Gender Inapropriate toys - any advice gratefully received

[Moosmummie]

Hi I am a newbie here, but am desperate for some advice. My youngest son is nearly six and has always been far more keen on playing with girls toys than boys toys. He has a collection of Barbies and Princesses as we have always gone with the flow - thinking he would grow out of it eventually. It hasn't realy been an issue until now as he is in Year One and happily tells kids at school about his Barbies and so on. He has been getting some serious teasing recently (that I only found out about this morning) and has been wetting the bed every night for two weeks (totally out of character). He has also been throwing tantrums on the way to school.

I went to see the teacher this morning and so she is aware of the problem (very good teacher), but I was just wondering if anyone else has a boy like this or is it just us?!

I also spoke to a child pyschologist this morning who reassured me that we are basically doing the right things. I would just like to chat to someone who has a similar child.

Sorry for the long post! and Thanks!

I went to collect my son from nursery the other day and he was dressed as a Disney princess . He loves all 'girly' toys, dressing up, drawing, dolls etc. His favouriote TV characters are Lola from Charlie & Lola, and Dora (he has pink Dora slippers ).

Likewise, my friend's 5 yr old daughter likes Thomas, bikes, playing cowboys etc - she has no interest in dolls etc.

My approach (and my friend's) has always been the same as you - I go with the flow, don't make a big deal of it and just accept it, really.

I'm really sorry to hear about the teasing . I guess because my son is that bit younger the other children are less aware of gender stereotyping and it's not an issue that he likes wearing pink, fluffy slippers. We have all that to come, presumably. How are the school dealing with it?

My dd is a huge dr who fan and has the boys pyjamas with him on because they don't do a girl version ,she also has the lunchbox and figures .

For xmas she would like lego ,a scaletrix and a pirate ship.

At this very moment she is sat in her pirate tent dressed as a policeman .

Whenever my 4 year old nephew comes to visit he loves playing with my other dd's barbie house whilst dressed as sleeping beauty .

Just let them get on with it and if anyone picks on my dd I just tell her it is a good thing that she uses her own mind to decide what she likes rather than been a sheep .

I agree its fine for boys to play with girls toys, but you don't want him being teased do you? I would explain to him that its best keep the barbie dolls a home only secret and try hard to get him interested in Star Wars! Obviously make sure he understands its fine for him to play with dolls etc., but it could get him teased by other boys.

Oh thanks for replying! He does love drawing and art (although mostly pics of princesses!) We do try and draw him away from dollies occasionally, but he really is obsessed lol. We bought dinosaurs (ignored) and even poor Ken gets left at the bottom of the toy box.

It's funny cos my oldest son is totally boyish - all guns and robots and pokemon. So maybe youngest is trying to be different!

I agree with upjacob'screek (great name btw) I really want him to be himself. OH thinks we should teach him to hide it - but I think why should he?! At least now I know he's having problems at school and I can keep an eye on it. They are very hot on anti bullying so now his teacher knows I am sure she'll keep an eye out too.

Thanks guys - I really appreciate you taking the time to reply )

I meant, "but that it could get him teased"

I would take the path of least resistance. It is so important for them to be happy at school and get on well with the other kids.

DS has had a BabyBorn doll since he was about 4, and plays with her regularly.

This has been Ok until now because his close school friends are not bothered by any reference to gender stereotyping. However, now in Yr 3 he has decided to keep Babyborn in the loft (the spare room) because one of his freinds mentioned it and everyone else laughed.

I think it's importnt to recognise that peer pressure over stereotyping will become an issue and to help them to decide whether to do thier own thing but with discretion 'because it's no on else's business', or to tough it out - and help them think of some arguments / responses - or else to quietly agree if they decide to fall in with the masses. But definitely to re-assure them that they have the right to play with what they want, and it is people who laugh who have the problem, and haven't got the imagination to think beyond what they see others doing.

I recently taught a little boy (he is about 5yo) who is very disinterested in boys toys. In fact, when I first met him I was not even sure if he was a boy or a girl. He loves dressing up as a princess, playing with dolls, barbies etc.

His mum lets him and up until now he has not been teased. I do think that as he gets older he will find it more difficult to fit in. He is very effeminate and I do think that he will have problems as he is so different. Even my 4yo DS noticed that he was different.

It is sad to think that boys who are more in tune with their feminine side have to hide that while girls are allowed to be tomboys, or the boys have to fight to be allowed to just be themselves.

I guess it depends on the child, some children are strong enough to confront any negative comments, some children are not. You have to help your son decide how he is going to reconcile his interests with the expetations of society.

My boys both have pushchairs and dollys.

I hate gender specific toys and really get anoyed when i see catalogues with little girls playing kitchen and cleaning and boys playing cars and tools.

My boys get the toys they ask for wether they are pink or blue or whatever. I just go with the flow.

This hit a raw nerve this morning as it's 'Wear Pink' day at our school. My 9-yr-old son was utterly enchanted by this and has gone in merrily in pink hat, pink fleece, pink socks and his sister's pink trainers. He was admiring himself in the mirror and said, 'You know, I still really really love pink [used to spend a lot of time in a pink fairy tutu!], I just have to pretend I don't at school.'

Sigh. He will no doubt be ripped to pieces by his 'friends' who will be grudgingly sporting a pink badge or something. But he looked so, so happy before he set off.

Has to be said, he is very 'in touch with his feminine side' and sticks out rather in his sporty, rugby-playing peer group. All the Barbies, Polly Pockets and fluffy bunnies are his sister's, though. Honest. Can't think how they ended up in MY bed, mummy...

One of DS's friends was more interested in barbies etc and when he came round to play, he and DS used to raid DD's dressing up box and her hair clips. He used to say to DS "Do your want to go for style or fashion?"
He is a talented dancer as well and by the time he left primary most of his friends were girls.
I never ever heard that he was teased or bullied.

My little boy LOVES pushchairs and baby dolls atm. Though he also adores cars so go figure.
To be honest, I think this whole "gender appropriate" thing is totally outdated and rubbish. Let the kid play with what they want!

Dunno what to do about the teasing. Teaching him to pretend to be someone else doesn't sit easy with me... people shouldn't NEED to lie or pretend. Girls are allowed to like trucks and action man but boys can't like dolls.. There's still some strange stigma attached to it which is total crap.

You could perhaps talk to the teacher about tackling the problem by trying to foster acceptance and understanding in the entire class? Something along the lines of "this is not a girl's toy, it's just a toy" etc etc.
I dunno.

Meanwhile, all you can really do is reassure him that he's not abnormal and he should be who he wants to be, not who the other kids think he should be. What do they know anyway?

I'll let my kids play with whatever sort of toy they want really. Dolly? sure why not.. toy car? ok fine. Kitchen set? fantastic!

heh.

I really feel for you Puss - we had a similar situation on Book Day. DS realy wanted to go as Alice / Princess etc. We compromised in the end on an (exorbitantly expensive!) Prince Charming outfit. This has since been customised by DS into a furry dress with flowery belt LOL

I spoke to a child psychologist this morning - just to reasure myself we were doing the right things. She said as long as we keep the communication going- to let him be who he likes. Obviously he will eventually have to work it out for himself. It's just so hard though sending them off to school to be teased

The teacher was really really good though and had a quiet word with the worst offender who went up to DS and said sorry.

It's lovely to hear your stories though!