Can anyone help with hairwashing phobia??

[skewputt]

DD (nearly 4) is terrified of getting her hair washed, or her face/ ears wet at all. I think this stems from a couple of years ago when she was getting her hair washed in the bath with the showerhead and the pipe pushed the tap round so that the water suddenly became hotter - she wasn't burned but it gave her a fright. Although she has always been unhappy about having her hair washed well before that point, it's now got to the stage where as soon as I (gently) suggest it she starts practically hyperventilating and it's making us both miserable.

I try to attempt it as infrequently as possible but she's so grubby and constantly getting food in her hair. I've tried everything - encouraging her to do it herself, putting a facecloth over her eyes, using a sponge or cup to rinse, making it into a game, bribing her with sparkly hair clasps but I'm getting nowhere, she always ends up panicking. Any advice gratefully received!!

know what you mean, skewputt! like so many things in life

I have one of those jug things Scrappydoo mentions, and it's useless. The blurb says the flexible edge forms a watertight seal around the forehead - PAH! Only if you've got a funny shaped head, maybe.

DD just screams when she sees the jug now. It's quite sad, really - all her little pathetic attempts to appease me and make me stop washing her hair (we do it once a week - couldn't stand it any more often).

Aw sorry just saw it advertised and wondered if it might help...

I've just read a book called 'How to talk so children listen and how to listen so children talk'(Faber and Mazlish). Have you read it? I really liked the approach. I'm struggling with how to apply some of the techniques with my own child DS almost 2, but I'll give it a shot with yours!
Have you asked her how she thinks you can solve the problem? The book suggests presenting the problem as you see it eg 'I can tell you get really frightened when you have to wash your hair but it gets a bit smelly if it's not washed at all. I'd like to think how we can solve the problem so you're not so frighened, but your hair is clean. I'm going to write down all the ideas'. Blah blah ... something like that. Then, writing down all the solutions (yours and hers) without comment, then going through the list and picking the ones you can both live with. Eg, she might say the solution is 'never wash hair' but you would probably say at the end that you can't live with that solution because her hair will smell and it will bother other people's noses! At least it would give you the option of presenting all the ideas you've been given here and her picking what will suit best. (Who knows if it'll work! I haven't got that far with DS yet - not quite up to high-level reasoning yet, despite my best efforts!)

I've done that sort of thing with ds - it did work a little bit as he at least understands why it has to be washed and he gets to choose which of flannel, goggles and visor thing we use.
He cries a bit less but still does freak out while it's actually happening. Certainly agree it's worth a try though!

you can buy ear foam plugs for children in boots have you thought of using a spray bottle where you softly spray water mixed with shampoo onto their hair, also try using a nautural shampoo with no laureth sulfates in it like jason's kids shampoo or neal's yard product, as chemicals can iritate skin in ordinary childrens shampoos.

Is it shampooing or just water on/near face? I wouldn't bother with the shampoo at least to start with as even no tears can sting. Could you try her in a shower with some bath toys to play with as a distraction?

I also second the idea of a small amount of water in the bath not even covering her ears and rinsing the hair like that, this works for my DD as you do not get water on the face and only a little gets poured over the ears. Get her to tip her head to get any water out of her ears after.

HTH