DD (9) walked in on us engaged in noisy enthusiastic duvet-free sex last night

[OrmIrian]

Walked in, turned on her heel and walked out. We lay like statues, totally mortified. DH said I should go and speak to her. I did, cringing like mad. DD was clearly embarrassed but OK. DH went downstairs to make some tea. DD called out to me that she felt ill - I went to see her, tucked her in, stroked her forehead, said goodnight, went back to bed.

She seemed find next day but studiously avoided the subject - she even explained why she got up (to find the kitten apparently) and talked about when she felt ill. But not the 'elephant in the room' so to speak.

Either she is remarkably cool (I'd have died at her age!) or she's pretending. How can I tell is she's OK?

It was bloosy 11.30 at night. We should have been safe surely.

[MaryAnnSingleton]

my tutor at college's dd had a bedroom on a kind of gallery directly above her parents bed (I know because went to lunch there once) - she was a teenager too...eek

[Anifrangapani]

We don't have a door.... dorma in a bungalow. I have lost count of the times I have opened my eyes to be staring at one of the DC... the little wretchs

[hugeheadofhair]

When I was told about the technical parts of the birds and the bees (not just "the seed fertilises the egg" but the actual how the seed got to the egg iyswim), I asked my mum: "So you have done that 4 times?" because I have 2 brothers and 1 sister.

"No", she said, "you keep doing that until you're 80 or so, because it's very nice"

In retrospect that was probably the best thing she said about the birds and the bees, because from an early age I have always known that my mum and dad were still doing it and wasn's surprised of, or found any sounds I heard as embarrassing or cringeworthy as I would have done if I hadn't had this education.

I am definitely going to tell my DSs that we are doing it still too, when educating them. Should save a whole lot of embarrassment of both sides, whatever happens.

[ilovemydogandPresidentObama]

It's such a difficult age anyway, being 9. Too old for the 'mom and dad special cuddle' talk and too mortifying to think that your parents are having sex.

Are you going to talk to her?

[HRHSaintMamazon]

well i reckon that'll put paid to your sex life for the next month or so.

So long as you weren't doing the reverse cowboy whilst Dh wore a gimp mask she'll be fine.

but i think you should give it a day or so and then, when its just you two, broach teh subject. she's at an age where the whole birds and bee's stuff will come along sooner or later anyway so you may as well broach it now.

[LeCynic]

Well on the bright side it's great that you are still having regular sex

[frogs]

You are clearly overheating your house. It's far too cold in our house atm for duvet-free sex at any time of day or night. Turn your thermostat down, save money, save the planet, and save embarrassment all round.

[twinsetandpearls]

lol at frogs turning this into a credit crunch issue

[harpsichordcarrier]

god I wouldn't worry about it. It isn't damaging and no need to make a deal of it.
of course she's Ok! why wouldn't she be?
she saw two married people in love making love.
which of us got through our childhood without witnessing a little sexual activity.
I saw two punks at it in a park c1977. the guy had an enormous Mohican. I was rivetted, but not all that scarred,tbh.

[moondog]

lol at thoguht of mohican quivering.

[mou]

Never heard 'it' called a 'mohican' before and how did you see it?

[zazen]

For the Mohawk: side on obviously!

I never saw or heard my parents hugging let alone having sex - I didn't think they did.

I think it's lovely for your DD to see that you are normal, or as normal as a Dragon can be Orm Irian, and your life is healthy!

Love your post hugeheadofhair I must remember that one.

[Ozziegirly]

When I was about 8 I came downstairs at about 11.00 to find my parents sitting nude in the living room.

It honestly just made me assume that was what parents did once I was in bed. We had a whole conversation with them nude. with no mention made of the nudity.

I am very unscarred now, mainly.

[OrmIrian]

God, she knows all about it. From mates, us, school. That isn't the point. And nudity is no big deal either - most of us walk around naked at various times.

But come on.... seeing your mum and dad actually having sex has got to be a major cringe. No?

I think she is fine though.

Dragons don't have sex zazen! They find eggs under gooseberry bushes. But when you are in human form you have to go with the flow

[Moosmummie]

How come you are all having noisy enthusiastic sex at all?! where are you getting the energy time?!

[zazen]

I thought they found the eggs in the fire? I'm not up to date with it all I'm afraid!

How was your DD this morning? Probably dying to tell her friends!!

FWIW, I have a friend who also walked in on his parents, and said it was a very important life moment for him as he understood he was just a person, and that his parents were just people.
He said it gave him 'permission' to get on with things in his life IYSWIM.

I also have a friend who's Dad walked in on him and his GF, and he said his dad looked at him differently (as an adult) afterwards.

No bad thing to have boundaries.

[OrmIrian]

zazen - I have no idea how dragons procreate!

Maybe it will be a positive thing.

I hope she won't be telling her friends

moos - I don't know TBH. It's not that regular but seems to be getting more so recently. Even got up for a 6 mile run the next morning

[Hassled]

The danger of studiously ignoring the whole episode is that she may, as a result of the silence, feel that it's something shameful and Not To Be Talked About. I would give it a day or so and then talk about it - emphasise that it's a nice, fun thing to do when you're a grown up with someone you love etc. Just acknowldge that she saw what she saw but that it's just something grown-ups do and a normal part of adult life.

[ByTheSea]

I have a DD that age. If she's fine, then she's fine. If you've already discussed a bit, and she says she's fine, just leave it open for if she ever wants to talk about it again and then drop it.

FWIW, I walked in on my dad masturbating when I was about 14. Talk about a cringe, but I don't think it permanently scarred me.

[bigTillyMint]

LOL at all the "embarassments"

My DD asked me one morning (as we all went down for breakfast), why I was making funny noises earlier. I kept a straight face and said "are you sure it was me, maybe it was the baby next door" , then I went to the loo to PMSL!

[HuwEdwards]

DD2 (5) walked in on me and DP. We were in a right old origami position but luckily duvet was over us.

DP shot up from er...down below, DD gave me a slightly quizzical look, but nonetheless, promptly got in for a cuddle.

All very surreal.

[Eniddo]

dd1 (8) walked in on us once

she said 'mummy why were you pretending to be a crab on top of daddy'

doesnt even begin to describe it

[Eniddo]

and yes it is embarrassing but as dh says it is normal and loving so it is not a big deal, I wouldnt metnion it again

[grouchyoscar]

In a 125 year old house with NO central heating so very at duvet free shenanagins

Under the duvet, lights out, roll me nighty down when you've finished love