Advice please, im getting into a bit of a tiz!

[deanychip]

My lovely friend is coming round later to pick up her child who is coming for a play and tea with mine.
She will bring her other daughter who is 8. The daughter wrecks EVERY SINGLE ROOM IN MY HOUSE.
You cant see the floor when she has been in a room, she literally empties every draw, toy box & cupbourd in every room.(including my room!)
I spent all day yesterday cleaning and tidying.
Im getting into a bit of a stress about her coming.
Then she compalins that she is bored (as my child and the child coming to paly are 5, and boys, so i have no girls toys that are appropriate for her age.
I have tried to put a DVD on for them before now, but the boys get bored and go upstairs to play...she follows after she has wrecked my living room, dining room, kitchen, conservatory.
What do i do without causing upset or offence to my lovely friend?

Why doesn't her mother stop her from trashing your house (that would piss me off to be honest). Can you say to your friend that you have someone coming over later and have spent the day tidying and you are knackered. It might make her stop her DD trashing the place.

Have you got craft stuff? Can you and your friend engage with the girl so that she doesn't get bored? Maybe make jewelery together from buttons and laces/wool. Or get an Argos catelogue and get her to sit down with you and write her christmas list. Get her some scissors and some paper and she can cut the pictures out and make a collage of what she wants. Get her making fireworks out of card, tin foil and any other craft bits.

I think it is really fine to put down some ground rules as where the mess can/can't be made. A kid's bedroom is fair enough, but not all over the place.

Just tell her not to make a mess. She is 8 for goodness sake not 3 and you are the adult in charge.

Could you say 'I've noticed LO gets a bit bored round here, I love having you both here and enjoy your company so could she bring something of her's to play with, or one of her fave DVDs?'
I'm not entirely sure what 8 yr olds like these days - is a colouring book too babyish? Or a young girls princessy type magazine? Perhaps (if you can afford to) you could buy her it to make her feel more welcome (not that I'm suggesting you don't already), or as a reward for good behaviour? Not that I think you should have to buy her anything but it seems a shame that she's putting a little downer on visits from a good friend.

ah but pileto, i really dont want to offend or upset her mum and i know that she would be really upset if she knew the dread that i feel.
We have coffee and i am distracted by great slabs of cake.....im like Homer, "cant concentrate...eating".

While they all go off to happily play/wreck.

I could give her the Argos and a bit of paper to do a list.....

Then the mum gets annoyed that she is listening to grown up conversaion. Poor kid cant win! bless her.

I will just have to put up and shut up, will try to get them to clean up before they go home. (but its not the boys that make the mess)
I will make a game of it AND will tell them that they can go in boys bedroom only, no other room. Shut the doors.

Well if you are all ignoring her busy talking, she probably is very bored . Buy her some special girly things that are just hers for when she comes round to play. Everyone a winner. But you should put your foot down about trashing the place - or be prepared to put up with it.

Can you text/phone the Mum

Please can you make sure x brings something with her to help keep her occupied she always seems very bored when she comes here

You mean the mum is actually there while this happens? I thought maybe she just dropped them and left. That's bizarre. Of course the dd gets bored - she needs to bring something for her to do.

yes, mum is there.
Teebee you make it sound like we are neglectful....we are only slightly distracted for amatter of amybe 9 seconds while i cram huge cake into my mouth, then i am all ears

I was only joking, honest.

hmmm - either tell her mum that it's not on and she needs to bring something to keep 8 year old occupied (and cake!)
OR, why not suggest having next play date at her house and then get your wee lads to trash every room in her house and then see how she feels (not terribly mature but it might work and am sure your boys would have a great time - everyone's a winner

I've had the children of good friends behave like this.

You just say in a teachery voice "nobody goes upstairs, ok!" not in a questioning voice though. Very athorititively.

Your friend isn't going to think "I can't believe she didn't let my child go into every room in her house!! what a cheek".

BE assertive.

ps, you are not neglectful!! I spent 40% of my childhood bored. Taht was par for the course. You didn't go round wrecking.

Yes. I do like Liffey says, address all the children and say something like "...put your toys away before you get something new out".

Just ask the girl if you see her making mess, something like; "....[name], could you tidy that box of stuff away for me please love?".

She came, she wrecked only 2 rooms!
They were not that wrecked either, she was good as gold.
(btw she is a gorgeous lovely child, jsut messy)

I have this problem with my SIL kids, I started off being nice, then I dropped hints, now I stand there and yell "don't trash the place" and then I go round and make them tidy it up. my SIL doesn't seem to mind really it's either that or tie the little sods up - I'm not that keen on my niece and nephew - can you tell? LOL

Bloody hell, you mean the emptying drawls and scattering stuff everywhere phase doesn't end as they grow up?? I was figuring that by age 3-4 I'd have my home back again! Glad she didn't wreck too much of your house too badly!