tantrums... **sigh** - don't want to get it wrong!

[potatofactory]

My dd is 18 months. Whenever ANYTHING goes wrong she throw herself around, and bashes her head on the floor, or on whatever surface is nearer - she has several bruises from the last couple of days, where I haven's managed to stop her. Everything (food, bath-time, etc.) has become a potential battlefield.

When she is not having a tantrum , she is exceptionally affectionate - very cuddly, etc.

What I really want to hear (apart from any red-hot tips) is that this is normal (ish). Two friends of mine said their children, although they may have hurt themselves accidentally during tantrums, did not bash their heads like my dd does.

anyone?

really good advice, cory - we were just getting there in our thinking. At first, we were reluctant to hug as it seemed like a reward, and my dd got more and more upset (obviously) but I think you're right - she just mustn't get the thing she wanted - she can have a cuddle as she's upset.

That would drive me mad bbpants!

I think the key is ignore the behaviour, if you need to move them for fear of injury pick them up facing away from you and do not hug them to you, simply move them from a dangerous place to a safe one (ie top of the stairs to bed room) and then carry on as if it is not happening. (I know how tough this is)you do not have to leave the area but you do have to make sure you do not make eye contact and that you appear unmoved by the behaviour.

When it is over give as many hugs as you like but before you do hold the child away from you slightly so you can make eye contact and say something like "of course we can cuddle now you have stopped that silly screaming/kicking/whatever then hug to your hearts content saying things like, well done for calming down yourself.

bbpants, is this your first? If so then I would steal myself for a few more of those looks. It doesn't matter what you do people always know better about your children (it is why these parenting sites work so well ). As long as you are happy that your choice then let the looks bounce of the nice thick skin you are probably starting to grow

It does drive me mad potatofactory, especially as one of the 'culprits' is my mother, who keeps telling me that I need to be firm with my DD as she's so strong willed!!

She is my first - I'm so transparent

Don't get me started on mothers' opinions on how their grandchildren are being raised - my mum once memorably described y parenting style as 'pandering'

God, I hope she's not right!!!!

Up until now, I've employed the approach of nodding along with my mother's advice, and then just doing my own thing!

very sensible

bb, I think you are doing it right. Smile, Nod, Ignore!

Hi iv'e got a nineteen month old who does the same. However he has started to calm down it started about a month ago that wherever he was told off from he would throw himself, bang his head and kick. I have an additional problem with him as he is profoundly deaf he wears a choclear implant (a high specification hearing aid whivh includes an internal part in his head) so worry about him damaging that internally and also he breaks his exteral part in this rage of emotions.

For the first few days i tried to console him and try to get him to calm down. But things started to escalate, so now as he starts i step away, stay close but look away and ignore, things have calmed down tremedously. But you will need to be consistent otherwise it wont be much use.

My daughter is 2 and has been head banging since 18 months and is getting much worse. We had health visitor in last week and she said to ignore so have been doing that but I think its making her worse but going to persevere. Also taking her to doctors tomorrow - v. worried as tantrums are so severe and very scary for her and myself and anything seems to trigger it off. Agree its hard to ignore but feel we have no choice now. I leave the room as I can't bear to watch her.

sasie - that's sounds dreadful - poor you. Does she wants a cuddle afterwards? Do you wait until she is calm before offering a cuddle? My DH was trying to distract my dd during a tantrum today, but I thought we should wait until it had subsided? It's such a nightmare trying to decide what to do.

bump