12-month-old won't eat, just started nursery

[cuppachar]

Hi. I wasn't sure which topic to put this under but I'm desperate for some help!

DD started nursery almost 4 weeks ago (3 days a week) and her appetite and temperament have changed dramatically for the worse. She caught a bug almost immediately after starting, which resulted in one evening of vomitting followed by over 3 weeks of bad cough and cold which seems to be almost gone now.

She ate quite well the first day at nursery but since then has hardly eaten a thing while there except fruit and a bit of milk (less than 5oz formula a day, plus I bf her morning and evening at home). At home she's the same, refusing even food she usually loves and hardly eating anything. Meanwhile she's sleeping loads at home but not much at nursery. She's also really clingy and cranky at home (although sounds OK at nursery), having previously been so good-natured and active. She only cheers up if I take her out of the house to the park or even just into the garden. I feel so sad and don't know what's due to illness and what's due to starting nursery. I'm so worried about her.

Any advice? What can I do?

I'm not sure but it sounds like she's probably still feeling a bit under the weather from her bug. My ds had a tummy bug recently and has ben utterly foul tempered until today actually. He was refusing food, even grapes which were his favourite. He cried and screamed for no reason, I had to take him out the house just for a change of scenery and to clear my head as much as anything!

Also, is she walking/ crawling yet? Just wondering if she's maybe a bit frustrated, my ds was very hard workk til he got walking. I'd maybe just keep offering her favourite foods and remember that she won't starve herself, when she's ready she'll eat but try not to get frustrated or worried about it around her as she'll get worse.

Try and relax about the food thing and keep changing the scenery for her.

Hi meandmyjoe, thanks for replying . I really hope you're right that's she's still feeling a bit unwell
DD is (usually) crawling and very active, but at the moment won't let me put her down on the floor without crying. I think not being able to communicate might be a bit frustrating for her though, as she can't talk at all yet but can understand more and more.

At the weekend we fed her outdoors a couple of times as the weather was so lovely, which seemed to help a bit, but that's obviously not possible most of the time as it's too cold / dark! If I put a bowl of food in front of her at home, she just screams and cries and gets herself so worked up. I just don't understand it.

Her weight gain had been slow for a while so I hate to think of her actually losing weight, which I'm sure she must be at the moment. And I'm worried she'll turn really fussy. I'm worrying about everything really!

Oh honestly luv a lot of the things you are describing are normal (to me at least!!) ! The food thing is very common at this age. My ds is 14 months and can still be like this now. I think it's an independance thing. They don't want to eat what you've given them and want to test the boundaries and take control. If you think about it they really have very little contol over things and are totally dpendant upon you which must annoy the hell out of them!

I wouldn't worry about her becoming a fussy eater, she really will eat when she's ready. Will she be spoon fed? My ds wouldn't and just screamed/ turned away from the spoon, I really just think it was a battle for independance as he spoon feeds himself fine now but won't let me anywhere near the spoon! I tend to just leave him to it. He eats when he wants and I can't control how much he has.

If you are worried about it then I would talk to you Health Visitor and get her weighed if needed. She may be able to give you tips on tempting foods that will fatten her up if she has lost a bit.

As for the crying when you put her down, again very common at this age. My ds was the clingiest, grumpiest lump I have ever met. I honestly wondered how he would ever develop as from birth he would hardly be put down ever, just wanted me to walk around with him and show him things. Needless to say he did develop normally and was walking fairly early. I think a lot of it could be down to separation anxiety which is totally normal at your dd's age. She has learned that you can and do leave her at nursery and is probably a little anxious as she now knows that she is a separate person to you which is making her anxious. She will learn that mummy always comes back and her confidence to explore on her own will grow. The best thing you can do is just reassure her. If she wants to be close to you then let her. In my experience it's the only option! Reassure her when you take her to nursery that you will be back and she'll be fine in time.

My ds can still be a pain in the bottom crying when he wants to be picked up but I breathe deeply and remember that these issues are just phases... bloody annoying phases but phases that will end!

Hi cuppachar

I dont have much advice I'm afraid but maybe knowing that your DC is not the only one going this may reassure. My DS has been exactly as you describe since he started with the childminder 6 weeks ago.

He screams whenever I try to feed him (I usually only get indoors with him at about 6.00 pm) but according to the childminder he eats fine with her. I really stuggled to believe this but have come to terms with the fact that maybe he is playing up with me because he knows he can. I also think that he is so tired by the time he gets home that he is cranky and does not want to eat as he gets much less sleep at the childminder than he does at home. I think that not much sleep could be a big factor in his mood change. Could this be the case with your DC?

I really sympathise with you because like you, my DS used to be such a happy little chap and just seems bad tempered now and I am nearly in tears every night trying to figure out exactly why he is being like this. BUT it is not all doom and gloom, I have noticed a gradual improvement over the last couple of weeks and I hope it is because he is finally settling in to his new routine/environment at childminders. I think I expected it to happen a lot quicker than it did so perhaps your DC is also just taking a little time to adjust.

x

Thanks meandmyjoe and puppie. It's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one having these problems. I think it's possible that lack of sleep at nursery is part of the problem - yesterday for example she just had 30 minutes in the morning and that was it, compared to probable 1-2 hours in the morning and same in the afternoon at home. It's impossible to know though whether the root of the problems are lack of food, lack of sleep or an emotional response to being left. SO I just don't know where to start in tackling it. Maybe I just need to wait and it'll sort itself out...

I think I'm scared that the change in her is permanent and that I'll never get the 'old' DD back. The truth is I really miss the old DD....

It is early days at nursery still so I hope things will start getting better. Just feel so helpless and guilty.

my ds always does this after being unwell takes good week or two for appetite to return to normal

clinginess at this age is normal i think my ds went through several bouts of clinginess

could she be teething at all my ds wouldnt eat or drink as hurt his gums too much but found bonjela cool five mins before feeing worked a treat