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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

6mth old won't go to anyone but mummy or daddy

11 replies

pudding25 · 04/11/2008 13:32

I posted about this a couple of months ago but it has not improved. DD is 6mths on Sunday. She loves people. Is happy and smiley. Loves to watch people of all ages and is happy for people to play with her.

However, if anyone tries to pick her up apart from DH or myself, she starts howling. Also, if I leave the room, (and if dh is also not there), she often starts crying.

Unfortunately, the grandparents and aunty keep picking her up as soon as they see her which does not help. We keep telling them to just play with her but they insist on picking her up immediately (DH going to have another word with his family to play it cool).

I suppose I am just worried that this will get worse instead of better when separation anxiety kicks in, especially as I am going back to work in April.

Can anyone reassure me?

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Original poster

pudding25 · 04/11/2008 13:33

She starts crying when I leave the room when other people are there - she will play happily by herself when we are at home and I have to go out the room to do something.

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 04/11/2008 13:38

I wouldn't worry too much tbh she is young at the moment by the time you go back to work she will have changed a lot. Just encourage people to interact with her and she will get used to it. If you get anxious when people go near her then try to relax as babies do pick up on vibes around them I'm sure in time she will settle down. You could try having a blanket she uses a lot on the shoulder of the person picking her up so that she is used to that smell? Do people that pick her up have strong odours like perfume or aftershave?

Ime sep anx is more common with children over 18mths.

LoveMyGirls · 04/11/2008 13:39

Have you tried talking as you walk out of the room so she can still hear you?

Piccalilli2 · 04/11/2008 13:39

My 6 mth old dd2 is much the same if I'm there, but last week I went out for a whole morning leaving her with grandparents. I expected to be called back really quickly but actually she was fine.

Tommy · 04/11/2008 13:40

my 20 month is still like this.

However, if I am not there then he will go to anyone. He sees my Mum 2 or 3 times a week but if I am there, he won't sit on her lap or anything. If she looks after him in her own, he is fine.

I would try not to worry about it. DS3 goes to nursery one day a week and cries whenever I leave him but as soon as I've gone, he's all smiles

ilovetochat · 04/11/2008 13:40

dd was like this and still is sometimes and she is 16 months now. She loves people and children but if anybody even gps rush in and grab her she cries. I just tell people you have to give her time to come to you and once she was crawling i said she is independent now and doesn't want picking up.

Jennysbean · 04/11/2008 13:56

My DD was like this, it was wearing and worrying! She wouldn't tolerate anyone else coming too near or God forbid picking her up, she used to get quite hysterical. This was from 4 months to 6 months. I just kept persevering ( not when she was too upset) I would just make sure she saw me a lot with other people, smiling and relaxed, I always saw other people every day and so she was used to being around others all the time. gradually she really did just get better, i now leave her with my in laws and parents and she is absolutely fine. She does still have moments with strangers but that's understandable!
Distraction is quite good, my Dad was good at picking DD up and taking her over to the window to see birds etc so she would be taken up with something.
I think some babies are just a wee bit more sensitive and take a bit longer but she will get there.

julietbat · 04/11/2008 14:12

I agree with Jennysbean - distraction is a really good tactic. Sometimes it's all too easy to hand them back immediately they start to cry but if you leave them for a few seconds while showing them something interesting (birds out the window works EVERY time with my 7 month dd!)they can forget about their tears.
Also, your point, Pudding, about grandparents rushing in to pick them up straight away is something I'd persevere in trying to change. My dd will howl if someone tries to pick her up immediately (even her grandparents who she sees every few days) but give her a little time to see that they're ok and not going anywhere (and, more importantly, you're not going anywhere) and that can sometimes give them the security they need.

Original poster

pudding25 · 04/11/2008 21:47

Thanks everyone. You have made me feel better. We see people every day and I really think I am quite laid back with her and other people (not so much the inlaws who are bugging me!) so hopefully things will improve.

Mil is coming to spend the day on Thursday (they live near but I thought it would be good for her to spend more time with dd -may regret this) and dh is going to have a word with her (again!) beforehand anbout picking up dd.

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mumtum1 · 05/11/2008 21:10

my DD is just over five months ... we also see other people every day, she is smiley, nosey, loves to know what's going on, it sounds odd but she is sociable as long as people keep their distance! but should anyone other than me or DH dare to go in for a cuddle, she is fine for a few seconds then she starts crying hysterically, holding her breath - even if i'm right beside her and trying to reassure her.

most people give her back immediately she gets upset but unfortunately the inlaws sound the same as yours pudding 25! they love her to bits but display this by grabbing her from me as soon as they see her, then make it their mission to stop her howling and won't give her back for ages. my DH and I are the only ones who can control her. i don't feel i can tell them to go easy on her but i think i will get DH to.

my parents are a lot calmer with her, i have told them she doesn't like to be grabbed and they accept that she needs time to familiarise herself with other people and don't take it personally. the other weekend, i sat in the middle of my parents with her and we played a game where she bounced from my knees, on to my dad's, back to me, on to my mum's, back to me. we did this quite a few times, then she was happy to spend a good few happy minutes with my mum. she then went mad again and came back to me but at least she was better than she has been and i think maybe she will get there in the end. i hope so - am going back to work in february and when we did a nursery show-round last week, she went nuts when i handed her over for just a few seconds to the nursery manager so i could put those shoe coverings on before going in the baby room..

Original poster

pudding25 · 05/11/2008 22:12

mumtum have we got the same dd and inlaws? . I have to say that fil is great. He plays with her from a distance and respects the fact that she doesn't want to be picked up and thrown around. MIL is the problem. My parents are in Scotland (we are in London) so have only been able to see her a few times so it is not really an issue.

We went round to dh's aunty today and she is very calm around dd and dd let her hold her for several mins while they looked out the window.

Let's hope they grow out of it -but I do think if the in laws calmed down, it would help!

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