2 year olds tantrum, scream and shove.

3 year olds shout at you, scream and snatch.

4 year olds argue, whine and take things away from other dcs while you are not looking

5 year olds fib and manipulate and blame everyone else.

It just goes on.

So don't ask her "why?" - she doesn't know! She sounds as though she was in a really bad mood all day - which is allowed isn't it? Even though it upset you?

Perhaps the playdate was as much for you as for her and it was her way of saying "come on, let's go home, I've had it with this lot".

ps and despite that list of difficult things about eveyr age each stage also has it's pleasures - so hang on in there.

pps and were you chatting to your friend about the new baby? It is possible your dd was listening and was feeling rather wobbly without understanding why? So lashed out?

I read on here something that is very true. We all have bad days, even our kids.
She's at the age now where they don't do sharing, well ds didn't. He's much better now he's 3, but still has off days.
about that age we gave ds some fish oil, another mumsnetter suggested eskimo kids. His behaviour\listening improved dramatically.
Hth

Thanks for your replies, sorry not got back till now. Yesterday i was a bit more philosophical about it all, put it down to a bad mood, as has been said. Picked her up from nursery, when i got there she was playing beautifully with said friend again. Once we got to the car park, within 2 minutes she had hit him again! The not sharing i was prepared for, but why does she feel the need to hit & say 'naughty'?? We don't hit. Her friend is obv not perfect either, but he's never hit her? I just have visions of her being a horrible bully; am scared she's going to be hitting her baby brother.
i ignored her all the way home & put her in time out as soon as we got back. Told her hitting is horrible, that it upsets mummy & friend won't want to play with her if she continues. She said sorry & we got on with our evening. Is she too young to understand anything i've said to her??
Sorry for long post again, just this is really getting me down. she's such a well mannered, funny little thing generally, but i really dislike this seemingly spiteful side of her

she is probably jealous of the new baby. i noticed my baby picks up on the mood of the house too. maybe she is not getting something she needs at the moment, you might be tired from pregnancy and all. just an idea.

tHE THING IS, AT 27 MONTHS (sorry) they don't have much in the way of impulse control. So although I'm sure she understands you when you tell her not to hit, that doesn't mean she can actually control the impulse when upset.

Anyway, I think you are doing fine - continue with the disapproval/time out (or whatever) but don't pay too much attention. She isn't giving you an insight to her moral character, really she isn't.

Mine is younger, 22 months, but I find if one thing kicks off properly, thats it, we are in a spiral of tantrum after tantrum after tantrum. And I try very hard to only say no to really important things, and to distract, and to put on my Mary Poppins demeanour, but sometimes it takes daddy to come home, or a totally different environment to break out of the behaviour and tantrum. So deep breath, keep on reminding yourself that she is still a baby herself, which is difficult when you will have a proper baby to deal with, (I have a 12 week old as well) and try very hard to treat each incident as isolated. If you keep a mental tally of "naughty behaviour" you will convince yourself that she is awful. When actually most of the time she is OK, with the odd moment of totally developmentally normal selfishness or attention seeking.