My 3 year old daughter seems so unhappy at the moment.

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter is 3.5 and usually such a happy friendly little sole. Recently, for about a week now she's been very tearful. If she does somthing a bit naughty all we need to do is say her name in a disaproving tone, and she'll start crying. She dosn't want to walk very far at all and wants to be carried and fed at dinner times. If not, she won't eat. It's hard to talk to her about how she feels as she has a speech disorder and difficulties expressing herself. She is still as loving and caring as ever but somthing does seem to be troubeling her.
Nothing has changed in her life recently. She's been on holiday from nursery, and said she dosn't want to go back. I went through the names of all the children saying do you want to play with X and then the teachers to see if she had any problems there. She said she likes everyone, but wants them to play at her house not nursery.
She said today "I'm poorley" I said where, what hurts and she said in a flustered way "I don't know". She also uses "I'm poorley" for feeling upset. Once she said to me "I'm poorley because Daddy's at work". I'm not sure how to handle this, she also gets frustrated very quickly and cries. We feel like we're walking on egg shells at the moment. What's your advice?

Sorry to hear this. I read recently that a good tip to help little ones talk about their feelings is to play a hand puppet game. Her little puppet talks to your hand puppet and in that conversation, she may tell you what's wrong with her puppet. Haven't tried it myself but heard some good stories.

Try drawing pictures and talking. Draw the holiday, nursery and home, friends, etc. She may add things in , it might work in discovering what makes her happy and sad.

DS also says he is ill when not happy and often wants to stay a home in phases.

Thank you. She can't really draw, she tends to scribble. The puppets sound good, I think she'd like that.

I'm trying to think of anything that couldh've upset her and there was an incident last week when we were on the moors and my husband was carrying Lucy over some rocks and he slipped and cut his head very badly. She was unharmed but he had to go to hospital to have his head clued.
She looks at it every day and looks concerned. She says "Daddys head is broken". He always reasures her that it's fine now but she can still see the cut so dosn't believe him. She keeps kissing it better for him.

If you have hula hoops (random I know) try putting them around the floor and make them different places nursery, holiday, home and watch how she reacts when she steps into them. Or use anything, pillowcases, cushions. It's harder for your body to cover things up IYSWIM. You can make the hoops rooms in each place too if you are on to something.

Poor little mite, hope she feels better soon.

Apparently the younger you are, the more you think everything is your fault.

Thanks jellyrolly, you must work with children ?
That's a really good idea.

Aww bless her, do you think she could think that because Daddy was holding her that made him fall ?

I used to, now I just have a couple!

She might think she made him fall. It would make sense why she is quite sensitive when you talk sternly to her.

I suppose seing the blood etc and knowing her Daddy had been hurt was probubly more traumatic for her than we realised.
She's never seen blood, so probubly didn't know what on earth was happening.

DS2 got a toy stuck in his mouth once and started bleeding and DS1 (aged 2) talked about it for AGES.

Maybe you could make what happened into a story? (Obviously a story where she is completely absolved of any responsibilty )

Thanks, I will.

I suppose I was so worried about my husband and what on earth we were going to do, as I don't drive, I didn't concider how it was effecting Lucy enough. She is extreamly sensitive at the best of times, and she absoluitly adores her Dad.

Good luck, she sounds like a sweetheart.

She keeps wanting to inspect his head all the time too. She seems really concerned that it's "Still broken". It's a shame we can't somehow hide the gash.

Thanks jellyrolly, she is!.

Did she see her dad getting treated at the hospital? Maybe she could put some pretend stitches in a doll or teddy and 'fix' it.

If you do make a story up, you could say that Lucy saved Daddy when he fell and helped to take him to hospital.

You might be on to something with the story about your DH injuring his head. I have a 3.5 yr old DS and my Granny recently died. DS started doing everything your DD has been doing - he has been at nursery for a year with no problems but had a week off when we stayed with my family and then became hysterical when he had to go back etc. The staff were really good and had lots of talks with him and he told them he was sad because he he'd seen me cry about my Granny. We've had huge ammounts of tears and wanting his food to be cut up, very clingy, all that kind of thing. It's taken several weeks but we seem to be getting back to normal now

I still remember the day my Dad cut his head by walking into an open window - I must have been maybe 4 at the time. It was really shocking as I think it was the first time I had realised that my parents could actually be hurt, and weren't invincible.

So if she is very sensitive anyway ( and she sounds absolutely adoreable) I can imagine this having an impact.

Maybe a time to explain about how bodies heal themselves and become as good as new?

Ah, poor little thing. It does come as a shock to children when they first realise that their parents are not invulnerable, and they will often carry on reacting with distress or anger at any such incidents throughout childhood (and sometimes beyond!).

(have just spent the weekend with a very angry 8yo- all because Mummy and Daddy had the flu and big sister had a breathing attack, it frightened him)

But of course it is not knowledge that you can keep from them forever. I don't think you need to feel guilty about not being able to hide your husband's scar. As long as you can all be calm and cheerful, you will gradually teach her to cope. She may need some weeks to work through it, but in the end she will emerge more confident. As they say, whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

It could be the shock of seeing your DH fall. I was carrying my DS when he was also 3 and I fell and cut my head. He wouldn't come near me for days. He came out of it pretty quickly but was obv still affected. Still talks about it occasionally now and he is 7.

She sounds stressed and confused, possibly from the accident, but tbh we had a collision with a deer when ds was similar age and he was actually fine, butalso I suspect something isn't right at nursery if she doesn't want to go back. How has the teacher this year been treating her, has there been any repetition of the wetting incident when she was spoken to so harshly? Maybe she is finding the communication causing more of a frustration and tiring if the day is a bit more challenging and disciplined.

LIZS, I don't think it's anything to do with nursery as she started being like this during her second week of half term.
She is usually excited about nursery. She does have a good time, and comes out full of excitment about what she's been doing.
She gets on really well with her teacher, and cuddles her etc. She is usually dry through the day now as well.

I was simply making a connection with her not wanting to return. Glad she seems more settled but that would still bug me, especially since you are largely reliant on the staff telling you about her day.

LiZS- That's true, but she seems to have settled well now anyway. If there were any other insidents, the teacher would tell me.
Even when the incident happened, it didn't seem to bother her. She came out happily, the teacher mentioned it to me, otherwise I wouldn't have known. I just thought it was a bit harsh at the time, but they managed to get her trained. I'd been trying for 6 months!!
I do have to relly on what they say, but I do trust them.