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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Tantrum Hell! is it Ok that it starts at 19 months??

25 replies

witchymum · 22/10/2008 20:35

My Lo is killing me with his Most Terrible Trantrums! My god he is terrible and its realy stressing me. Tonight he was overtired after having a friend around and he spend at least 40mins fighting and screaming and I'm beginning t wonder if thats normal??
40mins?
its not the first time and that was short compared to his last one, which ended in me asking the doctor at a appointment if he was having reactions to Calpol, stupid I know! does anybody have experience of these long trantrums too?

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BlueBumedFly · 22/10/2008 20:39

Ohhhhhhh-yes

Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 20:41

Well I'm glad I am not alone. I am AMAZED by his stamina

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MmeTussaudsChmberOfChocHobnobs · 22/10/2008 20:44

Yes, yes, yes. My DS is stubborn as a mule, always has been and I suspect always will be. He would have a tantrum then gurn for ages afterwards, until he was so exhausted that he fell asleep.

How do you react when he has a tantrum? I found DS calmed down quicker when I left him alone.

Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 20:53

I stayed with him and sang whilst he screamed NO MUMMY so I stopped. Then he rolled about and kicked stuff for while.
I found it was better if I didn't try touch him but thats hard to take..felt sad about it

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Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 20:54

The thing is if you let them scream for a long time it sometimes makes them sick or gag and that makes me panic

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fairylights · 22/10/2008 20:57

we are really going thru this with ds at the moment and he is 23 mo but started a couple of months ago - yes its awful and i know what you mean about it making you sad when he doesn't want a cuddle.
but its just a phase, right?! thats what i keep telling myself..just dread to think how long the phase will last..
and yes, leaving him alone definitely gets the tantrum over with a bit quicker (althoug they are still loooong!).

MmeTussaudsChmberOfChocHobnobs · 22/10/2008 20:58

I know it is hard, but he is just frustrated that he is not getting what he wants (and I don't mean that it is a deliberate act, just that he is unable to articulate what the problem is and sort it out). Do not take it personally, it is a normal part of his development and something that all parents have to cope with.

The best thing that I found, was telling him that I know that he is upset/sad/angry and that he could have a little while to get it out of his system and then walking away. He would scream and shout for a while then come crawling over, often still sobbing, and collapse in a heap on my knee. The more I talked to him the worse it got.

He is now 4yo and the time out thing still works, not as a punishment, just to give him time to sort his feelings out.

He is still stubborn though.

fairylights · 22/10/2008 21:00

sorry x-posts - about them being sick/gagging - i had a friend here who is a psychologist who works with troubled kids (made me feel better that she thinks ds is normal!) and she said what i have noticed: there a certain points in a tantrum where the child is ready to be hugged and consoled and this may calm them, but then they hype themselves back up again if not consoled. So if ds is tantrumming i try to stay where i can hear him so if he goes quiet for a minute i will attempt to go and hug him.. but i am usually too late! Ah well..

MmeTussaudsChmberOfChocHobnobs · 22/10/2008 21:00

Xpost. Hmm, that is a bit difficult if he cries till he is sick. Could you go back and forward to him, giving him a couple of minutes alone then letting him know that you are still there and ready to comfort him? At that age I did not leave the room, I just sat nearby and waited for the rage to pass.

Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 21:07

Yes Im there till it passes, but its quite an awesome rage he has, think its prob best to not try cuddle him as he attacks me, and it this case its a bedtime rage so if I pick him up he stops because he think Well I'm off into mums bed now.

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Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 21:08

he is being horrible to his dad too atm Idon't know if thats part and parcel?

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FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/10/2008 21:09

Oh yes, although tis passing now a year on and she can make herself understood.

Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 21:10

when does it stop?

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Babysick · 22/10/2008 21:19

my ds started tantrums at around 16 months, but calmed down a lot once his language improved (is now nearly 3). A lot of it was frustration about being understood I think. He can still kick off, though!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/10/2008 21:20

Now she just tantrums when tired, she ispretty godd most of the time and understnads no

fairylights · 22/10/2008 21:24

just wanted to say Witchy that my ds has also been horrible to my dh for months - things are improving a bit on that front but he can still be really mean.. its horrible and exhausting isn't it?

Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 21:30

Yes! and my DH asks ME why he is being horrible like I know??

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Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 21:31

'understands no' is a good thing but as he gets older he is testing that theory

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FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/10/2008 21:32

Oh yes she is definitely testing that theory but gives in a bit quicker as she weighs up the options

Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 21:33

Do you u all think sons are more Possessive of their mums?

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Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 21:35

because my son seems to get more annoyed when dad comes on the scene sometimes, and his trantrums get worse when he sees he because he knows my attention is divided

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Original poster

witchymum · 22/10/2008 21:36

I think its strange but they do say sons are more work when they are small but easier than girls when they get to teenage?
This is the theory anyway!

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fairylights · 22/10/2008 21:40

yes i do wonder if boys are more posessive of their mums.. i certainly have friends who have little girls who are the same with their daddies.. and yes my ds is also a LOT worse when my dh is around, although it is beginning to get better

MmeTussaudsChmberOfChocHobnobs · 23/10/2008 08:27

Witchymum
My DS got better as he got older, the better he could communicate the less tantrums we had. How is your DS's speech, can he make himself understood? Do you know why he is having a tantrum?

nappyzonehasastroppytoddler · 23/10/2008 21:32

my ds is 23 months and over last two weeks has managed 40 mins first thing on a morning as he gets up or just after i pick him up form nursery and try to cook tea - i changed tack a bit with the teatime one and set him of playing before i started tea, with the morning we tried distraction and when he wouoldnt settle i was advised to ignore and so to remove his audience - things have improved a wee bit but he has suprised me with his stamina as my dd was an angel in comparison.

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