nearly 5 yr old smashing stuff up in the other room.....

[miku]

while im in here trying not to get angry!
just gave her lunch-pasta and chicken-she said "i didnt want chicken" as i went to get my lunch.Sat and ate it as she hid behind the sofa.....yes that wound me up, but I said"Do you want to say anything to me?the chicken is separate, you dont have to eat it". and then ill be in the other room as she started throwing things.....
that was 15 minutes ago, and i can hear load banging and my stomach tightening!
i do have time s when Ive LOST it with her, and i worry about both our mental health......but what do i do NOW???just sit and wait until shes smashed everything and keep calm???
HOW???

Can you put her in her room so she only smashes her own things?

Deep breaths. Feel free to get a cup of tea and drink it in the garden! She'll survive for a few minutes!

You need to go in there and say "thats enough". Next time, give her a cushion to punch - throwing things is not acceptable.
I can sympathise, though, I have lost it lots of times with my DS (who is older now and a bit more in control)
She may well be scaring herself, if she can't control herself.
Go in and try to engage her, give her the chance to give you a hug. Good luck - it is SOOO hard sometimes isn't it?

I'd take her and put her in her room til she's calmed down. You can't reason with her while she's in a mood like thaqt and you are more likely to get angry. Just take her, put her in her room, shut the door and leave he in there. Calm down ten get her to tidy up the room she trashed when she's apologised. In the meantime, eat chocolate and relax if possible!!!

I think it's gone so far now that she cant see a way out without losing face. I'm sure she knows her behaviour is unacceptable, but think you should go in calmly and give her a way out.

Go in and say to her 'DD I can see you are very upset and angry about something. Can you come and talk to me about it?'. It might take her completely off-guard and you can start to resolve this.

Sometimes kids lose it for the slightest reason, goodness knows what the chicken/pasta issue was all about, but now it's escalated into something more.

Hope it works out x

trouble is she knows that throwing things really gets my goat.......
i feel guilty too, because im a bit of a shouty lose it type of mum, and yes throwing things ids not acceptable, but I know that neither is shouting and gulp....smacking, but I do it.
Im in here trying to get a grip ON MYSELF so that i dont be the kind of mum i hate to be sometimes!!!!!

We all feel like this, honest. You are a good mum or else you wouldn't be on here asking for advice, bad mum's wouldn't give a shit and would already have gone in there and throttled her and not given it a second thought. Don't be so hard on yourself. Be calm with her, tell her what you are doing and why, ie putting you in your room or taking something she likes away because her behaviour is not acceptable and she needs to calm down, then do it. Don't back down.

thanks everyone.
I just went back in and theres pasta,sweetcorn, pesto chicken and veg all over the floor-but shes calmed down.
I talked to her but the t.vs on and she wouldnt listen so i turned the tv off saying i needed to talk with her about why she did it, and does she think its good behaviour, and what does she think would have been better.
shes now cleaning up, but shes angry now that i turned the tv off!!!
aaaaahhh!well hopefully i can clean out all that pesto......

Miku, I sympathise. DS1 (also 5) started to increase this this kind of behaviour about a year ago.

The thing that really helped us (and where i got my earlier advice to you from) was a book called "how to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk". I think it's been discussed quite a bit on mn.

It will help you to understand why your dd has reacted to stuff like the pasta, and how to stop future conflicts happening, or nip them in the bud earlier.

I know it's not much help for you at this moment, but maybe something for the future if this is happening a lot.

Has she calmed down yet?

x posts! I see she has.

Think about the book, it was a real help for us.

ok, calm, but not sorry really!!
ive given her 5 minutes to clean the pasta up, while im in here typing........i will look at that book sounds good, and we need something, cos she does an awful lot of this hiding/creeping behaviour which i find irritating!!!!cos im not cross with her, and then that behaviour gets me