The modern tomboy - who is she, what does she like (and hate) to do?

[scoobysnax]

My 3.5 year old was described by a friend as a tomboy this week!
There is probably an element of truth here but it made me think, does such a thing still exist, do any of you mumsnetters reckon you have one, and what do they like (and hate!) to do?

scoobysnax, I was a tomboy (many many many moons ago), but my mother says that although she gave dolls and trucks to both me and my brother (it was Berkeley in the 60's), I traded all my trucks for all his dolls. My stepdaughter (10) is the opposite of a tomboy. she loves shoes, clothes, pink, frilly, dolls etc. At the same age I was climbing trees and loyally attached to a very worn pair of blue jeans and an old t-shirt. Trainers were my preferred shoe.

With 2 elder brothers, I was inevitabley a tom boy. My Sindy dolls wore actiona man clothes and had short hair and they drove an action man tank rather than a pink convertible. Much to my mother's disappointment, I refused to wear girly dresses once I was able to express an opinion, prefering hand-me-downs from my elder brothers!

I only have DSs so I've not got a potential tomboy but there are distinctly different personalities in DS1s 4yo female peers from delicate girly girls to, um, 'strong willed, feisty' ones.

My dd is passionate about trains and loves to play with dinosaurs and toy creepy crawlies and bats...
She often wears ultra girlie dresses, but only because she doesn't care or notice what she wears!

Someone told me yesterday that my dd (14months) was more like a little boy because of how active she is. Admittedly she is already climbing on chairs to reach high shelves (time to rethink the childproofing...), but I was surprised that some people still categorise so early on the basis of physical activity. I was a tomboy myself, and proud of it, so am intrigued to see how dd turns out. In my "gang" at primary school we all took boys' names - Susannah was Sam, Fiona was Fred for example, and even went around beating our chests to prevent the development of boobs. In my case this was a little too successful!

I believe all girls are tomboys until their mums, grans, aunties, etc. turn them into girlies by buying them pretty clothes, hair accessories etc. and telling them: "Girls don't do that!" "Don't get your clothers dirty!" etc.
My two year old has dozens of dresses (bought by those keen to turn her into a girlie), never worn! - except for one last Christmas (her gran begged me to put it on her), which my daughter hated to wear, as trousers are much more comfortable and practical!

I think you either have a girlie girl or you don't, I really do not think you can make them like wearing dresses etc. My dd is very girly, and at around 3 she would not wear anything but a dress or skirt - the leggings and jeans I bought for her (as I thought they would be practical) she would not wear. However, she goes to school with a girl who is the complete opposite, she will not wear a skirt, will not wear pretty trousers, only plain jeans or boys school trousers, even in the school's Christmas performance (her class were dancing) she had a boys part - her Mum despairs but nothing will change her.

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Sorry robinw, I disagree, dd was often dressed in blue - alot of hand me downs from ds but come 3 she hated trousers - I was always a tomboy and loved to climb trees and be out in wellies and filthy - dd can spend the day in the garden (in pink sparkly wellies) she will have a great time but she will come in completely clean - no idea how she does it!! She loves to prance about in jewellery and dress up etc. As a result of who she is we treat her differently to ds but all children are individual and I think you should treat them all differently. Dd has always had access to cars, action men, footballs etc. but she is just not interested - I used to love them!! Not sure where I got her from really.

Slightly horrified to read this thread - there seems to be a lot of polarisation going on. I was a 'tomboy' I suppose, although would like to think I was a girl through and through who happened to like climbing trees and wearing trousers to do it. I also liked cuddly toys, dolls and arty things. Dd1 loves her pink My Little Pony and has a jewellery box full of pink plastic, but also loves playing football, climbing, running, chucking mud around in the garden and other so-called 'boyish' activities. I would hope that she grows up to be a rounded woman with interests from both sides of the spectrum.

She b**y hates Thomas the Tank Engine though.

That last is a measure of extremely good taste on dd's part, if you ask me, Enid.

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But if that were the case robinw, you'd think you'd see a reluctance on their part to wear pink glittery things wouldn't you? As if they felt it was something they ought to do rather than something they embrace wholeheartedly?

I like pink glitter in moderation. I liked the fact that I bought dd1 a glittery butterfly purse in the Monsoon sale shop and when I gave it to her she said 'Thanks mum, mmm thats lovely but can you hold it, it would be a bit silly to wear it on the climbing frame.' Anyway, we all like dressing up occasionally dont we?

What about boys?
BEFORE I had children I was convinced that the difference between girls and boys was down to the way they were brought up, the dressing in pink & blue & little girls not to get dirty. I refused to dress my DD in pink, or frills, or even dresses & she lived in blue dungarees. It's all tied up with my own childhood & I went through agonies of conscience to allow myself to put her in pink (which seems mad now). She had dolls, but she also had cars & lego. At primary school she refused to ever wear a dress- even for special occasions- I had to fight with her to keep her hair long & we had no end of problems with her determined to be a boy. My DH said it was my fault & I must say I thought so too.
My boys I dressed in pink as babies (handdowns from DD courtesy of granny!) & people often said what pretty girls they were! I gave them dolls, as well as cars, and tried to discourage "boyish" behaviour. I kept their hair long as well, until they were old enough to really complain (it helps that DH has a mop of long wild curls!).
As soon as they went to playgroup & mixed with boys who'd been brought up by traditional parents that all went out of the window. It seems that while it's OK to have a tomboy girl, other parents insist on having manly boys.
Now that they are 15, 13 & 11 their behaviour isn't extreme, as it was at 4. DS1 & DS3 have been taking ballet lessons for 5 years & don't mind people at school knowing. DS2 is into computers & shoot-up games. DS3 is far more feminine than DD ever was, loves soft toys, clothes & silky fabrics & is a real prima donna. They are all different.
DD went through a very girly phase once she started secondary school- again influenced by friends. Now at 17 she's into grunge & everything she wears is baggy & torn.
The nature/nurture debate has been going on for years, & will probably do so for many years to come. I think it's got to be a bit of both.