15 month old dd is driving me crazy and making me sad

[ilovetochat]

everything is a battle, getting dressed this morning took half an hour as she had to fight with me over every item of clothing and has taken to running off during nappy changes and physically ripping off nappy. She keeps pulling the wet clothes off the airer and then tantrums (throws herself on the floor and kicks) when i take the clothes off her. I talk to her and explain what we are doing and get her to help with jobs and then play again but she seems really naughty all of a sudden. She headbuts backwards when she doesn't want to be picked up and it's a fight to get her in the buggy or carseat. Other babies seem so placid compared to her. The worst thing is i am not enjoying her as much as i want to and today was looking forward to her naptime . She is an angel for dp when he gets home from work.

they always act sweet when out, they save the worst for us

I have to confess that after DS1 was born I felt like I had lost a limb when I went back to work. After DD it ws hard and I was sad. After DS2 I now feel like work is a bit of a break for me (and I teach 26 Reception children 2 days a week, so that is saying something!!)

I feel immense guilt about feelings that I have had about DS2. I had a really hard time after he was born and I am sure I was at the very least teetering on the edge of PND. I cannot get over the feeling that I let him down in the first few months because I spent some of the time wondering if I had done the right thing having a third. I thought as he got older he would get easier, but now he is still hard, but in a different way.

However, I do know in my heart this time will be pass. Trust me it is true that these days will fly by. I cannot believe that DS2 is in his second year of school. DD was an 'easy' baby, but challenged me more as she got older. I felt she didn't love me because she was so happy in her own company and hardly seemed to notice my absence if I wasn't there. yet now she is nearly 4 she tells me every day how much she loves me.

I'm not sure if I am expressing my point very clearly. What I am trying to say is...

1. don't feel bad about finding it tough/feeling sad these feelings are normal and IMO we are sold a rosy view of motherhood by society and then beat ourselves up when we can't match this unrealistic ideal.
2. Life with your DD will get easier I think children who have determination and seem to want to push the boundries find being this age very difficult becuae they find life frustrating

hi

my dd is nearly 16months and is similar to your dd, she has just started a new game where anytime I want to change her nappy she crawls really fast over to her walker then runs round the living room laughing herhead off as she knows I want to change her bum.

Also I work part time and when she is with my sister or exp she is so much better behaved, and at nighttime if she wakes with exp she does not cry for ages like she does with me.

I like to think the reason for this is because you can take out your frustrations and problems on the peole that you love most and are closests to as you know they will always be there for you.

We go through stages where she is real hard work for a few weeks then better again, hopefully things will soon improve for you.

Also I know how you feel about the baby groups as I am the same never really make any friends there myself, its abiut difficult to have a proper conversation as you are onlythere for a short time.

Also I know how you feel like a part of you is missing as I always feel like that without dd.

And the other day I took her to a park and she was climbing up the steps and going down the slide and running after birds (while holding my hand as cannot walk alone yet) and she was so tired after and happily got in the pram which she never usually does after th park...

there are some nice people at the groups and we did all go to softplay together one week but i tend to find in friendships i am the one who puts the effort in and organises things and people let me down so i am hanging back a bit with this new group of "friends" and seeing how it goes.
I think her personality helps her to learn and explore but it is trying.

Ilovetochat -

please don't take this the wrong way but from hard experience (my DS1) I think you are over estimating her.

She is still a baby really, a year ago she probably could barely sit up.

It is really common with your first to have high expectantions but at 15 months she won't get the we will do this ... and then, tbh my 3 year old barely does.

She may understand simple instructions such as get the toy or give it to mummy but not much more.

It is VERY hard, my DS2 16 months and constantly runs away from me and headbangs if I say no.

Best thing to do is ignore it as theya re learning what to do to get a response from you.

good luck

Tend to agree with everyone else. Also want to add that they probably give us such a hard time as they are trying to get some control over something. We tell them what to eat, what time to eat, what to wear, what time to go to bed, etc etc etc so they are maybe just trying to be a bit more independent.

you may be right, i don't know many kids, ie there is none in our family, so i don't always know what she should or shouldn't be able to do. i try to give her independence by asking her questions which she can reapond to so she chooses her snack by pointing. I love reading to her and stacking and counting etc but i think i don't really get the running round like a loon game but i suppose she does so i should let her do it within reason.