battleground with 3yo - HELP!

[mamatilly]

Darling boy, 3yrs old, says NO to everything..

Putting coat on takes endless threats and ultimatums, ditto getting dressed, putting on pajamas, washing hands, holding hands, drinking juice, getting out of bath etc etc etc

i have tried asking him to do good listening and be kind and that i just want to be his friend... but it all ends up with threats and ultimatums and counting to three or putting him outside the room..

Any ideas mumsnetters????

xxx

i really did think we had sailed thru the terrible twos, only to be met by the truly terrible threes.. hey ho

but i am very curious to know - when does all this stop??? when are games/bargaining/strategies/cold taps(!) no longer necessary??? tell me please....

I found it got much easier by age 4. Occasional setbacks (age 7 quite stroppy) but on the whole pretty well any age after 3 signalled a slow improvement.

oh good.... light at the end of the tunnel x

Dd loves 'being a soldier'! So it's arms up 1, 2. Vest on 1,2. Upstairs 1,2 on the loo 1,2 do a wee 1,2. I'm sure you are getting the idea! It drives me barmy sometimes but it works at the mo.
Also I give her a short run down of what we are doing through the day. She likes to know what is happening.
She does have boundaries and pushes them most days. And has complete melt downs over the smallest thing, but I guess this is her just being 3.

Four is better, but some days when DS is tired it's harder. Problem being that he's getting more articulate and clever at seeing my strategies. Yesterday he was daftly whiney. I'd tried everything to change the mood, but everything I did was wrong. He was so demanding that I found myself saying 'I am not your personal slave.' He replied with a knowing smile 'Yes you are, mummy.' sigh...

you have my sympathies, ds is just exiting this mode as dd adopts it

for me getting through involves being bright and breezy. asking politely, firmly but cheerily for somthing to be done [clothes, teeth, toilet, telly off] and walking away to let them do it in their own sweet time, allows them to "decide" when to do it. refusing to get visibly riled and going outside for a quick scream, announcing that I am going to hide [this always works].

i have found it all much easier now that i have decided that mostly i genuinely don't mind if we are on time for playgroup/dancing/nursery, or not.