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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2yo ds deliberately does 'naughty' things. Why and what to do??!!!

36 replies

cruisemum1 · 02/11/2008 22:23

ds 2yrs 1mth is usually great. He has excellent speech and is bright and sharp (sound like i am selling him )! But lately he does deliberately naughty stuff - he up-ended his dinner plate and demanded dairylea instead, drew a giant green spiral over his tummy, used green pen to draw circles on hall wall, throws stuff, tips drinks all over floor etc. I always act promptly in reprimanding him - usually taking something away or withholding a 'treat' and i get him to say sorry and we hug (a la supernanny ) which does work but why does he do it??? I have a 10yo dd and she never did this stuff. Changing his nappy is a nightmare and I have found myself losing the plot over this one. Any tips/words of comfort/advice etc????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mouseman · 02/11/2008 22:24

watching this one with great interest!

SlartyBartFast · 02/11/2008 22:24

sounds very familiar
is he attention seeking?
perhaps he is super bright?
like my ds?

Original poster

cruisemum1 · 02/11/2008 22:25

ah! you have one too eh? challenging aren't they? what age is your lo?

OP posts:

SlartyBartFast · 02/11/2008 22:25

i am sure someone else will advise, but how aabout ignore the bad, praise the good for starters

Original poster

cruisemum1 · 02/11/2008 22:26

hi slarty, i do do the ignore/praise thing. But i can be playing with him giving him full attention and he will suddenly swipe the table top contents on to the floor! I guess my games are too dull for my superbright minigenius

OP posts:

Original poster

cruisemum1 · 02/11/2008 22:26

OP posts:

mouseman · 02/11/2008 22:28

ds is 2yrs 8mths and can be so sweet but can do such awful things - weapon of mass destruction. We also have a dd who was never like this and most days I am at my wits end.

SlartyBartFast · 02/11/2008 22:28

i spect so

Original poster

cruisemum1 · 02/11/2008 22:32

mouseman/SBF I am off to bed soon before tomorrow's onslaught . Agree with the W of MD title! we call ours a one man demolition squad! . He seems to absolutely know when he is doing it - that is what puzzles me - WHY???!!! !

OP posts:

SlartyBartFast · 02/11/2008 22:35

is he bored?
does he go to playgroup?

bookswapper · 02/11/2008 22:36

sounds familiar too....and perfectly normal behaviour - a spiral is good!

I think they do it because they are in a secure loving environment and they want to find out what happens if they push the boundaries a little. I have also noticed my little boy watching the scary bits of films like Nemo and happy Feet more and more...it is out of his comfort zone and he is exploring how it feels...does that amateur child analysis make any sense?

I ignore the bad, praise the good...

that gives mummy a sad face, what gives mummy a happy face?

You are not being a sensible boy...

I have in extremis resorted to choc button bribery but I'm not proud of that

Original poster

cruisemum1 · 03/11/2008 07:46

SBF - he shouldn't be bored. We go to m & t twice a week, library once a week for singing. Shopping etc. usual daily stuff. Plus a sister who is fun to play with. I think it is more likely to be the pushing boundaries thing as per bookswapper. Hoping he grows out of it¬! Mind yhou, he is being an angel so far this morning

OP posts:

AbbeyA · 03/11/2008 07:57

I agree, he is testing the boundries. All DCs are different, some don't feel the need but others will continually test. I would give him plenty of attention when he is is being good and be consistent in stopping the behaviour that you don't like. Don't label him as 'naughty'-or he may do his best to live up to it!

mankymummy · 03/11/2008 08:04

ooh you could have been describing my DS at 2...

they're all different but for my DS, ignoring him worked. So if he does something naughty, say... "thats not nice DS is it? (take plate away or whatever he's done) and then walk into another room. If he tries to talk to you just say, "Im waiting for you to say sorry" until he does.

re. the nappy changing thing... I would say, "i need to change your nappy, im going to count to 5 and i need you to lay down and have it changed nicely." If he refused, I would just sit by the nappy changing mat until he came over, not saying anything to him except, "i need to change your nappy first", and not playing with him until he had had it done.

As for why they do it? Well, at this age they are beginning to realise they can influence their environment and become very willful. They dont have a sense of empathy at this point, so saying things like you are making mummy sad will affect in the short term but they wont long term link their repeated actions to making mummy sad.

Original poster

cruisemum1 · 03/11/2008 11:21

mankymummy thanks for good sound advice. Today and M and T's he tipped an entire jug of water intended for all children over the floor. He seemd quite pleased with himself - I was not!

OP posts:

mankymummy · 03/11/2008 11:45

oops. thats embarrassing.

i just remember the other thing i used to do was to say things like, "isnt x a lovely little boy, he does such and such, has his nappy changed like a good boy etc. I bet all the other children want to play with him because he's such a good boy" (this said randomly, not when he's being naughty.)

when he had a day of hitting the other kids at the nursery i was so cross i sat down with him and told him that if he hit other children they wouldnt want to play with him and be his friend and so he wouldnt be able to go to nursery anymore. i felt really mean saying it but he has never hit another child again.

SmugColditz · 03/11/2008 11:50

1 - take dinner away and don't replace.
2 - put pends out of reach
3 - put pens out of reach
4 - Take things away that he throws
5 - put lids on his drinks and give him plenty of waterplay time.

I'm sure he does have excellent speech and is bright and sharp, but he's still only two. he can't control his bladder yet, don't expect him to control all his behavior and emotions.

MsSparkle · 03/11/2008 12:01

Mine is the same age so i know how hard it can be. It sounds like your ds is testing you to see how far he can push the limits. I would say whatever you do, don't give in and stick to your guns.

When he up-ends his dinner plate don't give him anything else. Mine just went through a phase of not eating dinner at all and so she went hungry many a tea time. I know it sounds harsh but i think it's the only way they will learn that naughty behaviour such as throwing dinner away and demanding other food is not rewarded or given into.

Hide all pens too! Just don't even have them in sight and try to have colouring sessions that you can supervise so he learns pens are for colouring on paper and can be fun that way and that they are not for the walls.

It doesn't work for everybody but i put mine on a naughty step.

deaconblue · 03/11/2008 12:06

because 2 year olds are barking mad...
Just have a quick search under my name for the zillions of nutty things my 2 1/2 year old ds thinks is ok behaviour. Exhausting, often demoralising, but I keep saying to myself "it's only a phase"

Eniddo · 03/11/2008 12:12

lol at thread title

alert the media

Eilatan · 03/11/2008 12:20

Reading this is such a relief. My 16 month old is also a WMD! He goes to nursery 8 to 2 daily as I work but it doesn't wear him out. (Am off sick today with a hellish stomach bug). He's up at half five and on the go till 9pm. (Oh yes, I've tried ALL the bedtime strategies!)

He just cheerfully walks past DVDs, books, CDs and sweeps the lot off the shelf. In a tiny 'starter' home I can't get everything out of reach! In any case I thought the idea was that I should be able to ask him not too. So, I spend my life going: "James, NO!!" In what I fondly imagine is a very firm super nannyish voice.

I used to work with big, scary hooded teenagers in an inner city school and have 30 of them acting out scenes from Much Ado About Nothing like little lambs. Now I can't 'control'(ha!) one little toddler!

On Saturday, I stupidly turned my back for TEN seconds to make the bed (I mean drag the duvet over, covering up the creases and biscuit crumbs). "MUM!" he announced brightly and then "DAVE!" (we've no idea who Dave is, he just shouts it a lot and it usually portends some horrible event!) and I turned to see him, all his clothes, his change mat, his hair, the carpet and EVERYTHING covered in sudocream.

He then proceded to cover the chocolate brown duvet (Tesco Value Finest) in little white hand prints. I blame the nursery, teaching hand painting! Down with creative expression!

I wouldn't mind but I changed the duvet cover on Wednesday, it being nearly Halloween and all, it was going to last till Christmas Eve clean up (with care!)

His dad took him off to nursery this AM (after he'd emptied all the kitchen cupboards and walked round with a sieve on his head - the toddler that is, his dad prefers the wok....) and I swear either we've got a problem with subsidance or the house sighed with relief.

And who's to blame? Well me of course! I created him, breed him and trained him! Just call me Mary...Shelley.

daisydora · 03/11/2008 12:23

cruisemum - I remember you from the 'sleep is for the weak' thread another lifetime ago!!! My lo is 2.2yr and I swear she is deliberately naughty, but just for me. The other day she pushed her 18 mth old cousin over (on purpose) looked at my and said 'sorry' before I'd even had chance to say anything. No advice just that I think they are just testing their boundaries (i feel this may go on for the next 16 yrs though....)

She is an ideal toddler according to nursery and can be so sweet but can be a devil with me at times. I keep telling myself its a phase but am trying to stop myself calling her 'naughty' as am worried she will get a complex!!!!!

Eilatan · 03/11/2008 12:34

I was just about to ask if people thought that boys were 'worse'!

Got to admit, as a mum of a boy, I'm ever so slightly proud of his spirit. If that makes any sense at all!

The only thing that works for my little love is to get the bugger OUT - as much as possible!

juuule · 03/11/2008 13:17

Do you think he might be trying things out in a 'if I do this, what will happen?' sort of way? And I don't mean wondering what mum will do. I mean wondering what noise all that water will make when he tips it up or how big a splash it will make.

Up-ending his dinner plate. If he didn't like his dinner and wanted something else but hasn't the social skills to do anything but tip the dinner he doesn't want. Talk to him and let him know other ways of letting his feelings be known.

Giant green spiral and circles on the wall. Perhaps he likes the feel of the pen on his tummy or just likes the feeling drawing in circular movements makes. Obviously talk to him about the right place to do the drawing and give him some paper. Put his circles etc up on the wall. Might not work for the tummy drawing. It took a while for us to stop our dd drawing on her legs because she liked it. She got bored in the end, though.

Same with throwing stuff - is it cause and effect experiments? Again talk to him to let him know why not to do it.

Sunshine78 · 03/11/2008 13:47

I am so glad my dd of 2 is not the only one out of control in the last week she has decided if older brother doesn't do as she wants she will bite him! If I remove her from the room she thinks its funny. Am dreading picking her up from nursery later as I'm sure she will have done something to one of the other dc

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