unhappy child

[jackiem41]

hi i am mum to 4 children aged 18yrs currently away at university 17yrs, 10yrs and 9yrs. my youngest child has allways been a live wire but i have allways thought she was a happy little girl. 2yrs ago at school she had a teacher who did not manage her behaviour very well at all and from our point of view picked fault with her at every opportunity. We have had niamh assesed for adhd as a result that this teacher thought there was a problem we attended quite a few sessions with a phsycologist who after assesing her at school said she was a lovely little girl and praised my husband and i for bieng very loving supportive parents Also her education suffered as she just stood still and seemed not to learn anything for the whole year. She is a bight little girl who i would describe as full of confidence. things looked up after she had this teacher and she has came on leaps and bounds she is very popular with other teachers who know she cartwheels and swings on her chair but she never argues or fights with other children. She again has this teacher this year and i did have reservations but i thought i would go with it and see how she got on. We went to parents evening 2wks ago and i have hardly slept since with worry over the things she said she asked as soons as we arrived if our child liked school i said she did she then said she did not belive so she felt she was unhappy with life, had no self worth and thought she was good at nothing. i was left shell shocked as was my husband this caught us of guard as i had expected her to complain about her swinging on her chair which she had done on many occasions 2yrs before. She also showed us a piece of work which she said she had started the children on where the children has to make up the ending she said she told them it could be happy or sad and niamh was the only child in the class to have chosen not only a sad but tragic ending ( the bear ate everyone in the village). my husband and i both felt she was almost saying she was abused i just dont know what to do she seems happy but iam distrught to think maybe she isnt and as she is happy at home is this just a problem at school and if so why is the teacher trying to blame us? i would be grateful for any advice she is the deputy head also so it is very difficult as i think the head cant see any wrong in this teacher

feel very sorry for you but don't have much advice except follow your own instincts

I wouldn't necessarily assume that a child is unhappy because they choose a tragic ending. Could just be that she has more literary talent than the rest

Dd (12) told me yesterday that she got told off at school for writing such dark stories. But she also told me that the teacher has entered her for a writing competition.

Seriously, this teacher has decided that your dd has a problem. It may be difficult to take her out of this misconception, but this is not necessarily going to be the way your dd is seen by anybody else in the school, or how she sees herself. Dd's loony headteacher was convinced that we were a dysfunctional family and actually sent for the social workers (who discharged us the moment they set eyes on us), but I don't think anyone else shared that view.

this is difficult. the teacher obviously has a bit of a thing against your daughter - we are having this this year with dd1 for the first time ever and it is going to be a hard year... however, those comments are really extreme - why would any teacher ever say that a child had no sense of self worth? that's a terrible thing to say

is there another class in the same year? i would consider moving her... and also, write down in detail everything weird she's said so far, anything your daughter has said about school, and whatever you can remember from before, so that if you do need to speak to the head teacher about it again, you have it all sorted in your head.

I don't know what to suggest otherwise, I really hope you find a way of dealing with it

I can imagine how shocked you must've been at the meeting, particularly as you don't share the teacher's perceptions of your dd.

The only thing I would add to the other posts is: have your dd compose a story, or two, so you can see for yourself what she writes...

A load of rubbish saying that a child is unhappy because of a story about a bear eating people! It just shows a good imagiation in my opinion. If she had written something with extreme violence between humans or something quite disturbing and dark about relationships/ anger/ violence, then I would have been more likely to believe it. TBH the teacher sounds a bit bonkers to even say the things that have been said. You must feel awful. I would really push to have her moved into another class and see if the next teacher expresses any concern. From what you describe she sounds like a perfectly happy, confident, bubbly little girl. Npt really sure what to siggest but I do feel for you, it's a difficult situation for you all.

Oh GOD this makes me SO MAD!This exact same thing happened to us and we were persuaded to have our son assessed for ADHD and it came back totally clear. BLOODY teachers! (sorry to anyone who is a good teacher!)
Please please do not let this stupid woman persuade you there is something wrong with your daughter - basing a diagnosis of unhappiness simply because she wrote a sad ending is ludicrous. I was a very dramatic child and my stories were all about people dying horribly and so on and I was perfectly happy! What a crock of sh** - what about novelists?! Do we assme that everyone who writes a sad novel had an unhappy childhood?!

Seriously you need to speak to the head and say you have issues with this woman - can your daughter be transferred to another year group? Has it occurred to this woman that she may be the very reason that your daughter is (or may be) unhappy! Do you have a School Counsellor? If all else fails I would contact your local education office and say you have an issue.

As long as you are convinced your daughter is reasonably happy I am sure you have nothing to worry about.

I hope it works out - do let us know!