Young baby screaming at grandparents - do they grow out of this?

[chequersandchess]

DH and my family both live hundreds of miles away but see each roughly once a month.

The problem is, DD, who is generally very cheerful and content seems to hate being around "new" people, esp if we go to their house. She cried a lot when we visited my fmily, although had calmed down by about day 3.

We normally only go to PIL for one night though and she spent all of Saturday screaming and being upset

Has beeen happening since she was 8 weeks, she's now 12. Do they all do this? Do they grow out of it? What can I do?

She has always been fine with my NCT friends who I see weekly, but they don't tend to be "in your face" with her the way gps are.

Hi chequers, my DD was like this at the same age with my MIL and FIL - nobody else. We had to tell them a little white lie that DD was like this with everyone and that they just had to back off a little until she got used to the new/strange environment. It worked to a certain extent, but DD is now 3.5 years and is still a bit wary of them at times. We just give her time to "come round" to them when we go visiting and they accept this now. Oh, and keeping some toys at their house helps .

Once they realise that GP homes are a haven of sweets and biscuits they soon come round.

Definitely. My mum lives a 5 hour drive away but after a rocky start she now comes (every couple of months)bringing sweets, toys and adoration. Both DS1 and 2 love her. Bribery works every time.

Ok thanks, so it'll continue for a while by the sounds of it.

DD2 screamed every time my mum came near her for about the first year of her life. It was really hard, especially as DD1 had been so sociable from an early age so I sympathise with you. DD2 is now absolutely fine with GPs, even being left with them at 18 months.

Oh, god, I remember this well, especially with grandpa. Tbh, the way he screamed in the kid's face, I'm not at all surprised ds din't like him to begin with. Loves him to bits now.

One thing that might help until your child is old enough to remember GPs is to have lots of photos of them around the place. If you look at them with your DD and talk about who they are, this will make them more familiar to her.

But there's not a lot you can do when she's so young - just make sure the GPs don't take it personally because it is very normal behaviour.

Yes, I think the problem is that she likes to observe people from a distance first, but the gps want an instant relationship. My Mum is worst for this - just assumes DD should know she is her grandmother and should take to her instantly, but my Mum doesn't take the time to get to know what she wants (e.g. tries to rock her when she wants to be sat up).

It's a minfield!

Good idea sm, my Mum wants to buy her this, I wonder if that will help.

"Do they all do this?" No, but some do.

"Do they grow out of it" Most definitely YES!

"What can I do". Limit visits for the time being. It is very early days

Thanks blueshoes, don't think I can limit visits though, they would be gutted

She is only travelling every 2 months at the mo to them, with them coming to us the rest of the time.

DS wasn't that bad with grandparents, even tho he didn't see either set that often. Although I always waited until he was happy to go to them before I handed him over, gave him chance to get used to things. He got on really well with my dad from an early age, mainly because he was so quiet and not 'in your face' I think.

DS is now 2.3 yrs and adores his grandparents, is lovely to see. Still a bit wary when they first arrive, but they let him come to them and it is fine.

That looks like a good product CandC. And if you let your mum get it, she'll know that you're working on getting your DD to know granny better. Then granny might not feel she has to try so hard when she sees DD.

New GPs who don't see their GC often do seem to have a tendency to get overexcited - it seems to come more naturally to them to be jumping up and down singing songs, than holding back. But holding back a bit is probably a better thing to do if the baby is a bit shy of them.

Fair enough chequers. 2 months is a long time in a baby's life. I reckon things will naturally sort itself out within 5 visits, if not earlier .

I don't know about spending money on that picture. But if it makes your mother happy, it is money well spent. At least you look like you have done everything to smooth the way, even if it does not hasten the process (that is my opinion anyway).

Tips on making babies feel at ease. Agree with stinkymonkey to ask GPs to hold back. In fact, I would ask them to ignore your dd and just go about their usual business. You can sit holding dd and just chat to them, like everything is fine in the world. Once your dd sees you are ok with them, she might likewise relax.

But if your dd is screaming the minute you step into the house or even at just the sight of them, this approach might not work! If so, I would take your dd into another room until she calms down. If you breastfeed, that would be a useful thing to do.

Babies are not rational. Some don't like men with beards.

we have the same problem with DD now 9 mths. She is fine with my parents, other family memebers and friends but just seems scared of PIL. Very odd. Screams and crys - it's horrible to see.
We just try to see them as often as possible and be really upbeat when we're there so hopefully she'll come to realise they are nice people!!

Gawd I'm worried now, PIL are coming for xmas and I'm worried she'll still be like it.

Babies don't know instinctively who their relations are. My DD (11 month old third child) usually screams when picked up by the PIL. She doesn't see them often enough to remember them so they're strangers every time they visit.

It's not personal and I'm sure she'll grow out of it eventually.