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Manners in a 3 year old..........dd's leaving a lot to be desired!!!

5 replies

mammabelleboo · 29/10/2008 13:03

Just wondering what you all do if your dcs the same as mine

My dd is 3. Sometimes she is sociable, sometimes not - she is a bit unpredictable. She is not one of those children that you can label as being outgoing or introverted and I've yet to make up my mind which way she is heading. Sometimes she can be shy, sometimes she loves the attention. She dosn't mix well at playgroup - when I'm there, she wants me. But am told she is fine at nursery. She enjoys the company of my friends' children - 1 in particular, but I wouldn't say she has a real best friend yet. On the whole when she plays with these kids she is Ok - but she can be possessive of her things and throw a strop if the playmate has something she wants or does something she dosn't seem to like.

What worries me is that she will often tell both playmates and their mums (& sometimes family members too) to "Go away" or "I want you to go home now" . I find this soo embarassing and am not sure how I should react when she says these things. I generally say something along the lines of "That's not a very nice thing to say, so and so will go home when they are ready, not when you say." and then get her to apologise. It really gets to me -it's totally stupid as how can you take offence at a 3 yr old, but I really feel for the person she's directed the comment to - it's almost like an irrational part of me would be upset if she said that to me.

How would you deal with this. Is she anti-social, should she have a best friend by now? Maybe she's shy and when she's had enough of people she wants them to go - I was painfully shy as a child. How can I deal with this? Thanks. (Sorry it's a bit long)!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LynetteScavo · 29/10/2008 13:11

She not anti-social, she sounds perfectly normal and rational to me. I quite often want to tell people to go home when Iv'e had enough of them,but I'm 36, and have learned that it's not polite. Your DD is three, and still learning.

DS used to tell people to go home when he was 2/3. He would get crosser and crosser untill they left.

DD is three, and while she is friendly with other little girls and nursery/toddler group/ the school gates - she certainly doesn'f have a best friend.

I dont' think you need to lable her as unsociable or sociable. She's just more comfortablve in some situations than others.

Everything you've said about your DD sounds like a typical 3yo girl to me.

I think it's quite normal for her to cling to you if you are at playgroup, but to just get on with things if you are not around.

Othersideofthechannel · 29/10/2008 13:13

I don't think she is anti-social.

3 is too young to have picked a best friend.

I think she just needs some time alone and hasn't yet learnt a socially graceful way of expressing her needs - which is quite normal at her age.

Othersideofthechannel · 29/10/2008 13:15

Perhaps when she says 'I want you to go home now' you could say to her 'It's not time for xx to go now but if you need some time alone you can play in your bedroom for a bit. I'll stay here with xxx because we invited them over and it's not polite to leave them all alone'

Anna8888 · 29/10/2008 13:16

All sounds normal.

Until quite recently my DD would ask of our visitors whether we could say goodbye now and wave them off with delirious enthusiasm.

3 is a little too young to have learnt all the social complexities of human interaction.

lilymolly · 29/10/2008 13:17

Totally normal sounds just like my dd.

Great @ playgroup unless I am there, when she clings to me.

Has no best friend and tbh prefers boys

Again will say similar things to adults including grandparents such as "i dont like you" "go away"

I tell her (exactly as you do) that is is rude and not to speak to people like that and to apologise.

She is still young, and developing social skills.

Try not to worry, sounds like you are raising a very happy and content little girl x

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