Help! DD1 Hates DD2 What to do?

[kathrynharriet]

Hi any advice gratefully received, quick family tree- Mum, Dad, DS1 3y9m, DD 2y9m, DD2 14m.
DD1 seems to HATE DD2 at the mo, she was fairly indifferent when dd2 was born, tended to ignore her on the whole.Got better when she was around 6ms and a bit more fun. Dd2 has been walking for about 8 weeks and since then it has got terrible. If the baby goes anywhere within about 2ft of Dd1 she starts shouting and crying and if left to carry on will push the baby away/or over. I have tried ignoring, removing her from whatever toy etc she is trying to protect, but no use. DD1 is very over the top! We are also having probs with Dd1 not wanting to share anything at home and playgroup.She has now started to tell people that Dd2 is yuk!
Thanks for reading!

I think she's realised that the baby is a child like her and is competition.

Obviously you can't let her push the little one around but at the same time, perhaps a bit of sympathy for your eldest DD would help?
Eg When starts getting upset when your DD2 comes near, you could try the approach of empathising with her problem and finding a solution eg 'DD2 is interested in your game, but it looks to me like you feel like playing alone at the moment. How about we find a different toy for DD2 together'.

Your DD2 is probably young enough to accept whatever DD1 offers her. At this age they are interested in whatever the others have. I used to find if I selected the alternative toy it didn't work as well but if my eldest child did, the toy gained a certain status in the eyes of the youngest.

And your DD2 wants the original toy, you can try the 'let her have a little look approach' because if the older one isn't kicking up a fuss, the younger one usually discards it rapidly and then the older one can go back to the original game.

HTH

And if your DD2 wants the original toy,

Thanks a lot for your advice! OSOTC, I think sometimes we may be a little to quick to tell DD1 off, when she is still very young and they all have to learn to share.I will be trying your approach!
DSS, It does seem to only start when the baby goes to the eldest other wise DD1 will leave her to play. They have been a little better today, DD1 had a 2 hour nap this afternoon! Perhaps she is getting over tired at the moment, I might try re-introducing DD1's nap and see how we go on!
Thanks again!

DS used to do all his puzzles and build his megablocks etc on the dining room table so that DD couldn't destroy them.