Spitting out food. Normal developmental step or naughtiness?

[HeadFairy]

DS has developed a tendency to chew his food up and then spit big chunks out. I wondered if it's because he puts too much in his mouth and he's learning about how much he can put in there, dh says he's just being naughty and tells him off. I'm a bit worried that he'll get confused and think we're telling him off for eating. Is this sort of thing quite common?

Normal. Common. He's doing it because he can and he's experimenting - I think you're right.

Ignore both ds and dh.

From your profile it says he's 13 months old. DS did this for a while too (he's a couple of months older) but stopped of his own accord. There's no way they can be naughty at this age! I think it probably makes more of a problem out of it if it gets a reaction - we pretty much ignored it and it passed off. Now he takes dainty bites and then gives the rest to the dog

Normal, normal, normal. Your DH shouldn't bother telling him off; most children do it for quite some time and then when they finally grown out of it, they replace it with another new phase for you to 'enjoy'.

Also just a word of caution re use of the word 'naughty' - some people have a real thing about how you shouldn't use the word AT ALL around children (e.g. childcare workers, who are often taught to replace it with 'cheeky' - basically a euphemism for 'naughty', right?). IMO it's vital to NEVER tell a child they are naughty but to tell them it's the behaviour that's naughty.

I struggle to imagine what behaviour could be deemed 'naughty' at 13 mos, but perhaps you and your DH might want to spend some time (as DS gets older) working out what behaviour you'll describe as 'naughty' (e.g. turning on the cooker gas knobs), which results in a punishment (perhaps 'time out' for a couple of minutes) as opposed to 'cheeky' (e.g. banging toys loudly and annoyingly), which may result in less severe discipline.

Just a thought. But now I can feel a new thread coming on...

Enjoy being a mum!

I thought so. DH does forget that ds is so little and isn't really capable of being naughty as such. He is a cheeky (ds that is, not dh ) he gives me this coy little look and runs away from me when I'm trying to get him in the bath, but again I don't think that's deliberately naughty, that's playing. I think the spitting out food is part of experimenting with amounts of food in his mouth and chewing and so on. I usually ignore, must try and get dh to ignore it too. It's not like he's spitting it across the room, he just spits it out on to his bib.

Thanks for that MrsThierryHenry, very sound advice. I read everything I can get my hands on about child development and I think I understand more the difference between naughtiness and playing. DH seems a bit incapable of remembering how little ds is (he's nearly 14 months btw). He's very robust and strong, but he's still only a baby. He also throws his toys alot, and I've had to sit down with dh and explain this too is another developmental thing about movement and consequences.

Really interesting what you say about naughtiness and naughty behaviour. Thanks for great advice

Awwww, shucks any time. I once challenged my DH for telling off and punishing our DS at 20 mo for banging our kitchen cupboard doors loudly. He'd been having great fun making a loud noise and wasn't hurting anyone or anything. But DH gave him two warnings and then put him in the naughty seat.

I then asked him later whether he thought the behaviour really warranted punishment - DH had had a bad night's sleep and his nerves were frayed, so the banging was doing his head in. But IMO that's no reason to punish your child for having innocent fun. He (eventually and reluctantly) agreed that perhaps he'd gone too far...pity I couldn't fit DH into the naughty seat too!

That sounds familiar. Ds loves banging the kitchen doors! It is hard to think what's actually naughty behaviour and what's just normal childlike playing/exploring/investigating, you really have to separate how you feel from it ie getting annoyed with child for making a noise when you've got a headache. Especially at this age when they can't reason and don't understand if you ask them not to do something and they go ahead and do it anyway, then that's bad behaviour.

Hmmm may have to hunt down child psychology book for dh, I don't think I could persuade him to read a whole Tanya Byron book, perhaps I could do a quick powerpoint demonstration for him

PMSL at powerpoint! Could you email it to us afterwards so I can teach my DH too?!

Actually, he's got much better since my little explanation, so take heart - there is hope!

Phew! I was worrying that every tiny little behavioural quirk of ds' would have to be explained ad infinitum!

Yes, I know what you mean - I think mums generally more 'in tune' with our children's moods and needs than their dads are, so they just take a bit of time to catch up.

I realised this morning that as a result of using the two minute 'naughty chair' punishment with our DS (for playing with gas cooker knobs) he now NEVER touches them. It prob took about 2/3 months of him occasionally going for them and we'd respond instantly and very firmly. We've always let him play with the timer on the cooker, and made the boundaries very clear with regard to the knobs.

Nowadays he doesn't give the gas knobs a second glance. Such a relief that he's got the message. So even though these things take time, they do get there in the end.

They do definitely get there in the end. DS used to pull every cd out of our cd rack every day, several times a day. In the end I got fed up of putting them all away, plus it was dangerous as it was in danger of toppling as he reached for the top ones. So I started very firmly saying NO, and firmly taking his hand away. It only took a couple of days. Much better than dh shouting at him, which ds just looks uncomprehendingly at. Now though, he stands there with his hand tantalisingly close to the cds and looks over at me. He's teasing me of course which is quite cute, but I only have to say no and he takes his hand away.