DS 2.7 is petrified of dogs and is becoming phobic. What can i do????

[twosofar]

DS1 who is now 2.7 was absolutely fine with dogs until May when he was walking in the park and a huge dog bounded over and snatched the croissant he was eating out of his hand, petrifying the life out of him in the process. From then on he's been cautious and wary but over the last few weeks it has developed into full blown hysteria when he sees a dog. His childminder has had to stop taking them to the park as he can't cope if he sees a dog. Whether it's a big dog, small dog, on a lead, tied up outside a shop, whatever, he immediately runs in front of me, begging to be picked up and howling that he wants to go home. He's genuinely petrified, shaking like a leaf and burying his head in my neck. I'm really worried that this is just going to get worse and I don't want him to be crippled with fear, or transmit this fear to his brother who is 14mo.
There is no question of us getting a dog but i know desensitisation is the way forward. Has anyone been through this and can help please?

I would suggest trying to find someone that you trust who has a really quiet dog. The sort of dog that will just lie on the floor and ignore everything that is going on.

We have a really lovely dog, and have had quite a lot of sucess with children that do not like dogs - firstly keeping her in a separate room, then letting her come in to the room but to lie down away from the child etc - our only problem with this in our house is the initial excitment - if we know someone is coming that is frightened we make sure that none of this happens anywhere near the child!

I would also teach your child how to respond to dogs - the worst thing he can do is to throw his hands up in the air or make a lot of noise - children that are picked up are much more interesting than ones that just continue walking along or stand still.

I should say that I think that it is such a shame that this has happened to your son - I do own a dog but there is no way I would allow her to be in a situation where she could run up and frighten a child.

Hi twosofar... my ds1 is the same and for the same reason. A dog took a biscuit out of his hand when he was about 2 and since then he's been terrified of them. He also would try to avoid places where there were dogs around without leads (or straps as he calls them ). He's now 4.6 yrs and although is still very wary, he is much better although will still go into a panic if a dog bounds up to him from behind (i.e he hasn't seen it coming). We dont really know anyone with dogs so couldn't gently introduce him to a dog, but I started to tell him stories about the dogs we would see, even if they were far away... Like, "Look at that doggie over there, he really wants another treat doesn't he" and "wonder what that dog has for his dinner tonight" etc... it may sound really silly but it got us talking about dogs in a fun way and my Ds would join in. Then slowly if we saw a little puppy I would go and stroke the dog with the owners OK and gently try to persuade DS to touch his ear and see how soft he was.... It has been a slow and often frustrating process but I really want to try to crack it early on otherwise I think it will impact him later on. I couldn't even imagine him going to a friends house if they had a dog - even now. Good luck and if you find a magic answer then please let me know!

What a shame, that must have been so frightening for him. No wonder he is scared.

Our DD had an incident with a dog about 4 months ago and has been very wary since. We have moved house and our neighbour has a lovely dog, who can be excitable for the first few minutes but then calms down and just lays on the rug for hours as our DC stroke him. They are even learning the sign language that the dog knows and can get him to sit and lay down.

It has been really good for them both (they were both frightenend in the incident but DD was more upset afterwards).

Do you know anyone with a placid dog?

I would go with the finding a trusted dog. If you have picked him up when he has been cautious/frightened then this will have reinforced that there is something to fear. What I would suggest is to get down to his level and be over friendly towards the dog, stroke it and talk to it so he sees you being fine with it. Don't tense up when you are getting close too a dog as he will sense your anxiety about him and think its about the actual dog. Tell him its fine and that it will not hurt him. Tell him that not all dogs are naughty like the one who ate his croissant, just like some children are naughty and some aren't. Whatever you do don't pick him up. This reinforces fear. It will also make the dog more curious and so it will try to get closer.

I completely agree with Mistlethrush - we went through something similar with dd2 and were fortunate enough to have the circumstances to allow us to get a puppy (which we had in any case been planning) and this worked within two weeks - find someone friendly with a good dog, it will save your child a lifetime of tension, and maybe it won't take too much time?

Best of luck, I feel for you, we too have had the floor-hugging screech-monkey parental-guilt-invoking dramas. Hope DS gets over this with your help, but would agree it's worth some input to ensure this doesn't become a lifelong issue.

I really feel for you as our 8 year old son is exactly the same he had a bad experience when he was about 3 and is now petrified. Whenever we go to the woods for a walk and see any dog he starts to shake and cry, which is awful. Doesn't help that our neighbours have a hideous little schnauzer, which, whilst stupid as anything and harmless, yaps constantly! Our 3 year old loves her and will play happily, but poor old George is a wreck. What we try to do, is hold his hand and if the dog we see looks a bit old and daft, try to persuade him to allow it to walk past - no suggestion of him going near it or stroking it, just reassure him that we're close by and won't let anything bad happen. It is hard though!

good luck!!

My (then) 2.6yo had a dreadful experience of having a sniffer dog leap (fully) on top of him whilst he was strapped in a buggy at an airport. It was absolutely awful and he was petrified of dogs in a similar way - shaking, crying, needing to be held and taken away. We did nothing proactive but made sure that he felt very secure whenever he encountered a dog. Childish curiosity and seeing people with dogs at school etc allowed him to grow out of the hysterical fear by about 4.5 and now he is sensibly wary but happy to interact with dogs with the owner's permission and supervision.

Thanks for the replies... am horrified to think that this will still be going on in years to come but that certainly looks like the reality. It's such a shame as he loved dogs before this happened. We don't know anyone with a dog - we live in reasonably central London so virtually everyone we know is dog free but I shall think of something...thanks again

I used to keep a special treat in the back of the buggy after we had a bad experience. I'd pick DS up before hysteria hit and he'd have a few pieces of dried pineapple from the pocket at the back of the buggy. Then I'd walk over to the owner with him in my arms and explain DS was a bit unsure and talk to them about their dog. Mostly the dog owners were sensitive and really tried to help. Combination of that, plus the treat really calmed him. He's still cautious about dogs we don't know, but I think that's a good thing.

As an adult who is still petrified of dogs (picked up the phobia from my mum - didn't realise until I was 25 and walking down the road with her - she saw a dog and grabbed my hand!). People had always asked me why I was scared of dogs and I couldn't tell them.

Anyway, I am now getting a lot better, partly because I have to go to the park with DD and partly because I know that most dogs are reasonable. Still get palpitations and feel sick if dogs are off leads and come to close to me, but ok with 'friendly' dogs of friends.

I think the advice to spend some time with a calm dog, under no pressure to touch/go near it is the best.

Good luck and hope you sort it out. (I do think that cautiousness with dogs is natural to small children and would rather that than having DD running up and trying to stroke them all though! And not JUST becuase Mummy is scared .