Death fixation

[traceybath]

My DS1 who was 4 in august has become quite fixated on death at the moment.

Lots of questions about why people die etc. He even drew a picture on tuesday of a church a gravestone and a dead me (only when i'm very old though).

I've tried answering all his questions as honestly as possible (we're not religious) but he's getting noticably clingier with me.

Didn't help that i've been ill over the last week and i think in his mind he's scared i may die - pretty unlikely from tonsilitis!

He was sobbing at drop-off at school this morning which is unlike him and just wanted to be with me. He's also adamant that he's going to marry me and live with me forever.

So my question is - is this a normal phase? How have others dealt with it?

I find it so difficult to discuss death with a 4 year old especially as i can't offer any guarantees.

I clicked on your thread thinking "I wonder if this is a four year old?" and bingo

Yes yes yes it's a normal phase (four to five, in my experience). Respond frankly but cosily, not too much deep information, lots of reassurance. He won't retain very much of it - it may seem like he's fixated, but it probably flits in and out of his mind. But it's exactly normal for his age.

Had to reply to this, My now 6 and half year old has been and i suppose is still going through this. We had all the questions (never ending!) We still get tears now, but they seem to be cleverly used at times such as bed time... when he doesnt want to go! I have explained what i can, (i am religious but DH isnt so was very careful) I think he feels a little insecure about the world thats all, when he realises your not all going to drop dead in an instance he will be a bit better about it all. Think its one of those 'realisation' moments in life that they have. Still not nice to think of your little one being so worried about something as morbid as death though, Hope he is ok XXX

yes, quite normal,ds did this particularly when he was 7-8,but I think it was spurred on by our moving house/town/school. I was obsessed by death at around 12 -14.

There was a similar thread last week.
this thread

"Talking to young children about death can be hard but it’s a perfectly normal phase for them to go through. As other people have stated, the best way to respond is to be honest, give simple answers and lots of reassurance and stress that people dying suddenly or when they’re not ill or old is rare. Euphemisms about death – such as saying someone is sleeping – can make young children scared that when they sleep they may be going to die, so try and make sure your child hasn’t got things confused.

This article, written by a writer who lost her own father at five and who is now answering questions about death from her own three-year-old, covers some really interesting ground. It also contains links to useful online resources from charities such as Barnados – who have a booklet about explaining death – and topical blogs and books. Hope this helps.

www.passingboxes.com/the-open-box/talking-kids-about-death/"

Yes yes yes! Very normal. I have a 5 and a 3 year old who are both very obsessed with death. My 3 year old made me cry by asking me when I was going to die, then bringing herself to the shocking revelation that she herself would die. We are very open about death and it helped that out pet cat died 18 months ago. Both kids get a bit gruesome with the questions sometimes but it's very healthy to be open with them and to be honest about the emotions around it (i.e. it's ok to show that it makes you sad).