Controlling Toddler while holding the baby

[sasamax]

Help!
My 2 year old is getting more and more demanding and I cannot control him as I have a baby who will not let me put her down. I have to carry her all day long and she has to sleep in the sling. I have tried, tried and tried again to get her to sleep upstairs away from him but she completely refuses and if I try to lie her down when asleep she immediately wakes up. When he is shouting/throwing toys or generally being naughty I cannot control him as I cannot lift him to place on naughty step or anything. He continually wakes her when she is so cranky and exhausted as his antics have kept her awake until she finally dropped off.
Threatening to remove toys/ telling him no chocolate or whatever doesn't work. He knows I am trying to keep her asleep and does everything he can to wake her up. How can I use discipline which will be effective, while she is in the sling?

LOL weeamoomoo - I use milkybars. It only works in the afternoon at naptime - other times he is too active for it.
Can you not put baby down either?

OMG bohemianbint that cocoon swinging must KILL your arms.
I use toilet with sling too
Please don't sink - I feel a million times better now Iknow others are going through this too. It really is the pits and it has to pass. Some days I really worry about blood pressure but I am really worried that DS is the one suffering the most.
Changing nappies with sling is v annoying - what sling are you using? I use the hugabub which is great for long periods (is there any other length of period?) but when she's asleep and I try to lean forward to wipe, its v hard to stop her sleeping head lolling forward. I suppose we need to find coping strategies...

cbeebies is on a loop in our house! (my fave is big cook little cook cos at least theres a bit of cooking! i even had my 3 year old watching ready steady cook for a while cos it was similar!)

baby wont go down in her cot for a nap during day, but she will sit in her bouncy chair or lie on floor (shes 6 months). i would take her for walk in pram but have 2 year old who is having his nap!

if this was my first kid i'd be seriously freaking out at how little she sleeps during day. but if it was my first i wouldnt have the problem cos i would be able to take her out in pram for a sleep whenever i wanted. but with another 2 toddlers and crap weather its a bit restricting.

OMG 2 toddlers and an unputdownable baby. I have no idea how you are coping weeamoomoo

2 Toddlers?!!

We don't have a telly... but dd watches a LOT of DVDs and some cbeebies on iPlayer.

Yes, it is nice to know others are going through same thing - even the toilet with a sling on . Who ever thought going to the toilet alone would be such a luxury?!

Dd is potty trained, so I have lifting her on to the toilet with ds objecting in the sling, when out or the inevitable 'done a poo' and needing her bum wiped just when ds has fallen asleep on me. Ds pretty much sleeps on me or in sling (occasionally in bouncer or cot/hammock). We used to all sleep together at lunchtime but dd has now dropped her nap . At night he sleeps on me or next to me in bed - and sometimes even in cot (usually starts in his cot/hammock thing next to me). I get loads of sleep this way though, so am

I sank this/last week. I actually feel a bit better for having had a big old sob and collapse. And now, starting to feel a bit happier again... Got a good day ahead, dd goes to Drama class, all the other mums sit outside with our 2nd babies and chat, then we head to pub/cafe/nandos and chat some more. Highlight of our week!

Ummwaha: Enjoy your day - sounds like a good one - usually on a thurs DS goes to playgroup for 2 hours and me and the baby just chill - that's my weekly highlight (it was off this week though)

Yes lifting toddler with baby in sling kills your knees and arms and back and baby absolutely HATES it.
V v occasionally we all get a sleep together in the afternoon but DS doesn't always have a nap now and trying to synchronise them is a nightmare.
I agree that the only way to get some sleep is to have the baby in bed - in general I sleep pretty well as a result apart from last night when I only got 4 hours!!! Oh well - most nights are OK so can't really complain. (By OK I mean only around 4 or 5 wakenings but short ones)

A good old cry does help doesn't it?

Today I am trying 'ignoring' bad behaviour instead of giving rows - have tried it before but clearly rows are just making him louder and louder - he likes the attention I think. Will see how it goes. He is 'evacuating' today too (he has chronic constipation) so his mind will be on other things a bit I think.

That should have read 'ignoring bad behaviour' btw not 'ignoring' bad behaviour - oh you know what I mean

....it is not physically possible is the short answer! The longer answer is you start to put down the baby more, even just to play in the lounge so you can spend time with your toddler. It's simple jealousy. He wants your attention, but you are carrying around this whiney useless baby and so he reacts exactly when he knows he will get your 100% attention. ie when baby needs to sleep. I have exactly the same issue, which is much better now my baby can walk and be put on the mat. I try to really cuddle and spend time with the toddler now once the baby is asleep at night too.

Sorry, but I do feel for your LO.
Your LO has gone from having you 100% to what sounds like not a lot at the moment, or with babe in tow. Must be so hard for him to adjust.
I would start putting the baby down more and having some 1 on 1 with your LO.
The baby might even enjoy bouncy about in a chair watching mummy and sibbling playing together.

Sounds like you are doing a great job sasamax.

I also find school holidays the worst as all the groups are off so the toddler has even less things for them and even more time with me and baby!

I think your DS will find it a lot easier when DD is sitting up /crawling/generally more interactive with him. He probably finds it hard to understand her at the moment.

Keep doing what you're doing, you sound like a great mum.

Also meant to say I'm sure your baby will start to be more happy being put down when she can sit up and WANTs those toys, oh no I shouldn't mention though that that's when the toddler's cries will be "but that's MY toy"!!

You are not alone - I also could have written your post

I've a VERY needy, demanding, non-sleeping 4mth DD2 and a boisterous 23mth DD1.....it's interesting, which is polite for bl*ody knackering....

The only solution I've found is to fill our days with as many activities for the eldest as is possible. Plus I've discovered the joys of a door bouncer. I do let DD1 watch some Cbeebies but I also occassionally buy the magazine too - so we can try and talk about it rather than her just sit and stare at it!

I've had days where I've just balled crying as it seems never ending and that I'm just not doing a very good job at all. DD1 was very independant and stupidly I thought DD2 would be the same....Oooops - wrong!!

I've no real advice apart from to say it sounds to me as though you're a cracking job

mppaw, I'm sure sasamax has tried putting the baby down..... that's the problem with babies like these, they won't be put down or sit in any kind of chair for more than 5 minutes. She feels sorry for her ds too or else she wouldn't have started the thread wanting advice.

My ds cried even if I sat down with him, he had to be up and moving all the time so no bouncy chair/ play mat/ door bouncer entertained him and I couldn't bear to leave him crying. It didn't do any good leaving him, just stressed him and me out as he didn't stop!

Sounds like you're doing great. I can't imagine how difficult it must be going through this with a toddler too.

Thanks so much for all the great advice and support. Seems like there are a lot of babies out there wanting carried all the time, and I suppose why shouldn't they? It's really exhausting though.
I absolutely agree that the groups and activities (although requiring so much organisation and effort) are the only way forward. Need to look out the doorway bouncer too to see if that will entertain her for 5 mins.
Other than that - roll on the crawling and walking...
So glad to see so many others mums unable to tolerate the crying - we are all softies