Parents Eve tonight - if my DS1 (7) is so fantasic, why do I find him such hard work?

[sameagain]

He's a bright boy I know, top groups for everything and teacher says he's lovely to have in the class, as he's so friendly, calm,polite, interested, full of ideas .....Her only issue is that he's a bit of a dreamer so his written work doesn't always reflect his ability, so she's set him targets for the amount of work he needs to produce and he will have to stay in at break if not finished. She doesn't want to keep him in because "he's never ever naughty" Do you think she's got the wrong child?

He's not the devil child at home, but I do find him much more challenging than his brother - he answers back, needs to be asked everything a dozen times, is very noisy at inappropriate times, prone to tantrums and not at all interested in activities I suggest or his toys - just wants TV or computer (which I ration)....He obviously knows how to behave, why can't I get him to do it at home/when out in public with me?

because he saves all his worst behaviour for his parent(s) of course !

Because he feels "Safe" at home ot let out all his emotions.

Proves what a good Mum you are,and the fact he challenges you shows intelligence and an independent thinker.

didn't you know they change their heads when they go to collect their coats to come home

Better this way round sameagain

Well done to your ds

My dear, it's because you are doing the hard work that other people can find him fantastic. Straighten your shoulders, smug grin!

Ditto sameagain - ds1 is also 7 and the perfect child at school. At home he is like Kevin the teenager!

Thanks everyone - No idea if you're just being kind, but I'm more than happy to accept it's because I'm a brill mum Very frustrating though.

sameagain - ditto. my 7 y/o daughter is angel child at school, polite, well-behaved, motivated, inquisitive, gets star awards galore, got the class trophy in july.
at home - ARGH!! i also tell myself it's better this way round, which it truly is, but god it's frustrating. in the past i have sobbed on BEWILDERED teachers's shoulders - as they tried vainly to grasp what i was struggling with at home (mainly - tantrums, stroppiness, attitude)!
things better now but still - BIG divide between home and school personas. i think it's the holding in all day long of uncertainties/anxieties/frustrations - get them home and BAM, it all rains down on our heads sigh!

sameagain I think it's because you've must have my ds! He is exactly the same! He's driving me and dp mad at the moment and I have no idea what to do.

sameagain,and katiek123, my dd is exactly the same!! she is 6, and doing so well at school, which of course is brilliant, and i am proud of her, but at home..... omg, thats a whole different story!! she is just so difficult, and demanding, and im afraid to say drains me both emotionly (sp) and physically.
last night was really bad. i had her and her little brother [nearly 2] in the bath, and she was being mean and spiteful with the bath toys, she even pushed him over!!
i find myself shouting at her, nearly all the time, and getting cross.
i got very sad aboout this last night, and thought to myself, i hope when she is older she doesnt just remember a mum that only shouted!!
that would break my heart.
im glad however that i am not alone in feeling like this.
xx

matildax - of course you are not alone - check out the 'calling all mums with demanding kids' thread that's been running for weeks and meet more of us who STRUGGLE every day in this way!! there are many similar stories there and a lot of the mothers on it struggle with anxiety over their own reactions to their, er, challenging moments with their kids. it is v tough isn't it. i was quite pleased when my DD and i met her teacher in the pool last week by chance and the teacher therefore witnessed some less-than-angelic (to say the least!!) behaviour from DD - must have given her food for thought

Can I join you too? Dd is 7 in a couple of weeks, top of the class, brilliant reader and academically finds nothing a bother. She manipulates most situations to her benefit and lords it over her friends and her 2 little brothers. I find her quite challenging at home with her attitude and lack of respect, interestingly, up until now, she has been an angel at school, but her and her peers have all started a new prep school and the teacher has noticed that she can be unthoughtful and nasty to other dc if they are not as good at something as she is. I am mortified, naturally. So we have talked to her and explained that at her age she needs to have respect for other people and to think before she talks. It is working as we are being very tough on her when she doesn't think about what comes out of her mouth. Today (half term here) she has been fantastic all day so I have told her so. I think the key with these smart dc is to sit down and talk to them, explain the reasons why they can and can't do something and the consquences if they do. I don't want to crush her spirit, just reign it in

hey master - i liked your post a lot (i never did finish that book btw - should i?!) - v common-sensical. these bright but feisty kids do need a lot of thoughtful and firm input don't they?!