Anyone else with 3 out of control boys - is is normal behaviour!

[Leoloopydoo]

Needing some support here. I have ds1 (3 + 8m) and ds (twins) 20 months. I am turning into the yelling mother from hell because I am so fed up of toys being thrown and broken, things in the house getting destroyed, dcs climbing on things you can't imagine they can climb on. mountains of mess to clear up all the time and am having little success getting them to help. We are outside as much as possible so they can burn off as much energy as possible.

Is this normal in a house with 3 small boys? should I try to chill out a bit? I'm nervous because I am working 60% until the end of the month then I will be a SAHM. I feel as if I have no control and hate myself for being irritable and yelling half the day !

Leoloopydoo - poor you, this sounds hideous. I have 3 girls so have never understood the complexities of boys but my sister-in-law has 3 boys and she swears by a book called Raising Boys:
www.amazon.co.uk/Raising-Boys-Different-Become-Well-balanced/dp/0007153694/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b

I hope that someone else with boys can come along in the meantime and give you some contructive help. Good luck x

I have two boys of 4 & 7 & I really despair sometimes at the mess, the noise, the constant energy...

I am also the yelling mother from hell.

Sorry, I cannot help you except to say you are not alone!

I have a 15yr old DS and 6yr old twin boys who drive me up the wall too! My twins have caused me so much stress I can imagine having another one so close in age must be really hard work! I can remember the first time I rang the TAMBA helpline was when they were about the same age as yours. Boys are just so physical arent they? It got to the stage when they were 2.5yrs I couldnt sleep properly as I was having panic attacks. That was when I decided to start going back to the gym for some "release". Do you think you would be able to do something similar once you are a SAHM? Like you say,getting out the house is paramount but gets harder this time of year. I also found my local twins club a great place for support. HTH xx

Oh Leoloopydoo, feel for you.

I have 2 ds's, 6 & 8, and, although they're calmer now, they're always very loud, energetic, and when they were younger I couldn't take my eyes off them for a second.

There will always be days that all you seem to do is yell. There will also be days where you are so glad you have such lively, lovely little boys.

Sorry not much pratical help, but sure you will get lots of support on here.

Scampadoodle - I suspected as much and its nice to know I'm not alone!

BBF - I half read the book after the dts were born but was too out of it to take anything in. I'll pull it out and read it again.

Coochy - I can see it heading the way it did with you ! Running is usually a huge release for me but I don't get much chance to go at the moment and I'm not sure it will change much when I'm a SAHM. I went running on sunday but ds1 rode alongside me on his bike and chatted the whole way and he goes on and on and on endlessly..., it was nice to have him on his own but I didn't get my 'release'.

TIMDI - when I 'ordered' my first child I asked for a lively, energetic boy and am thrilled I got him, but with 3 I think I have got a little more than I bargained for !

I have two out of control boys (4 and 2) and a 4 week old baby so do have some idea how you feel! My boys fight non stop , are very physical, chuck stuff, race about, etc etc and I do often feel at wits end and v.jealous of friends with girls who sit and do a bit of quiet colouring. Before the new baby , I found wearing them out was the best way of coping and would try and get them to the park in the afternoon to wear off all their energy. At the mo, this is not so easy but as soon as in bit of routine with the baby , will get back into it. I think they need to be run like dogs (smile)

Leo you have hit the nail on the head when you said you got more than you bargained for. I feel that way since having my twins. It is not something you "ordered" or have any control over. Is there any way you could get at least a couple of runs in each week on your own? Do you have an understanding partner/hubby? If so, he must realise you need this to retain your sanity.

leo i agree with the others - please please do get some time to yourself - especially when you become a SAHM!! running saved my friend's sanity too (she had 3 under 6 when i lived near her) and walking/cycling/swimming are my outlets. not that it has to be sport - god, any time alone is to be treasured and i really hope you can find it.

I'm a mum of 2 DSs and a DD. I really think boys are harder work when they are under 4 than girls are. It is especially difficult when you have more than one DS. My 2 were tireless balls of energy, and I used to have to go out to the park every day to 'exercise' them. I used to go to toddler groups and almost sob when my DS was all over the place, whilst other children, usually girls would sit still for ages. I'd particularly feel at the song bit where other children would lie still for 'sleeping bunnies' whilst my DS had worked how to open the safety gates and leave the building.

It does get easier as they get older(they are less physically challenging), so hang on in there Leo

I have 4 DSs (15,8,6 & 3) and I think you have to let things go. My house is mayhem most days despite my best intentions and we tend not to by new things ie furniture and TVs (people give us their cast offs!) so I don't get upset when things are damaged.

I found a trampoline and a substantial climbing frame are good for getting rid of excess energy. My DS4 is the worse by far - he will find the weakest link in anything, I keep telling myself it will get better.

I am looking forward to the days when DH is taking them to football, cricket, rugby etc and I can go shopping all day Saturday (as my compensation for not having a DD).

My 3 are lunatics. I make a big sort of padded cell out of cot mattresses and let them wrestle for hours. They love it.

Don't think it's just boys! I have one of each and they are both the same - climbing, running around, causing mayhem & mess.

Perhaps some pre-school girls sit around colouring quietly (but I haven't seen much evidence!) Although, DD has got slightly more manageable since she turned 3

You do need 'me time' and you must try and get that as often as possible. If I don't get my time out from home life then I'm a very unhappy mummy to be around.

I have one ds who is nearly 3. He is physical and has endless energy, very loud and loves playing rough. I wasn't prepared for it and it hit me like a lorry! He is getting better when on his own, but can be hard work around my mindees (I'm a cm).

I've also enrolled my ds in lots of sporty activities. He gets a bit fed up with the park and this is a way for him to run off some steam. It gives me time off as dh takes him!

thanks for responses! Its nice to know I'm not alone.
I love the idea of the padded cell , sounds perfect, it would also be a good place for me to go to do my yelling !
Time for myself I know is key, but I also know in the next year its going to be really difficult to find much regular time, i'm hoping that being a SAHM will mean weekends are more free of household jobs so I have more time for me then. ds1 will be at pre-school next year and the dts can go to playgroup, I'm going to be counting the months off until then when things should get better.
Tried to be calmer and yell less today, it was a bit better and I don't feel quite so guilty this evening !

Can remember when my twins started pre-school- Had to restrain myself from skipping all the way home!!!

CB ! Its a light at the end of the tunnel!

...I know that feeling!

Mine are 11, 9, 7 and 7 (more twins...)

The noise, the mess and the fighting can be dispiriting. Sometimes I feel I should don a Hi Visibilty jacket with "Steward" emblazoned upon it, as most of my "parenting" consists of crowd control.....

....but I think Counting2ten has the right plan. I avoid expensive purchases of furniture or items that I am well aware they will trash. This also applies to the family car (an ancient chicken shed on wheels aptly named "Scratchy" by the urchins. It appears to have been valeted by baboons) there seems little point buying anything newer. I am wholly unstressed when another piece of automobile breaks, cracks, or is stained or ripped.

....I have employed a "lady who does" to dredge up the worst of the urchins detritus (I fear she will soon demand danger money). She has been today, and yet there are already mysteriously brown and viscous stains on the floor. I shall approach them with trepidation and a cloth....

So in short, yep, it is the way of things with boys. Expectations and household routines simply need alteration to suit.... try and reduce the opportunities for stress inducement!

Good luck!

Hi leo, needn't ask how things are then

It's normal. Come and live in my house.

Actually I put up with less and less mess and the little ones are better at tidying up than the older ones

God I so know how you feel.

I have two challenging wonderful little boys 3.6 nad 26 months. My house is like a battlefield.

It can be soo loud and they just are so full of energy nothing I do wears them out - ever.

I have had a week of S&D bug, so they are at each others throats. I was hoping to take them swimming tomorrow but DS1 is still not well enough.

I love them, but do find it difficult, espeically when we do things with so many girls.

Retiredgoth - huge respect, 5 boys and still a sense of humour!
'try and reduce the opportunities for stress inducement!' - the huge box of duplo was a bad idea then , its amazing what 3 small boys can do with duplo that doesn't include building things!

Hi Kitty !

We haven't long been back from a morning down the park.

It was raining and not the most enjoyable time for any parent. I was hoping that my ds would run out of steam by the time we got home. I do like to live in hope!

He was the opposite and began rocket launching himself from sofa to sofa - agghh! Needless to say, I do try and stop him from doing this, I don't fancy a trip to A&E and my sofa's were blimmin expensive too!!

I'm now thinking of buying him a trampoline!

Thankfully my ds still naps in the day - my saving grace.

Sounds like my house Luna, except today its eerily quiet! Its a work day for me but I've messed my back up (just to help matters) and have been written off sick ! Dh is home with the kids today and has taken them on a visit to some other poor person's house !!!!

pmsl at 'valeted by baboons' retiredgoth!

y'see this is why I'm so now I know DC2 is goign to be a boy....
DD (2.8) is one of those little pre-school angels 99% of the time- she sits and reads her books, or draws, or plays duplo quietly or with her farm animals etc!
the 1% is hilarious though- she races up and down usually with a buggy full of bears and rabbits going to 'the safari park' or supermarket. Don't know if I could cope with the noise full-time though.