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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Argh, anyone else have a 10yr old that acts like a teen ??

23 replies

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 10:01

Dd1 is driving me nuts with her atitude towards me. I had words with her about it a few weeks ago and it has made no difference.

This morning it was her turn to feed the cat, so as usual, she kept saying she wouldn't do it, it shouldn't be her job etc etc, she has rights .

She eventually did it under huge protest.

Then I asked if her and dd2 would go and get dressed and go outside and clean the leaves and snow off the trampoline. We don't have a cover for it and i was worried about it rotting. Anyhow she goes out to do it and all is going well until I notice a pick pile of leaves stuck under the padding bit at the back.

I went out just to show them where it was as i wasn't sure they could see it from where they were, and dd1 starts giving me a mouthful about how it is fine and doesn't need anymore doing.

I go back in and let them carry on, and then a few minutes later I went out to empty the bin only to hear dd1 mouthing of to dd2 about me, something along the lines of 'if she wants it doing she should get off her arse and do it herself'.

I was fuming, and told her she was no longer allowed to go to see HSM 3 this afternoon.

I was then in that position where you need to carry out the punishment, but am thinking that I have already paid for her ticket and did really want to take her .

I have no told her that she can win her ticket back if her room is tidy (it is a pigsty) by the time we have to leave (roughly 12:30).
Fair ??

Anyone else have a 10yr old like this ?? She is 11 in a couple of weeks and I am thinking that if thingscarry on as they are, she will be moving out by the time she is 12

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Original poster

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 10:10

Do you all have angelic 10 yr olds then ?? How ?

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NotBigNotClever · 29/10/2008 10:13

Short answer: yes, I have one of those. It is a blinking swizz. I thought I had at least another 2.5 years (she was only 10 in July) of relative peace to look forward to. Then the hormones just kicked in and off she went... aaaargh! As regards going to HSM3, I would go for trying to negotiate via the tidying her room thing. Gives her a face-saving get-out clause.

NotBigNotClever · 29/10/2008 10:14

ps: Her brother is 3 and some of her behaviour makes him look really reasonable.

Original poster

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 10:16

Ys thats what I was thinking, give her a way to earn it back.

She is however currently singing on her karaoke machine and not tidying her room.

I just keep thinking that she is only going to get worse isn't she ??

She seems to have put herself up on some sort of pedestall whereby she thinks she is better than everyone else and so doesn't have to do anything that she doesn't want to, whilst swanning around getting everything done for her.

Fuck me, she thinks she is Paris Hilton doesn't she ?

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NotBigNotClever · 29/10/2008 10:19

Ah well, your dd1 and my dd can share the pink sparkly tiara of shame between them. (Not that THEY see anything shameful about it, of course).

smartiejake · 29/10/2008 10:19

No not angelic by any means but this kind of behaviour needs stamping on. It's all very well blaming hormones and I am all for ignoring the little things and picking my battles carefully but I would not stand for this.

How did she react when you said she wasn't going to the cinema? If she was very contrite and took you seriously then the winning back thing might be appropriate but perhaps with no sweets, popcorn and drinks. The room would have to be totally pristine and involve dusting and vaccuuming too.

If she didn't take you seriously then I would bite the bullet and give away the tickets.

I have made threats like this to my dd when she was 10 and getting very lippy. I carried them out (yes we had bought cinema tickets in advance and offered them to a friend.) She was very upset but the behaviour improved immediately.

NotBigNotClever · 29/10/2008 10:23

Agree with smartiejake, actually. I have to say I am a very fierce old bag. But it is very tiresome having to constantly stamp on all the unreasonable behaviour. Not least because her behaviour is so unpredictable and I never feel I can relax these days.

Original poster

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 10:24

When I said she couldn't go, she was upset, but also had an air of 'you can't do that' about her too.

I have told her that I expect the room cleaned to my standards and not hers, and this is actually a b igger punishment than it seems, as I had planned to help her clear her room out in the next few days, but now she is doing it herself.

I am taking her and her sister clothes shopping on Friday which I know will be a nightmare as we will have a disagreement before we even get off the bus.

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Original poster

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 10:25

Oh don't worry, I am a fierce old bag too the majority of the time, and if they are grounded, tv banned or whatever, then I do stick to it.

It is just that the HSM thing has been planned for ages and I will feel guilty even though I shouldn't.

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smartiejake · 29/10/2008 10:32

Even more reason to stick to your guns. Yes there will be a tantrum but she will be swiftly knocked off her pedastal when she realises you mean what you say.

NotBigNotClever · 29/10/2008 10:33

Do not feel guilty! Remember her behaviour is her choice: she can choose to do the right thing and win back her privilege!

Original poster

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 10:34

Oh she definatly will not be going if her room isn't done, and i will be ringing dd2's friend and offering her the ticket.

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Original poster

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 10:34

I think she has now made a start as I can hear lots of thumping and dragging of things across the floor.

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smartiejake · 29/10/2008 10:51

Do not, repeat DO NOT go and help her!

Make a cuppa, find a biscuit and put on some loud music to drown out the banging.

Original poster

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 11:13

LOL

Have just been and had a peek. She has everything out and seems to be chucking lots away.

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Original poster

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 11:49

I hear the vacuum. I think I might faint.

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christywhisty · 29/10/2008 12:24

My DD is just like that, she turned 11 last month. I went to parents evening and her teacher was raving what a wonderful girl she is and that she was such a credit to DH and me

Yet this morning told her that i wanted her clothes tidied, I got a rant on why she wouldn't do it because it wasn't her fault, etc etc etc.
She is much harder work that DS who is a teen!

christywhisty · 29/10/2008 12:24

My DD is just like that, she turned 11 last month. I went to parents evening and her teacher was raving what a wonderful girl she is and that she was such a credit to DH and me

Yet this morning told her that i wanted her clothes tidied, I got a rant on why she wouldn't do it because it wasn't her fault, etc etc etc.
She is much harder work that DS who is a teen!

smartiejake · 29/10/2008 12:27

What makes me {with steam coming out of my ears] is the hours I spend ironing her clothes, only to find the neat pile I have given her to put away in a crumpled heap in the corner of her room.

It's nearly 12.30 IB- did she make it?

Original poster

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 20:09

She made it, just.

Film was good too

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Original poster

IllegallyBrunette · 29/10/2008 20:10

Christy that is exactly like dd1, all of her teachers and friends think she is so fabulous, but at home she can be vile.

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NotBigNotClever · 29/10/2008 20:27

Glad to hear it all went well! Actually, I think the "school angel/home devil" setup is healthy. Horribly annoying for the parents, but healthy. It's the ones who are completely vile at school and at other people's houses, but who are apparently angelic and never put a foot wrong at home that really need worrying about (came across some of these when I was a teacher). Obviously, I forget this when I have had a bad day with Stropperella

christywhisty · 29/10/2008 21:23

I always think that as well NBNC.
As long as she knows how to behave when it matters, then we are obviously doing something right. Also I think it must be pretty hard work being good all day at school, if they can't let off steam at home where can they.

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