4 year old wetting himself several times a day/not dry at night

[kathsmj]

Hi, just joined mumsnet and have specific worries that prompted me. My four year old is supposed to start full time school in September yet he is wetting his trousers 3-4 times a day and I still put him into a pull up pant at night. I have a mountain of trousers and pants and washing/ironing constantly.I praise him when he goes to the loo without wetting his trousers and am always reminding him, but sometimes he wets secinds after asking him if he needs to go. I am feeling that something is wrong now and he is like the odd one out at nursery, the only one to be clutching a carrier bag with wet stuff in at home time all the time. Any advice greatly appreciated.

I would suggest a visit to your gp to rule out any infections he might be harbouring first of all, and then have a word with the school to see how they will deal with his problem if it arises. My children all still wet the bed at night (ranging 11 to 2 years old), though not in the day, but I did know of one girl who was 10 or 11 who still had this problem , and her mum kept a spare set of clothes at school just in case. It might also be worth trying to find out if there is anything that is bothering him, is he worried about going to big school, being separated from you etc, or have there been any major events that may have upset him, like a new baby, that sort of thing.

Welcome to mumsnet and good luck.

Would second a visit to gp just to rule anything physical out, especially if this has started suddenly. Take along a fresh sample and obviously play it low key.

Our ds went through a similar phase when we moved, then baby sister arrived then new preschool all within 4 months. It took a while, and several bags of wet trousers a week from school for most of a term, to settle back down and in fact he made the decision for himself that at his 4th birthday he would also go dry at night and has rarely had an accident night or day since then.

IMO forget the night time training for now - that will follow in its own time - and focus on days. Is he too shy to say when he needs to go (I think that was partly ds' problem)or just holds on too long or is too preoccupied. Assuming there are no other issues, explain to him that you cannot do this for him and pass the responsibility for being dry over to him. Perhaps start up a reward scheme - stars/ chart/ chocolate even, if that is what will work.

However above all don't pressure him with Big School as this might prove counter productive. Most Reception teachers expect wet pants for the first few weeks at least.

hth

LizS

Our kid is just 3 and shouts out in day, "go loo" and there is no problem and she can do it all herself. So I can't add more to daytime stress (for you). Nights are not working since starting 2 weeks ago, unless of course we get up at 2300 and 0400 to force her to bathroom, surely this is not the best way? I think she goes to loo in sleep so she is not yet ready. She wants to be a "big girl" now she is 3 but why press her? Back to nappy from tonight.

Thanks for all your advice, shall certainly go to GP and query this,the Nursery staff seem to think he is OK and it is normal.We did have a baby, she will be a year old soon and perhaps her arrival plus starting nursery could contribute.
My son does get extremely preoccupied with things and simply forgets to go or can't be bothered. I will try a reward scheme and concentrate on days, get that sorted before the nights.
Great tips, shall follow them through, thanks again.

I am new here as well, and out of 5 children 2 have been late dry, 7 year old still in dry nites, (what a god send). 11 year old only been dry at night fully for about a year, she still will wet herself during the day if she is fully concentrating on something, its irritating but she does have excellent concentration skills.

kathsmj, I have to sympathise with you because my dd was just the same. She will be 4 in May and we were having about 4 accidents every day during January and February. Staying dry just wasn't important to her and she would sit in wet clothes for sometime before complaining. It got so that I was considering withdrawing her from nursery. However, she got a read along book/tape set at christmas and loved it so I promised her another one if she could get 10 smiley faces on our reward chart (one face for each dry half day). I made a big thing out of it and told her nursery teachers so that they could play along too. She had one accident on the first day and was devastated when she didn't get her smiley face and we haven't looked back since - not one day time accident.

I haven't even started putting her to bed without pull ups yet, it just isn't worth the hassle. DS2 wasn't dry at night until he was 6 because he was such a heavy sleeper and he still isn't completely reliable.

I only joined today and am releived to find out I am not alone with my son's "accidents". He is completely dry at night but during the day he gets so engrossed in what he is doing he forgets that he needs the loo til to late. HOW FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!not just for me and my mum (she's my child minder) but for Harry. Nursery have not been very supportive unfortunately even accussing him of not being toilet trained (started last July) and hinting that they may exclude him. He is only 3 and loves nursery. I've tried star charts, telling off, ignoring it even bribery and pleading. Anyone help me?

Try lots of praise when he does remember and a star chart as bribery with something that he really wants as a reward. Make it easily achievable to start with and gradually widen the goal posts as he gets the hang of it. They lose interest once it becomes second nature and forget about the star chart rewards. (see my posting below)

Jmh - welcome! Sorry nursery are being unsupportive. How long are his sessions there? How many does he do? If you make sure he goes as soon as he arrives, surely they can remind him to go a couple of hours later, or whatever?

Has his accidents been going on for some time? Has he ever been completely dry during the day? How old is he - 3 and a bit, or nearly 4?

Have you had success with sticker charts for other things, or not? If he is dry at night, then he must have very good bladder control, so it's just a matter of finding something to motivate him to use it properly.

Is there anything that he particularly likes? You (or your mum) could promise that he can 'play with the trainset' or 'watch a video' as soon as he gets back, if he hasn't had an accident at nursery all morning, or whatever?

Hi kmg, Harry is 3 yrs 4mths and goes to nursery sessions of 2 1/2 hrs evry wk day my mum gets him to go as soon as he gets there and we've found a nursery nurse there who will remind him and touch wood...4 DAYS DRY!!!! Sticker charts haven't worked for him although they worked brilliantly for my daughter. He knows that he can't have a story or watch Little Bear at night time if he wets during the day. Keep your fingers crossed for me!